Thursday, January 29, 2004

[ 29012004 1.11am | to.commission ]

went to commissioning parade today. was there pretty late... so i missed part of the march in and some of the singing... safti is a damn nice place... i'm so inspired to sign on! i'm so inspired to commission too... -sigh-
wonder if my dream is worth fighting for... worth giving a shot... will i regret my life away if i never go for it? or will i regret my decision more?

anyway. commissioning was freaking sey. just watching made me feel the heat and the sweat and the pain they went through... just to reach this day...
watching them toss their caps into the sky...
the comaraderie... (did i spell that right?)


Wednesday, January 28, 2004

[ 27012004 11.59pm | on.the.brink ]

right now, standing on the edge of 28th january. i wonder. what have i accomplished today.
i have... fuzzed my way through 2 tutorials, gotten madly drenched, talked to fam, had training, met some new people and some old friends...

caught 2 goth jap schoolgal chicks on the mrt today. blonde hair, short black skirt, grey sweater around waist, white blouse... white face, dark eyes, pale lips... wish i had the guts to live out my goth fantasies.

for once in your life, you sorry pessimist.
for once. live out your dreams.
and i dont just mean being goth.

Friday, January 23, 2004

[ 23012004 12.53am | ]

ever wonder where that term came from? well, heres an explaination as to how it came about... excellent. copied from sue's blog, with her permission. and edited a little.

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do.

One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: Let's play hide and seek!

All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three... "

As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage. Fondness curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the center of the earth. Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And Madness continued to count:" ... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one... "

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.

Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when Madness got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the center
of the earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love.

Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness:" You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush. "

Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rose bush. Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.

Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted." I have left you blind! How can I repair it? "

And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide. "

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

...There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving...there are some loves that don't go away...but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever.

just wondering why all the other vices and virtues are personified [ with a "he" ] except for lie [ which is an "it" ]. alot of nice puns here... like the 'for no one was crazy enough to seek madness..."

Thursday, January 22, 2004

[ 22012004 2.39pm | cny ]


如果有一天 我回到从前
回到最原始的我 你是否会觉得我不错

如果有一天 我离你遥远
不能再和你相约 你是否会发觉我已经说再见

当你的眼睛眯著笑 当你喝可乐当你找
我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好
当你说今天的烦恼 当你说夜深你睡不著
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 还喜欢你 知不知道

如果有一天 梦想都实现
回忆都成了永远 你是否还会记得今天
如果有一天 我们都发觉
原来什么都可以 无论是否还会停留在这里

也许可是让我想得太多 也许该回到没我
梦里和相遇 就毫不犹豫 大声的说我要说
当你的眼睛眯著笑 当你喝可乐当你找
我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好
啦~ 啦~
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 还喜欢你 知不知道
啦~ 啦~

thanks joel, for the song. =) i bet you dont understand a word of that though. haha...

cny... its about 3, but all i've gotten is a cash cheque from my sister. haha... going visiting later in the evening, but i dont hope to hit more than 200. oh well. so mercernary.
on the edible objects side, dinner last night was... urk... and there were no cny goodies at my grandmas house!! -_- grumble. mum's baking cake, but not for me. this is like... torture cos i can smell it... i can see it... but i cant consume it. how am i supposed to put on weight without food??

kinda different to have a married sister. cos now, she isnt around with me. not that i really miss her, its just... different. but good lah... means i can collect from the in laws. haha... mercernary again.

went to nkf building to do a shoot with mon yesterday. thanks to him for footing most of the cab fare back =) disgusting... we're gonna be splashed on posters all over sec schools! haha... but it aint too bad i guess... at least no one will know who i am.

do i really look 16...? -_- its disgusting. i'm 20 this year. ? *shudder*

still adjusting to the hectic life of schooling. tmd... its back to school yet again... ( yes, i still cant get over the fact that school has started ) and i havent even had enough of hols yet.
tues was a pretty funny day. met up with fam and had a chat about all kinds of things. =) looking forward to tuesday lunches with my tuesday lunch buddy from now. haha...

