Wednesday, March 31, 2004

[ 31032004 10.54pm | ]

my cast is off. i have a very small leg. and i still cant walk properly. tml's driving exam... anticipation... hope my leg can hold up under all the pedal pressing...


just an observation.
ever realise that some people pee really softly on purpose in public toilets? so self conscious. like, they go in, theres no noise, you hear a flush and they're out.
i dunno about guy toilets though... cept that you all flash each other all the time. so i dont think you all will bother to pee softly.


i was reflecting on my uni life so far. and one incident seems to be stuck in my mind...
it was one of the first few floorball sessions, we were having a bonding (yes yes... rj ppl... team bondage eh...) session. one requirement was that we learnt each other's boyfriend's names.
this incident suddenly became pretty important to me cos i have been thinking about relationships and stuff.
the thing about it was, we were all assumed to be attached. it was not just that we should be, but that if we weren't, it'd be weird.
think back to sec school. or perhaps even jc. to be attached then, was like... a wth kinda thing. like... you were the odd one out if you were attached...

its the age. we are old. i have to face facts.

relationships take on a much greater significance at this stage in life. because, we are all assumed to be looking for something serious and long term. hence, parents will step in more. alot more. like, your parents possibly couldnt care less if u were attached in sec school, then now, suddenly, the person isnt good enough for you, how about my friends daughter / son, come from top school, rich family... watever.
-of cos, thats just one type of parents. my parents, are the type who held me tightly on a string in my younger days and presently let me free. hmm... not that they really held me tightly... they didnt really have the need to... anyway...-

are we really meant to be in serious relationships / marriage? is that really what we are meant to do?
Adam and Eve... 2 of them... for life...
is a life long partnership with ONE person really the best thing for humans?
whats more substantial than being ogled at by various men is that you know there is one person who will think you are beautiful even when you're eighty, have morning breath and sagging jowls.
is it?


Monday, March 29, 2004

[ 28032004 11.55pm | lolz... ]

zhenyuan got pissed with me quoting things... so he decided to abuse my angelfire password and changed the spydir pic. lolz... wanna see what else he's added?

this ones called kirsten tang.
(sorry ms dunst...)

hes actually pretty artistic... must see his ORD shirt. (which is blocked in the pic below...)

at ian chen weida's / tianxiang's bdae last night :

all seniors... i'm the only extra junior there... met the most unlikely ppl though... like ryan the prostitute =) and noel, a pri school classmate.

thanks for uploading the pics zy. though u ruined my spydir. shall leave it like that for a few days to amuse you.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

[ 28032004 8.53pm | abstinence. ]

zy is a kok. he always scolds me for making him wait and standing him up and whatever. just because he had to wait an hour at kembangan mrt for me to show up. wadeva. patience i say... is a long lost virtue. then right, every night, he says he will meet me online to frag or whatever, then he goes off the gunbound with his gfs or he runs off really early under the pretext of sleeping early for driving. or he gets an overseas call from his gf, which basically means that he stands at spawn point doing nothing (spawn is a computer term for when you become alive again after dying...) and getting scolded by tons of ppl for wasting time.

ok. so now, he scolds me for standing him up last night again... with a new twist.

smilyface says:u AH
smilyface says:last night stand me up again.
sephora says:haha
sephora says:u never fix with me properly wat
smilyface says:its a good thing im not marrying you haha... god knows what might just happen
sephora says:hahahah
sephora says:hahhaa
sephora says:what kind of stupid comment is that???


[ 28032004 7.03pm | horny.idiotz ]

i havent been to check my friendster account in ages. and when i get back, here's what i enounter :

hello... do u mind intro and being fren but 1st i
hope u dun mind my problem...

i found out my this illness when i was having
body check up when i was p6 then doc found out tt
i have problem with controlling my blood flow to
my penis and it cos me to get hard easily and
sometime without reason tt cos me to be easily
horny then now a days it got fr bad to worse...
so i'm very scare... so i hope to find someone
who will dun mind me and willing to care for
me... so do u mind me as fren? i just hope to be
only fren and have someone to tok to abt my
problem as i dun dare to let any of my real fren
know my problem... really hope to see your reply
soon... =|

his account is presently suspended. haha.
its actually pretty funny.

