Friday, October 31, 2008

[ 31102008 1.51pm | lunchbreak ]

hua!!! dawn love us!!! =D
(i think.)

[ 31102008 1.43am | bleah. ]

thats a very uncommonly used word. by fish at least.


i'm full of happy feelings, and very angry feelings.
lets see how long i can be pulled in different directions before i snap.
LONG TIME LA. slowly wait.


huayan is very blonde.
LOL i was just thinking
"u all from what group? dance group ah?"
GG must be the yan bun.




its time for me to think of some screwed up statement to replace my current screwed up quote.
the current screwed up quote being "the perverse obsession with acquiring what isnt yours. i demur, that belongs to someone else. "

i shall go brush teeth and contemplate.
see if inspiration strikes me.
(k no inspiration)


aiyah. i dunno why la, u just mega rub me the wrong way.


what do you want me for?
i'm grumpy at things which bother me, which is alot of things,
maybe i care too much, or think too much.
i'm not particularly goodlooking, and i dont really care about how i look most of the time.
and even if i bother to look better it doesnt make much of a difference.
i'm hard to get along with, unless you're on the same wavelength as me, and thats rare.
i'm not nice, or sweet, by ANY standards.
i make unreasonable demands.
i can't cook well, and i hate housechores.
too headstrong, too self righteous and way too stubborn.
and not shy about it.
i shall carve out a cave in some mountain and hermit there.
anyone wanna move in with me? =D

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

[ 28102008 1.12am | grumpy. ]

dig this out.
dispose of it.


needs to kill something badly. any willing party out there?


today had its happy bits. =D
girls ftw.
hua - give me the pics pls.

frostmourne - bloodelf hunter - Anaitis
barthilus - nightelf priest - sophrosyneff
i dont really play my undead mage Odyne yet...
so yeah.
Anaitis is basically the persian goddess of nature, ie, she blesses all land, waters etc. since she's a hunter... i decided to get a bird like pet for her. so i got a dragon hawk, and named it ceyx. ceyx is this guy, who died, and was turned into a bird. HAHAH. i like. i named her thus because she has control over the animals, and her pets.
sophrosyne is the goddess/greek meaning of moral sanity and from there self control or moderation guided by true self-knowledge. the ff stands for furryfish. haha... cos sophrosyne the name was taken by some other player. fitting for a priest, imo.
Odyne, now, i like her. she's the goddess of pain. to hell with akasha. lol. love this name the best, cos it goes so well with my undead mage.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

[ 22102008 12.51am | ..... ]

i wonder if... it would be any different if "(s)he means nothing to you and you don't know why"


reasons why you should never play an MMO
1) you will never do anything else unless its server maintenance
2) your b/gf will get damn angry with you
3) you will lack sleep

reasons why you should play an MMO
1) it helps you save money cos you stay at home and eat cheap junk food
2) you will never have a bored moment - in the game, you're busy doing things, out of the game, you're busy thinking about the game
3) its a good way to ignore/forget your (ex)b/gf, if you WANT to of course.
4) to feel the anticipation as you wait for server maintenance to be over.


to dos:
1) get a freaking wand
2) buy some freaking mana pots
3) find the bloody auction house

Sunday, October 19, 2008

[ 19102008 9.15pm | a day in the life of a garena admin ]

the Background:

i come out of a game, and i'm greeted with a pm on ggc.
here is how it goes:-

[20:24:21]xxx Say:
banning is so fun?

[20:50:5]furryfish Say:
leave = ban
[20:50:25]xxx Say:
and u dont ask me why and ban.think ahority for u to play??
[20:51:22]xxx Say:
i have 50 in banlist..u want ban 1 by 1??

[20:51:38]furryfish Say:
u expect me to ask all the leavers why? if u want to leave then dont join games in room 3/4
[20:51:45]furryfish Say:
reasons can always be
[20:51:47]furryfish Say:
cooked up
[20:52:30]xxx Say:
u not suit to be one , think this is your house??swear to god u never leave game b4.
[20:53:7]furryfish Say:
i'm sorry, but whether i'm suited to be one or not is not for you to decide
[20:53:27]xxx Say:
i wonder how to get it,not from good ways (edit:k i dont understand this bit)
[20:54:31]furryfish Say:
anyway if i'm not wrong, i only banned u for 7 days from room 4
[20:54:36]furryfish Say:
unintentional leaving = 7 days
[20:54:55]xxx Say:
ya,its a easy thing to u
[20:55:19]furryfish Say:
well, if u have a good reason for leaving during countdown ure welcome to present your case
[20:55:56]xxx Say:
no nid to present,thats not a big deal to ban me,i can unban it also.

