Monday, December 28, 2009

[ 28122009 10.36am | struggles ]

if you wonder why my blog is silent, its because i've been going through some internal struggles.
and me being me... i rather keep silent than splash it out here.
suffice it to say that things are falling into place by themselves.
its interesting, i'd say that i create my destiny, if i want something, i'd do everything in my power to get it, but at the same time, i'm a firm believer in 'meant to be'.
i never really let it go though...
na de qi fang de xia. after you strive so hard for something, how do you just let go ?
keeping options open. what lengths will you go to in order not to burn bridges.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

[ 19122009 4.42pm | i just woke up TT" ]

check out my "nice" look on
it still looks pretty.. "naughty" to me though. LOL! things you do at photoshoots.
its a mass wedding month for me. i think i'm attending about 5?
the one i'm going to tonight is my church friends'. i've known him since we were kids... and i used to make him cry all the time by chasing him around with grasshoppers.
i'm so horrible.

Friday, December 18, 2009

[ 18122009 1.45am | grrrR. ]

today is a happening day. Somehow the work hours passed mega fast... And before I knew it I was on the bus home.
Yeah!!! I actually took a bus home today! How amazing is that.
Partly cos I had nothing to rush back for, for once.
My dad has decided to cut off my net at 1am everynight in an attempt to make me sleep more.
Its good... And bad... But... Mostly bad I guess.
Anyhow he's my dad and I «3 him.
So ya.
And... I think a lot of you have asked me this question -
Why did u go back to competitive?
Well... Its a combination of being psychoed by cyn, and being psychoed by dawn.
Cyn says : if I get a ticket back, you're playing last.
Dawn says : if you don't help me, I cannot keep the team going.
And somehow... A lot of things seem to be falling into place after I came back...
So even though I do need a break... BADLY... To sort out my life and stuff...
I guess the time is not now.
But certain decisions will still have to be made... Just perhaps with different reasons.
So... Hmm.
I'm back..?
(How tiresome)
But I «3 the girls... And I guess I've worked too hard to just let it go.
I still remember the days when it was just dawn and shan and I.
Then it was dawn and I for the longest most painful time.
And then we are here.
Life is strange.
I'm looking forward to seeing what else it has in store for me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

[ 15122009 2.33am | flu-ed fish ]

I am somehow down with flu again, and I've been sleeping on and off since getting back home from work/doctors. Zz. Which means... My sleeping time is all messed up again!!!
So that explains why I'm alive at this time I guess?

I've been contemplating many situations, but one common theme - interpersonal dynamics.
It surprises me that I actually am perceptive enough to grasp a lot of subtleties.
I never thought of myself as being... Sensitive to these things?
Many times, I don't consciously know it, I just react. Its only when I put it into words (nope, not gossip) that I really realise... 'Woah... How did I know all that? The whole situation suddenly makes so much sense now that I've put it down in words!"
I've been attempting to proceed with more calculated responses... Even though I do find it necessary to dish out my exceedingly blunt side to some unsuspecting soul.
But really... I've been scaring myself with some gems of wisdom that drop out of my mouth.
Is this something that comes with growing older?
If it is, then its another reason why I like adding years to my age.

The other day... I was mega emofied.
I went to the wash room - its outside the office, behind the lifts.
So there's this perma mynah nest at the lift area. They're very reproductive.
When I came out of the wash room, I saw 2 mynahs standing on the floor, and they didn't move when I got closer.
I realised their attention was on this patch on the floor!!!
One of their sky blue eggs somehow fell out of the nest and shell shards and very very orange yolk was in this sad splattered puddle.
So emo. They were so sad... Looking at their ex-child-to-be.
After that cannot concentrate on work already.

Monday, December 14, 2009

The more i seek you,
the more i find you
The more i find you,
the more i love you

I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat...
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace,
it's overwhelming
its the 11th day of christmas, and Asterisk* is posting one photoshoot pic a day til day 0!
if you've missed out the previous few pics, its not too late to catch up now =)

Monday, December 07, 2009

[ 07122009 6.53pm | another pic ]

kimchi, dawn, shizuma, me, eliza, cyn

Posted by Picasa

Sunday, December 06, 2009

[ 06122009 3.30pm | song,again. ]

"And baby, maybe I
Don't say it as often as I should
But I really want it to be heard
When I say 'I love you' that's for good..."
The songs I used to listen to on 98.7 gradually made their way to class 95, and now they're on gold 90fm.
I think this one is dakota moon - a promise I make?
Sexyfats! You're one of my rare eloquent, expressive readers. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
In many ways I consider myself fortunate. What I/we have today is a combination of hard work, luck, and a good working partner.
This does feel like a post on the pink zinic site... Which I will post up later - on why female gamers are not rich.
I'm on my bb now, so I'll probably elaborate and thank fats more later.

here's the pinkzinic article as promised
its all about us females, having fun doing what we love.
it IS that simple.

"to be recognised for something you have fun doing, and then be envied for it."
thats the line from fats that struck me the most.
and trying to edit a post i already posted is making me seem very disjointed.

Friday, December 04, 2009

[ 04122009 1.30pm | kuroky. ]

why i support kuroky.
1) he is humble
not only are his blog and replies well reasoned, he's also ready to admit that there are better players than him, unlike some other well known players.
he's patient with the trolls, and doesnt lapse into bm-ing mode with them.
other than that, quite a few people hold the opinion that he's the only one on the team who improved with every game, who learnt from his mistakes and made changes to his playing as the game went on.

2) there are many reasons why a player chooses to leave the team, why a player chooses to stay in a team. most are selfish reasons. but then again, who isnt selfish? and who are we to judge when we don't know the internal struggles/situation of MYM / Kuroky? its not wrong to take a chance to follow the path which might lead you to your dream. there are lots of things that i would do to get what i want, and i'm sure you would compromise yourself in many ways to get what YOU want too.
and hey, i'm sure its not a new concept that teams borrow players to play as last for a competition. i have no idea which hole you're hiding in if you haven't realised this. maybe MYM was the one using kuroky cos mym thinks they have a better chance with him in the line up? 

3) i want him to pwn EU dota. So i'll support him til he does! if that day never comes, then i guess i'll just support him for life! unless he becomes some stuck up fker or the like.

4) he put our team name next to his (ex)team name
free publicity or? =)

oh... you don't know what i'm talking about? read his blog then :
or the mym post

and oh yeah... your dp really suits you. bimbotic bitch inside and out, aren't you? lets see if you live up to your talk.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

[ 03122009 3.21am | more peeks ]

eliza and i. feel the love!

me trying to do a sparkling eyes shot.

on the smm stage after drawing group C. EEK.

sitting on the stage for a photographer.
kimchi, cyn, eliza, me, dawn

terrence and i. visit him (Mr.Bue) and Sn4k3y at gosugamers!
the next few photos are from him too. thanks lots!

a solo shot of me. its nice cos its so overexposed. =x

Shawn and i

anyone watch/read Claymore?
i look a little like the abyssmal one of the west - Riful.
(k... maybe i flatter myself...)

in game vs MYM.