[ 06042006 7.13am wondering. ]

ever had the feeling that people think you're crazy because you game so much? why does gaming carry a stigma that sports doesn't? i mean, if you are involved in competitive sports, people dont say that you are addicted and postulate that you have a mental illness or obsession... but if you are serious about competitive gaming, you have to deal with being called geek and addicted and all that.

i mean. there is just this certain look, that people who dont understand, give you when u tell them you've been training ______(insert game name here). it is the omgosh i wanna laugh or is this person for real look. especially when its gals you tell. they'll be like... huh? game got so fun one meh? or some other dumb comment like that. TOO FEW PEOPLE TAKE GAMING AS A SERIOUS SPORT. think about it, when you tell someone, o i like to go to the gym, they would probably say something like... o wow, you're so healthy. theres a sense of... awe and admiration for the person because he/she is able to take control of his/her body. when you tell people you spent the last 4 hrs gaming, they would give you an almost tangible sneer, and you can read the words "you are so out of control of your life" across his/her forehead.

and i dont think that the time spent on the respective activity is very much different!

yeah. sometimes i just dont get it.
***

ok. i dunno why things stress me out. maybe i just have to have more faith? where does having too much faith and turning a blind eye meet? where is the line drawn?
i wanna stay far away from that boundary... but i'm really... really... running out of steam. exams are in 2 weeks time or so. and i really have to prioritise studies now.
postponement of caring. is that possible? maybe i should give it a try.
***

fell asleep doing readings. i hate waking up in the middle of the night to turn my lights off... and sleeping on books isnt exactly comfortable. but... oh well. at least i'm starting to DO some work. SOME at least.
thursday. sigh.

i can't take it anymore... this kinda life is killing me...

[ 04042006 9.30pm the past few days... ]

Didn't wanna want you

Didn't wanna need you so bad

Didn't wanna wake up

And find that I was falling so fast

Didn't wanna need you

Didn't wanna need anyone

Now look what you've done

***

nice song... marcos hernandez - the way i do.

tawned the training room on thursday and friday... thurday after the match and friday after more matches. zzz 30hrs no sleep (from sunday night 10pm til this morning 5/6 am) = 14 hrs straight of sleep needed. ROFL!

post X3M talk last night : -

been thinking over the leaving rev0 and kal thing. theres no REAL difference to my life patterns, except that theres a sense of exclusion. rev0's my first team, and seeing them move on and finally getting sponsors, yet not being a part of it, its a little strange. 10march2005.

the people in rev0 now tho... i cant say that i know them all. cos, there have been so many new recruits and stuff. even at clan bbq, i didnt know half of them. for rev0, i guess its just the nostalgia thing. cos i dont become a part of something for fun. and i have never LEFT a clan. for kal, things arent different, cos i've never competed in a compie with them, and we are still going out together. so nothing VERY much has changed there.

i just hate... leaving. i'm the to-death kinda loyalty... so this was a struggle.

the emo emo thing... is also something we all have to get over... i'm also guilty of it, but i'm gonna put it under control. but i can say, that i dont get offended by anything said to me in game. what ticks me off in game are excuses without trying. people who dont try hard enough and lousy teamwork! also ksing, on PURPOSE! like, dont spam spell or time purposely for last hit, just whack normally and let the last hit go to whoever it goes to by CHANCE. cos its the team win that matters, not the frags. also, if teammate times for last hit, that means u miss out giving the enemy hero a few hits, which might be the difference between a kill and a tp away, or a kill an back vs time for the rest of his team to come gang us.

ok. that felt like it was not easy to understand. but i'm not aiming anyone, its a... general kinda thing, like what i'm pissed off at generally.

***

fri night - we tawned after the matches, then had a team talk. i'm so glad that alot more things are settled, but i just wanna emphasize... honesty and dun take things to heart too much. trust each other as friends and teammates.

after the team talk, played a game, then went to mount elizabeth hospital to pick up hiro's car. k, i wont elaborate on that part in case i'm not supposed to. but that was like the first time i felt like my license was useful! drove back to the room. and after a game, drove 7 of us to hiro's house to zzzzz.. imagine the sight of lux, cloud, jas, shan, ice and hiro squashed into the passenger seats of the car! rofl... nissan sunny. i was like... omgosh if i get into an accident, i have to account for 6 other lives! lol... took a bus back from his place later in the evening.

***

the changing role of my blog - i realise that its becoming less of a place for me to reflect on issues and creative posts. its become a... log of my life. to a certain extent. its still impersonal, cos i dont publicise my life, but its got more of my day to day stuff on.

***

avalon round 2 - thx for the win gals! and thx to the support from behind - ice lux cloud. there is a difference behind mindless comments and useful help, and last night, it was helpful! <3>

thx to hero and demon too... for always being there to guide and to talk to, and look after the room and us! and for letting our friends overrun the room! =D dont think TOO much abt things.