i have a sore throat, for some strange reason... i think i burnt it.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

[ 27032004 1.41am | ugh. ]

went to watch the eye 2 with joey and weiming.
weiming is really... he deserves a kok of the year award. come. let me quote some of his sayings of the day. this feels a little like "mel-moments" -grin-
"i really like good sound systems... good sound can give me like an artificial orgasm."
"i'm so irritating... uh? i mean, i'm so irritated... oops."

then. he comes over to my place, and we end up watching survivor and the new home with my parents.
after he leaves, i'm on the phone in my room, and my mum crashes into my room.
"tammy ah... i dont understand you youngsters... how can you one day go out with this guy, next day go out with another... weiming is a nice boy... you better not lead him on ah..."
then shes like... who are you talking on the phone with? weiming ah?
me: "..."

like... huh? weiming... defend yourself 吧.


weiming. says:-.-

weiming. says:ur mum is quite kok

sephora says:hahaha

sephora says:u can comment on that that too

weiming. says:wait lemme think of what to write

weiming. says:how embarassing

sephora says:hahahaha

sephora says:y?

sephora says:were u expecting that?

weiming. says:nope

weiming. says:i was expecting the usual weiming is a really nice boy why dont you consider him type of thing

weiming. says:heh.

sephora says:hahahah

weiming. says:beech!

weiming. says:i'm not embarassed

weiming. says:hm embrarass

sephora says:$%#$!Q

sephora says:hahaha


he is so nice he cant even call me a "bitch" back, outright.
and his spelling sucks.


and his response after reading all this is... :
weiming. says:
hey could you just step out of your house for a sec?
weiming. says:
i need to strangle you just for a moment

Friday, March 26, 2004

[ 26032004 3.20pm | ]

crystal heart
Heart of Crystal

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

this me?
[ 26032004 3.08pm | hell.weeks ]

its finally over. i have one more common test on monday and then... its full swing for the exams. haha. right. which is way too late. i'm terribly not fond of the nus system... i'd much rather a month of studying rather than learning right up to the exam. sucks.
oh well.
consolation is that everyone's going through the same thing. so, its down to who handles it better.
off to prepare for driving.
apologies for the large picture. my tagboard and links are at the bottom of the page for now. too lazy to resize it... esp since my lappie doesnt have adobe...


Thursday, March 25, 2004

[ 25032004 11.33pm | i'm.old ]

this is why. my juniors have POPed. gosh.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

[ 24032004 10.25pm | . ]

~ 暴风雨

i have gotten my computer to type chinese! whee!!! this is so damn good.
all thanks to my dad the compie geek.

i am suffering from caffeine withdrawal... i cant stand it. its this headachey, dozey feeling... argh. i need a caffeine shot... damn studying. without studying, i wouldnt need caffeine.
but then... i love caffeine.
such is human nature.
we love to do things that are wrong for us, knowing full well that its bad for us.
like eating junk food, like getting suntans, like drinking coffee, like staying up wil 6am everynight, like skipping lectures and rationalising that its cos we need to study.

ok. you get my drift.

had my first circuit lesson today. was pretty fun, cept that i spent the day in gear 1. damn. haha. other than when i was on the road there and back lah. circuit lessons pass very fast, because theres alot of waiting involved, no time to do anything much. like... just went one round... did the stations... and it was time to go back.
$45 just like that.

i really need coffee.