[20:56:8]furryfish Say:
but if you're just pming me to abuse me verbally, then sorry, i'm not interested in continuing the conversation
[20:57:11]xxx Say:
this is not called abuse,u are abusing your own athority,my mum off the power,how am i going to continue, ask yourself...end it
[20:57:28]xxx Say:
want earn respect? not like this

[20:58:17]furryfish Say:
you know u can speak to me nicely and request an unban, like i said, if u think u had a good reason. i dont need a moral lesson from anyone.
[20:59:4]furryfish Say:
if u would like me to unban you, please let me know directly. i'm sorry i dont stand for being scolded when im doing my job.
[20:59:49]xxx Say:
how am i speak to u nicely without entering your room and your account?
[20:59:52]xxx Say:
i am god??

[20:59:57]furryfish Say:
you managed =)
[21:0:11]xxx Say:
so.what u said is not supported

[21:0:38]furryfish Say:
[20:59:57]furryfish Say:
you managed =)
[21:0:46]xxx Say:
as u like

[21:1:16]furryfish Say:
^^ have a good day.


the Argument:
fyi, garena sg rooms 3 and 4 have a strict banning system.
unintentional leaving = 7 days
intentional leaving = 30 days
and there are other banning time frames for repeated offenders.
nick, aka aod-jehovah was the one who introduced me to these rules for the rooms, and i so far, have only banned those who left in my games, or leavers in games that other admins are in.
i do not think i'm unreasonable as an admin, i have unbanned a couple of people who came back with their reasons.
bottom line is, i'm not being paid to do this. i gain nothing from this, other than a sense of satisfaction that i'm cleaning out the leavers from the rooms, and making the community a better place to game.
i don't need anyone's respect, in fact, being an admin is a dirty job, and you're likely to get beaten up/sworn at/bm-ed more frequently then anyone else in the room.
i'd like to think, that the leaver situation in room 3 and 4 has improved dramatically. there are actually entire games that i can sit through, which are 5v5 to the end.
and that, makes me, and my fellow room 3 and 4-ers HAPPY.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

[ 15102008 12.26am | ROAR ]

i'm trying, trying real hard.
but every now and then, i fail... and give in...
to myself and my weaknesses.

steel yourself and replace the mask ^.^


saturday botanic gardens and dempsey~
SOrA!! *reaches out ready to grabbbb
unintentional alt caps.


some mega angry song playing at the moment, courtesy of leon~

you can tell me that there's nobody else,
but i feel it
you can tell me that you're home by yourself
but i see it
you can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
but i know
i know
your love is just a lie.
its nothing but a lie.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Working for google

THIS is a dream job.
(then again, i wonder how TRUE it all is, afterall, what you see isn't always what you get. I should know!)

Monday, October 13, 2008

[ 13102008 12.11am | wish-less ]

that i were...
more mature

especially dumber +++

Sunday, October 12, 2008

[ 12102008 5.02pm | .... ]

its only what you're waiting for........

go on and let it out.
and you'll be just fine, with all of your time =)
it was a mistake to think i could ever get by myself.
what you count on to keep you steady, also throws you into the greatest turmoil.


Friday, October 10, 2008

Lips of an Angel - Hinder

was looking though some old song lyrics that i found in my phone - snatches of melodies that i heard and resolved to identify.

this is one of them.

"Lips Of An Angel"

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

03 女兒紅 - Jay Chou 周杰倫 [NEW! Capricorn 魔杰座]

周杰伦 -女儿红















[08102008 9.40am | disoriented. -TBCed- ]

how selfish would you be in order to gain something, to have something your way.
at what expense. or, at WHO's expense.
and then, when you see the pain and unhappiness you're causing, what would you do.
i'm going to let go, so God help me.


its a struggle against my nature, and what i think i should do.
what i think i should do usually wins out, but my self control sucks... cos...
i give in very easily to jealousy and anger, although my mask is f l a w l e s s---
but, if you want to ruin me, that's all you need to make me feel.
fortunately, i don't usually bother with feelings of great depth unless you mean alot alot alot to me.
i mean, i'm definitely not a compassionate person, and i seldom empathize with other people, unless i have been through something similar, or, once again, you mean alot alot alot to me.
even so, i'm more likely to scold you until you "wake up your idea", rather than "mmm" and nod sympathetically.
unfortunately, that means i would rather be treated likewise - without the excessive fussing over me thing - and the people who care about me cannot reconcile this.


i need to stop convincing myself, and just live true to what i really think.
i can do anything on earth, as long as i can convince myself to. but most of the time its not something i really want to do, but i convince myself that it is anyway, and then, proceed to live out a nightmare.


hah... this song, which i keep replaying has a sound that sounds like the Garena PM message sound. so everytime i get to that part, i become confused and i click on my task bar to see who msged me.
*plays other songs... 周杰伦 -女儿红.... 失落非主流..
and this one has such a cute name 失恋的青蛙 - Lovelorn Frog
(WILLY FROG hahhaa... =x )
jay's NEW ALBUM out on 15th OCT!!! but most of the songs have leaked already.
its amazing how i always look forward to his new albums... goodness... its been... 5 years? or so? of looking forward to his annnual album release.