Sunday, January 18, 2004

[ 18012004 12.29am | thoughts. ]

an email i got today from an old fren... :
it takes a minute to find a special person
an hour to appreciate them
a day to love them
but an entire life to forget them

something appreciated. =)

went for sailing water trials today, spent the day suffering with mr dalan aka ziyang. help. haha... he'll beg to differ saying he was the one suffering with me. anyway. let me tell you about that nuthead. he, happilly treats NSC (national sailing centre) like his home. then, he hangs his berms up in the toilet on a hook, and changes into pe attire so he can splash around in the boat. then, he comes back soaking and stinking, only to find that someone has taken his berms away. hahahaa... so what does he do? he parades around in a tiny towel. you know, those "goodmorning" towels you see in kopi tiams? basically, more of a hand towel than a bath towel... the sports towel size things. yeah... so he parades around in it... then, he puts his soaking stinking shorts on over it. like... huh?
such a joker.

anyway, had a freaking good time out on the water todae man... and in the water too. you have no idea how good power feels in your hands... hearing the sail hum brought back so many memories... feeling the hiking muscles ache all over again... sigh. its been ages since i last sailed, about a year, since the last safyc regattas... and its been even longer since i sailed with someone else on the same boat. haha... not since waiyong did i have that much fun... that i can remember... haha... sounds a little sick.
the fake crewing and trapezing... the monkeying around trying to throw each other overboard by jerking the main sheets or the mast...

all in all, a really great day. one of the best i've had in a super super super long time...

Friday, January 16, 2004

[ 16012004 12.54am | oww!! ]

my mum got a twig stuck up her nose while gardening today. since then, its been bleeding and shes been sneezing practically non stop. she was like "oh no, what if it poked my brain" haha... one of her bimbo moments.
anyway, today was a geog day. fantastic. its so good to be doing something you like, even if it isnt the exact thing i'd like to specialise in. to be able to have a day totally dedicated to what i'm majoring in... makes uni actually feel like... uni.
oh yeah, dawn phung!! if u read this, PUT ON SOME WEIGHT!!!
sebas and lulu... have fun in ns... enlisting aint that bad... i may join you all one day... aspi... remember to pass me the photos!!!

on enlisting :.
having serious thoughts about signing on air force. pilot. in the future after i graduate. another path i can take is to join sia. but both strike me as rather impossible goals... but well, better than teaching. anytime.
talked to my parents about it, and my dad's a little skeptical about saf, having never really been to army... and my mum was like, "be a missionary". so... well.
for the time being, i shall wait and attend the next air force open house... last years was at swissotel. yup.

Monday, January 12, 2004

[ 12012004 11.20pm | stunned. ]

learnt many things todae... woke up this morning and was frantically getting ready for school as well as trying to organise my tutorials when masaki called me.
seems she was calling on behalf of alvin (?) the maker, a dod teammate of mine... of the [GHOST] fame. anyway, caught up with her. finally. seems shes been going through a rough period... she got rom-ed and i wasnt there!!! -_-. wont go into too many details since i dont think she would like me to headline her life here. bottom line, i miss her! and it was really great to contact her again...
anyway, gonna meet alvin on wednesday regarding a project of his... hope i wont get cheated again like i always do... haha...
ran into john today. a tns / rj schoolmate of mine who is presently doing architecture in the US. amazing. singapore is really rather small...

to my dearest cousin who likes to buzz me but doesnt reply my icq msgs, pls let me know when we can meet up with nick, our other illusif cousin. and since u mentioned kallang, lets go there together then!

questionable. highly questionable day.

Saturday, January 10, 2004

[ 10012004 1.10am | ]

had a friend's bdae thing at the acid bar. not bad, a nice cosy place, but for about 100 guests, was a little squashy... and the drinks had really... minimal alcohol in it. so little that nothing much happened to me even though i had a rather empty stomach. not that i took very much...
hmm, shen and ting were late, as usual, shaun blood spilt a drink on my foot, rouge, next to acid jazz looks like a pretty cool place, law bash there on the 7th feb.
what else?
if kenneth reads this, kenneth kwok thanks for the lift back =)
ran into yee pei todae in wisma, she looks pretty different with long hair!

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

[ 07012004 9.25pm | =) ]

heh sue... u are one faithful reader of my blog... =) anyway, just wait for the march issue lor! =)
i'm having trouble viewing my blog... how pathetic is that. so, i cant reply on my tag board. -_-

watched mona lisa smile.
mona lisa is smiling. but does that mean she's happy?
this hit me. cos, i've been trained to grin and bear it, to force myself to smile cos it brings results, and makes people feel more comfortable. to smile cos i've been scolded by various people for looking dao, compounded with the fact that i am from top schools... not smiling thus immediately equates stuck-up ness.
its very possible to see through a smile. you know if the smile is real or not. whether it reaches the eyes or not... sometimes i wonder how transparent my smiles are... sometimes i even wonder if my own smile is real or not...