[ 24032004 3.49am | weiming. ]

wm just left my house a short while ago. happy birthday again! although i already wished you (yesterday, 23032004) and although you already told me it wasnt particularly happy.
congrats on being the first person to read through my inbox, no mean feat considering i have 156 msgs there. treasure the experience, cos i dont think i'm gonna let anyone else catch me in my mad mood that lets ppl do that to my phone again.
you woke my chicken up on the way out... it was making alot of noise. but at least my sister's bitch was quiet. surprisingly.
and... success. you left earlier than the last time. haha...

if u ppl havent been seeing me online at night as much as usual, its cos i've been spending nights away from home, which means without my com too. mostly at Shen's house. which is so conveniently near to school... other than that... was a mich's house over the weekend. which was fun =)
last night at shen's was particularly fun. after i finished my work, and shen had finished dozing intermittently and being woken up by the people around her house --
(mum : your night become day, your day become night. wake up!
sis3 : ert... can i borrow ____
sis4 : see my doggy!! *bounce bounce* whee!
me : eh, u want me to wake you up not?
sis1 is the only one who left her alone...)

anyway. she finally woke up to watch the top model show and i sat in the room learning sign language from sis3 : shen lynn. its a Wesley Methodist Church course, so all the sign language i know has to do with praise and hymns. but its pretty alot. and its soo fun. its so cool... its a language, but not really a language.
(speaking of languages, kenn is into taking jap next sem too!)

after all that, we went to midnight curry with bala and leinad. hahaha... which was also damn fun. (hear that hanz? it was DAMN fun. all the more so cos there was 4 of us, which means only one thing... bridge!) ran into shaun there... who gave us a lift back in.
must remember to pass the ice pack back to leinad.
was playing bridge all afternoon in her clubhouse with them guys too. havent done that for eons man... not since a level / post a level break days...

zy, sorry. wm took up too much of my time... will frag with you. soon.


Monday, March 22, 2004

[ 22032004 2.17am | load. ]

i have a load off my shoulders.
for those who should know, like joel, you're asleep. so i cant tell you. shen, told, wm... u already warned me u'd be gone. so... u just gotta wait. ting, soon soon...
hai2 you3 shui2?
mich and the rest (rest, cos they dont read here anyway)? soon soon too...
this has been a damn interesting night.
i have just realised that i have managed to accumulate quite a few close friends whom i am actually talking to pretty openly... thank God for all you ppl man! u help me put my mind in its place and you alternately scold and support me. although advice is selectively taken, i do appreciate all of it. needless to say, you've all given me a lesson in communication, one that i badly needed...

i'm a happy, settled person.
*contented smug look*

for now at least.

一 路 上 有 你 ~ Jay chau

你 知 道 吗? 爱 你 并 不 容 易
是 需要 很 多 勇 气
是 天 意 吧 让 我 爱 上 你
但 你也 离 我 而 去

*晨 曦 细 雨 重 临 在 这 大 地
人 孤孤 单 单 躲 避
转 身 刹 那 在 这 熟 悉 的 路 旁
察 觉 身 后 路 人 是 你
也 扛 轮 回 里 早 已 注 定
今 生 就该 我 怀念 你
一 颗 心 在 风 雨 里 飘 来 飘 去
都是 为 你

一 路 上 有 你 苦 一 点 也 愿 意
就 算 是 为 了 分 离 也 有 相 遇
一 路 上 有 你 痛 一 点 也 愿 意
就 算 这 辈 子 注 定 要 和 你 分 离


总 要 在 雨 天 逃 避 某 段 从 前
但 雨 点 偏 偏 促 使 这 样 遇 见
总 要 在 雨 天 人 便 挂 念 从 前
在 痛 哭 拥 抱 告 别 后 从 没 再 见

Sunday, March 21, 2004

[ 21032004 2.54pm | ]

[ 21032004 12.52pm | random- ]

you know what, kids allow adults to look silly, legitimately. ever see parents or an adult capering around goo-gooing at a toddler?
kids bring out the best and the worst in a person. especially if it happens to be your kid.
my tuition kid for example, can really drive me so nuts that i feel like twisting his arm off. but, he also teaches me self control. so, instead of twisting his arm off, i just smack him on his butt. the mother always says i'm way too nice with him. then she'll appear in the room now and then and yank his ears off. haha.


strange how the most unexpected things can make me smile.
guess thats why i'm hard to read and to please and piss off.
cos i am comforted by the strangest things, pissed off by the most unexpected situations, and there's very few things that make me happy.
my life line is pretty flat. its stable, but it takes alot to make it peak or dip. not just alot. there's really few things. and boy are they strange.
so now, i'm sitting in the middle of things... i'm smiling to my computer, but i'm also feeling this immense... down-ness.