"ya, if you wanna know the truth, it IS MY fault. it sucks to be a sub, i only needed one experience to be sure of that. but life's not fair."
then again. there's no need to be so mean, because regardless, i win.


tbc-ing 5.04pm
i was about to compose something... but my spark of inspiration disappeared after i was called away from my desk to attend to something.
so now i'm left... with something to say, but not quite able to remember what it was...

i was given some work to do, and then, i just got surprised by my colleagues. LOL.
so now my mind is totally not on what i wanted to say...

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

[ 07102008 12.57pm | lingeringthoughts~ ]

爱 我却不能给妳我全部


jay chou - 失落非主流

时间过了 走了

怎么了 你累了 说好的幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了

你不懂了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了

怎么了 你累了
我懂了 不说了
爱淡了 梦远了

Monday, October 06, 2008

[ 06102008 10.09am | trepidation. ]

suffice it to say that i'm going to approach today with caution.


it's highly likely that i may MIA...
but i doubt i willy. --- HAHAHA willy!!!. i meant WILL.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

[ 04102008 1.56am | almoststepheniemeyer ]

where did this deep anger come from... when did this paralyzing anguish make its presence known. i'm a victim of my own devices. i'm paying for something i should never have purchased. Never.

yet, if i could live it all again, i would.
such is the paradox that i am.

my only comfort is my sanity. in reasoning and analysing do i wheedle myself out of this closed darkness that i've shut myself into.

i have all but succumbed.
this is something i have asked for, so i will deal with the consequences.
it takes all i've got to hold back from clawing your eyes out and breaking your nose.

someone said i've become more vocal here, online, in cyberspace. i concur... without you, my faithful online webspace, i'd be driven to a point of no return - you are my means of mental survival, and writing here, allows me to be... Almost... free.
to you, i can bare everything that i could never admit to anyone.

thank you. for being an (un)willing partner, when the emotions rumble like thunder overhead and threaten to storm around me... to fog out my carefully constructed facade of stability.

but i am surely, irrevocably altered. for this is... to say the least... debilitating.

so, please, proceed, my darling. its only whats left for you to continue acting out, before i shut this chapter away, and never revisit it.

maybe after i've removed your image from my heart...
i'll do it, even if it means getting a ****ing transplant.
cos you give me no reason to stay. or try. or... look back.

replace the mask.
not a hair out of place.
remove the weakness from my eyes.
yes. that especially.
hold my head high, and pull. pull with all my might, at the roots of-what-was that are strangling my heart.


Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown

Just don't ask me how I am

Friday, October 03, 2008

[ 03102008 5.39pm | vexed ]

and i'm not sure why exactly.
as usual, its a combination of things. MANY things, may i add.
but i believe the root of the problem is that i think too much.
its a good thing i adjust my emotions quickly, so shocks never really shock me for long. and anyway, because i think so much, i seldom really get shocked.


my mum was searching for garden snails yesterday, hammering the shell off them, and tenderizing the snail meat for Charcoal (char for short), when she sprained her ankle.
she's now on crutches. =_=
Char likes smashed snails.
and i think i know what it is, its a white breasted moorhen/waterhen.
heres a link, theres a small pic of the little black maomao things.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

[ 02102008 11.48 | verytiredandverynoob ]

比想像中更痛 你真的沒回頭

回憶不跟你走 都擠在我心中

謝謝你曾讓我難過 謝謝我沒有想太多

我眼淚都笑了 誰還想哭呢
再勇敢的站著 找回光和熱
面對你的時候 我不會捨不得
因為路有些曲折 是美的
我眼淚都笑了 誰還想哭呢
來不及完美的 就唱首驪歌
想起你的時候 我不是卑微的
因為我已愛過你 深深的

心碎成了沙漠 就快開鑿綠洲

你溫柔的雙手 本就不屬於我

[ 02102008 12.54am | blackchicklet... ]


my parents went to see the istana today, in their own words, "we've seen the palaces of other countries... but not our own country"

and... they brought this home.

apparently it was squeaking helplessly in the middle of a road, and my dad couldnt help but rescue it.

its so cute... and it loves me... maybe cos i was in all black, and i'm 毛毛黑黑可爱too.



Don't go wasting your emotion...
Lay all your love on me
Dont go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

[ 01102008 3.14am | =D ]

its a happy night...
i'm a happy fish.


these are evil books.
they speak of the impossible union... many impossible unions to be exact.
and despite the impossibility of the situation, how emotion doesnt say die, hence forcing a reaction into further emo situations.
in all, i wouldnt say they are examples of excellent writing, nor would i say they are exceptionally riveting.
they do not explore many issues (if any at all), so far, and i'm into the 3rd book, and the plot is drawn out and simplistic.
predictable perhaps.
what draws the reader, however, is how the situation, the emotions depicted, sync, pull, and draw out parallel feelings and memories.


i proposed today.
to a streetlamp.
i have the bruise on my left knee as testimony.
LOL. ok fine. honestly, its called - birkies are too slippery to walk through 2 cm deep puddle even though wearer was treading with extra care but good thing wearer is imbued with grace from higher being enabling her to fall looking like... poetry in motion.


perhaps i've changed my mind about MFM.