[ 29062008 3.49am | /wrist. ]

i have to stop this emoing or i'm going to kill myself soon. willy, lets go drink.
actually... the office bar, named 802C (pantone! haha) is opening on friday. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
but i will be in paris.
hmm... it would be nice to see the city with (more) grown up eyes. i believe the last time i was there was when i was in sec school...
yes, we did the whole Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, Louvre thing... my family and i...
the best thing i like about paris, and london actually, is probably the pigeons. they're really fat and juicy looking... and they eat out of your hand. i like birds.
(stop being jaded tammy... but damn the exchange rate is NOT FUN)

and. its just so scary. the loading screen of dota 652d has eswc masters of paris on it.
4days before i fly.

*decides to continue training up.*

***

and part of the reason why i'm still awake, is cos of Hime who jio-ed me out on a date today. and i succumbed to a cup of white chocolate mocha from starbucks (dawnsheep intro to me one. gg its nice. i like.)
so i'm still freaking high.
also, i had a record 14 hrs sleep last night. thats about... 4-5 times more than i get on an average weekday.

***

damn. it must be full moon or something. there's like mass weirdos out there.
hime and i walked into evo, and almost immediately, this guy sitting by the door was like, "o its FURRYFISH"
i turned, thinking it was someone i knew... but... i've never seen the chap before man...
he goes on saying something like, "o, she brought her teammate also, hime right"
right about this point, hime an i are exchanging nervous looks, and we practically dash out.
i mean... c'mon, he doesnt make any effort at all to conceal the fact that he's yelling to a whole row of guys about us. no matter how thick skin we are, i think its also not thick enough.
*poison skin + mana shield + hood of defiance please.

something else happens at the busstop at simei mrt later on (when i am alone! HELP), but i wont repeat it for fear of being accused of being bhb. and also because i think its so not true.

***

someone recently mentioned that i can actually be very different from how i seem.
my normal self vs my solving problems self, can almost be classified as 2 different people. sometimes i get too no-nonsense i guess.
as i said to moumouren, i have to be more of a girl.
perhaps.

***

i was asked. are you afraid of being alone? what if you want to talk to someone?
i gave it more thought.
i'm fortunate to have people to talk to when i need to. and they're always there for me. in return, i'm there for them, as long as i'm not dying on my bed or something drastic.
i dont give good advice, mostly. but i can offer 2 listening ears.

***

and i realised its been such a long time since i went to town to like... hang out. hang out meaning, chill and not really have plans to do anything. previously i was always rushing to go get this or that.
i think, normally, kembangan is the furthest west i go.man i'm an east-side nerd.

***

you seem to know what i'm thinking.
you seem to know my fears.
i shouldn't tell you so much, it might backfire on me.
寂寞让你更快乐

*emos to death

[ 240608 2.10am | shen. ]

i know you probably dont read, but, happy birthday. there's many things i'd wish for you on this day. i'm just glad that despite the distance, there's still something there connecting us.
maybe its called shared memories. whatever it is, i treasure it. and. i'm always around. no matter what.

***

there's so many people who seem to have been put in my life for a short while only. to teach me something, or so just graze the tip of the cornfields of my life lightly with their palms as they sweep through. most of them i remember in my quiet moments... some with disappointment, some with longing and wistfulness. some with joy. some with relief (that they are not in contact anymore)
there are some people and some phases in time that i wish i could grab on to, and never let go of.
i hate to say this, because it makes me sound like some act smart act wise has been, but, time has really made me realise that some moments... are just meant to be treasured, then set free... as a forgetful child gives a balloon a new lease of life...


remembered, cherished. but allowed to live on. elsewhere.

***

用寂寞来测验 还是最想要你陪 ... 爱你是孤单的心事.

***


a remembered song.

你知道吗
爱你并不容易
还需要很多勇气
是天意吧
好多话说不出去
就是怕你负担不起
你相信吗
这一生遇见你
是上辈子我欠你的
是天意吧
让我爱上你
才又让你离我而去
也许轮回里早已注定
今生就该我还给你
一颗心在风雨里
飘来飘去都是为你

一路上有你
苦一点也愿意
就算是为了分离与我相遇
一路上有你
痛一点也愿意
就算这辈子注定要和你分离

[ 19062008 6.27pm | destiny* ]

destiny - you were meant for me. perhaps as a punishment.


check them all out here : http://www.despair.com/viewall.html
simply excellent. love the humour. 黑色幽默


lots of updates...
played capl, played eswc, going to play Euf, skoth, paris eswc.
^^
busy life.