Saturday, March 20, 2004

[ 20032004 11.10pm | somewhere.down.there ]

happy birthday ruthie dear! last night was really fun... one of those "up and go" days when we just hang out, then decide to stay over last minute and everyone miraculously can.
think my parents are slacker about things like this already. afterall... i am 20 this year. grone.
jon cheng - you are a good guy man... if ruth does anything strange to you tell me. i'll smack her for you.

to find out a person isnt what you thought he was. (i'm gonna use "he" in place of " he / she ", ok, cos its too tiring to keep typing out that long thing.)
to discover that all along, there were things you never knew about this person, that he was so much more complex than he showed himself to be. to find out that he wasnt what he was. is he still the same person?
(sick of using he. shall use she now)
she's an angel, as long as you arent too close to her. she's practically perfect, but you can feel somethings not too right...
call it vibes. you can just tell.
to change, yet revert back after the impetus is gone, was never a change at all.

i'm pretty much in a low. alot of my world views have changed. my cousin actually said i look old today. which is one heck of a statement... its like jes saying i'm guniang.
i've aged.

if i sound so terribly disjointed, its cos i have something that i want to say, but will not voice it out here because this is a public blog.

Friday, March 19, 2004

[ 19032004 1.50am | hair.and things. ]

i was looking at my pink fingers todae... pink cos the pen i was using leaked all over. and... was wondering that the hair on our fingers is for... i mean, come on... i really dont see a purpose in having hair THERE. its so out of place. just a few sprouts in the middle of no where... not like that area is under alot of attack. unless you wear rings lah. and i dont think it'll take the hurt out of a punch.
think i shall go shave them off.
hair on your toes is really out of point too.
if anyone can figure out what kinda use these random bunches of hair are for... let me know. just fingers and toes pls.
i mean, God created us... he must have a reason for positioning hair there.


sir is back. haha. o, sir, i didnt get u her world. i havent been mobile or rich enough. seriously. anyway, i think they are still selling! so go buy... haha... when we going out!!


my cast stinks.
2 more weeks. help.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

[ 18032004 1.11am | thoughtz- ]

saw this old man on the mrt fiddling with a handphone... led me to think about what kind of old people my generation would make.
think about it.

old people nowadays are classified as techno unsavvy, internet illiterate, etc etc.
i dont think you can imagine yourself as an old person, being unable to type an sms right!!!
i think... we will be a palm top / lap top carrying, smsing all day long... kinda old people. but by then, newer things would have come out, that the younger generation would be more savvy at than us...
so i guess the measure is not what we do, but how fast we adapt to new things?


oh yeah, and i was asking myself if i mind strange people reading my blog. i think i can answer safely... no. because, i dont write strictly personal stuff here. and i dont think that many people do have this site add anyway. or even if they do, how much stamina can they have... to read through millions of tiny letters... no mean feat.
to read regularly, would drive most people mad.
i dont really think that one can safely deduce what kind of person i am through reading my blog. because, what you see here, is what i portray myself to be. internet is such an interesting medium... its faceless.
at most, you'd be given an insight into the way i think, and you'll get to see the facets of me that i allow you to / construct for you to see.


been on a downloading spree...
check out
its got practically every hot chinese song there.
and they are wma files, meaning they are all damn small!!
but also means that you have to convert them to mp3 if u want to burn them -i think-

current stuck on - qiu ze : dang wo bu zai ba

i've been pretty inspired to mug up my chinese. its pretty bad to call yourself a chinese and then not be able to speak your own language properly.
its... well... embarrassing.
then again, why does race matter?
my tutor was talking about race and ethnicity.
he was from the philippines, and he's of mixed heritage. so when he came to singapore to work, he was asked what his race was on numerous forms. and he just didnt know what to fill in because he had never been confronted with this question before!
he's a fillipina, and i think thats all that matters to him.
why is it that singapore is so particular about race? why is that question everywhere? from signing up for a credit card, to buying a house, to claiming insurance, to seeing a doctor. does race really matter? maybe if i'm arab they wont let me see a doctor?

then again, maybe singapore is just keeping track of the different races around... cos she prides herself as being multiracial right? so you must have the statistics to prove it.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

[ 17032004 1.19pm | my.jerk.and.i ]

this is supposedly my best match. i found the descriptions btw.