song of the moment frou frou - its good to be in love. fantastic beat, fantastic voice. but havent really gotten into the lyrics yet. terribly dreamy.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

[ 06012004 11.58pm | OUCH! ]

i'm happily cleaned up and scrubbed. but in pain! had a shoot today (buy herworld in march!!) and they did 4 different looks on me. meaning, they applied make up did a shoot, clean it off, reapply and shoot again...clean it off, reapply, shoot, clean, reapply, shoot... including hair. ouch ouch.
it was an honour to have peter, one of singapores top makeup artists do my face. but at the end of it all, my eyelids were so sore! and red... and watery... modelling aint such a bed of roses afterall eh.
and mascara is hell to take off man... i spent 1/2 an hour cleaning up an eye just now.
the crew were decidedly patient with me i must admit... prob cos i wasnt paid, and by virtue of the fact that my sis works there.
all in all, it was one heck of an experience. definitely. and i've never had so much makeup applied on my face before!

Sunday, January 04, 2004

[ 04012004 12.36am | disorientation ]

all i know is i'm lost without you
i'm not gonna lie
how'm i gonna be strong without you
i need you by my side

training. which i was one hour late for. met shen, who made me wait as usual. wondering if i can go for a stayover tomorrow. school. starts monday. tuition. have to fix a day as soon as my timetable is set. driving. gotta pick it up again.
new years resolution. not to fall. behind. in work. in life. in things i do. to put things in perspective. prioritise. to sleep early. to get my life back into shape.

today is a song day. went on a downloading spree. hope i dont get fined or something.

i'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams

finally managed to catch up with mingwei! took a stroll along the singapore riverside. hes so taken with the view there... its kinda touching to see a singaporean actually so in love with singapore. well. guess thats why he's a government scholar. *shrugz* =)

parents are back. once again, i cant decide if i'm happy or sad that they are back... heh... sad... cos my havocing is over. but then, school starts monday. so i guess its good.
ran into my cousin today in orchard. we have set to meet up with yan one day. one day... when ever that will be...

Friday, January 02, 2004

[ 02012004 2.29pm | flat- ]

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning's light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you

what is it about songs... lyrics, that just seem able to hit that exact point...
songs... the beauty of songs is that they can capture, emulate what you are feeling... put the intangible down into words, kind of give it a form. and add the correct melody and rhythm... you can do anything from breaking a heart to lifting a broken spirit.
songs... ever experienced... hearing a song, and you inexplicably get pulled back in time to a significant moment when you last heard that song. you can see every detail of that moment, you can taste, feel, smell... everything... that is gone. it becomes alive again, even if only in your mind.
escapism? only if you use it to forget about the reality and choose to live in them. which is so tempting.
maybe thats why i like quoting. sometimes other people can put what you're feeling more aptly. and it is comforting, in a strange way, to know that what you are feeling, although it may be alien to you, isnt alien to this world. the danger of living vicariously...

[ 02012004 2.10am | .pain.continued. ]

"i will forget you. i will close my eyes and think of the day when there will be another in place of you. and i wont miss you anymore.
i will smile, and close my eyes, and think again of your face... right before i forget you totally."

my poor translation of gui ji.

how do you erase a life thats not yours anymore? how do you escape when at the same time you are deeply entrenched... how do you forget when all you want to do is remember.
[ 02012004 1.19am | .pain. ]

Gui ji

Composer: Jay Chou (周杰倫) Lyricist: Huang Jun Lang (黃俊郎)

zen me yin cang
wo de bei shang
shi qu ni de di fang
ni de fa xiang
san de cong mang
wo yi jing gen bu shang

bi shang yan jing
hai neng kan jian
ni li qu de hen ji
zai yue guang xia yi zhi zhao xun na xiang nian de shen ying

ru guo shuo fen shou shi ku tong de qi dian
na zai zhong dian zhi qian
wo yuan yi zai ai yi bian
xiang yao dui ni shuo de
bu gan shuo de ai
hui bu hui you ren ke yi ming bai

wo hui fa zhe dai
ran hou wang ji ni
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
xiang zhe na yi tian
hui you ren dai ti
rang wo bu zai xiang nian ni

wo hui fa zhe dai
ran hou wei wei xiao
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
you xiang le yi bian
ni wen rou de lian
zai wo wang ji zhi qian

xin li de yan lei
mo hu le shi xian
ni yi kuai kan bu jian