[ 11062008 1.12am | screwedup? ]

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

I SEEM TO REMEMBER DOING THIS BEFORE.

ok i dunno why that came out in caps.

and i think i posted it on this blog before too.

but once again, this is huayan's fault.

whose?

HUAYAN'S.

http://www.colorquiz.com/
Your Existing Situation
Persistent. Demands what she feels to be her due and endeavors to maintain her position intact

Your Stress Sources
The existing situation is disagreeable. Feels lonely and uncertain as she has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and wants to stand out from the rank and file. This sense of isolation magnifies the need into a compelling urge, all the more upsetting to her self-sufficiency because of the restraint she normally imposes on herself. Since she wants to demonstrate the unique quality of her own character, she tries to suppress this need for others and affects an attitude of unconcerned self-reliance to conceal her fear of inadequacy, treating those who criticize her behavior with contempt. However, beneath this assumption of indifference she really longs for the approval and esteem of others.
Willing to become emotionally involved as she feels rater isolated and alone. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, though she tries to avoid open conflict." name=restrained>

Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.
Willing to become emotionally involved as she feels rater isolated and alone. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, though she tries to avoid open conflict

Your Desired Objective
Suffering from the effects of those things which are being rejected as disagreeable, and is strongly resisting them. Just wants to be left in peace.

Your Actual Problem
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, emptiness, and an unadmitted self-contempt. Her refusal to admit this leads to her adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude.

Your Actual Problem #2
The need for esteem--for the chance to play some outstanding part and make a name for herself--has become imperative. She reacts by insisting on being the center of attention, and refuses to play an impersonal or minor role.

[ 08062008 3.35am | new gosu songs ]

http://www.51wma.com/sort/1_161_306684.html 　李圣杰 - 擦肩而过　　　
http://youtube.com/watch?v=WZPmwDfzLQY 光良 梁靜茹 - 只能抱著你

maybe i'm abit slow in realising these songs exist... but at least i've found them now.
^^,

iron ladies, http://www.steelseries.com/ironlady
female china gamers ftw!!!
quite chio too. =)~

ok in game. i go act zhuan xin abit.

[ 04062008 4.16pm | huayan's fault. ]

Blame this on huayan.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.




***

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.


***

Jealousy Level: 55%

You are a jealous person but you try not to let it show

You often get very jealous of others but you are successful at controlling your emotions publicly. When you feel that other people are winning things that you deserve, you get very upset, but you won't hurt anybody else by making a scene. Your jealousy is private. You might, for example, cry yourself to sleep at night when you get really jealous of someone.


[this one is quite funny...]

How will you choose your Mr Right?

You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church.

Who will be your future Mr Right?

Your future hubby will be lovely and sweet, but a little immature - possibly even a spoilt brat! This guy will trigger your maternal instinct. You'll always be willing to watch his back and clean up his mess. He might be the same age as you are or even younger.

When will you get married?

You will be very determined and thorough in choosing a spouse. You'll study every detail about your man before saying yes to a life of love. You will eventually make a good choice, but you'd better be sure that he's willing to wait that long.

What sort of wife will you be?

You are a bit tricky. You might pretend to be a sensitive and caring wife in his eyes, but you'll be ready to laugh at him behind his back and eventually you may even leave him for another man.

Will you and your husband have a good time together?

You and your hubby will enjoy each other's company playing games until you're old. Whether you play tennis, golf, swim or even just go driving out of town, you'll both stay healthy and happy.

What will your children be like?

Your kids will be quiet and won't give you a hard time - they'll be a joy to have around. However, you should teach them to be stronger and more confident in themselves. Otherwise they might grow up to be losers.

How loyal are you?

You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.

[ 04062008 1.48pm | mood. ]

翻开随身携带的记事本
写着许多事都是关于你
你讨厌被冷落 习慣被守候
寂寞才找我 我看见自己写下的心情
把自己放在卑微的后头
等你等太久 想你泪会流 而幸福快乐是什么

爱的痛了 痛的哭了 哭的累了
日记本里頁頁執着记载着你的好
像上瘾的毒药 它反覆骗着我
爱的痛了 痛的哭了 哭的累了
矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手 闭上眼让你走
烧掉日记重新来过

thanks for putting into words what i can't.

[ 04062008 11.32am | one.fine..night ]

an evening scuttle, which turned into an overnighter. topped with a morning sprinkle.
and a dead fish.
***

had a super good talk with someone i'd lost for a few years. i think i was laughing like a maniac throughout the conversation. and it wasnt just funny, it was honest too... the way i remembered our 6am conversations. i'm really glad that you're still there, after all thats happened... to torture me with embarrassing memories.
8 years.
we've come a long way.

[ 03062008 2.39am | 自疯 ]

没有资格。