Hopeful. Awkward. Soft-headed. Fire intrigues you. You are The Manchild.

Okay, Manchildren have some good qualities. They can be unpredictable, brash, magnetic--and therefore highly charismatic. Particularly, you're passionate and are often a hell of a lot of fun.

But we'd like you to consider not using OkCupid. You can be unthinking and hurtful, and we think you LIKE seeing bad things happen. You've had a moderate number of relationships, but broken a disproportionate number of hearts. In total, you mean well, but don't really have it together.

It's up to you, of course, whether to continue dating. There are plenty of men out there who do deserve you. But you've heard our advice.


so i'm supposed to look for a heartbreaker? lol!

this is supposed to be the exact opposite of me.

Easy to turn on. Hard to beat. You are The Playstation.

You're a nice girl, and you have lots of sex. It's therefore highly likely that you're attractive, and you're certainly outgoing & friendly. Plus, this healthy physical attitude of yours indicates deeper emotional well-being and stability. Unheard of. When guys dare to dream, they dream of you.

You don't get attached too easily, and, to wit, you're not necessarily looking for something long-term right now. That's a bigger asset than you know. Though, physically speaking, you're open to anything, you're keeping your emotional side well-protected. This means there won't be a lot of wreckage to clean up whenever you decide to settle down.

In the meantime, the men you share yourself with actually respect you. Like them, you enjoy sex for its own sake and don't need any other validation for pleasure than pleasure itself. Hopefully, you have the good sense to blow off anyone who thinks less of you for that. Usually, this is the part of the description where we offer some life-correcting advice, but honestly, we can't think of anything about you we'd change. Keep on f******, partner.

sorry about the ***'s. i couldnt bring myself to swear on my blog.
heh. what a freak.

if, even after reading my prev entry, you havent gone to check it out,
pls go do the survey.
and tell me what u are.
[ 17032003 12.51pm | ]

which is what i'm thinking will happen to my ge3206 module as well as my driving test.
shot 2 red lights and depressed the clutch without changing down my gear.
i dunno wat was wrong with me todae! to all you dare devils who were driving around this morning, even after i explicitly told you not to, shame on you. you could have been pulverized by a very dangerous learner - me.

anyway, the pregnant thing aint really me lah. and i'm not sure if i'm considered a dreamer. i'm pretty cynical. and jaded. so... at best... an ex-dreamer? or maybe theres a dreamer in me that's being suppressed.

"You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. "
i think this is pretty much. ME.

what distresses me about this survey is that they dont let you see the other types. or maybe i just havent been able to find it cos i'm so daft.
[ 17032004 3.52am |! ]

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

Your exact opposite:
The Playstation
(Random Gentle Sex Master)

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy, The Loverboy

CONSIDER: The Manchild


this is really a damn good survey. my gosh. good job wm for finding it!!!
check it out here <-- ppl.
[ 17032004 2.06am | kill. ]

suffice it to say that i'm moody.
its really not my fault
studying makes me loony.
and i hate it when you dont talk

its on days like this,
when i just wanna shout
dont give me your piss,
just tell me what this's all about

whats in it for me-
other than becoming a crank
all i feel is empty-
like a drained out gas tank

so this is what i feel :
at least just give a shit
show me something real :
that you care a little bit

there's a limit to my patience
stop pushing it so much
before it turns to indifference
and 'heck'. and 'sian'. and such.

*how wm? i'm using different type of inspiration todae. not the sad type. so... what question u gonna pose now...

suddenly i'm noticing many other people who are baikar or baihand walking / hopping around school, with casts, backslabs, crutches and the like.
conclusion? I HAVE SET A NEW TREND!

and. i'm very tired.
bb zy. too tired to cs with you today.
joey - hope u can get the song.

wat else?
see u soon sir.
ming, sorry was away so din reply.
fir - u aint such a smelly cow lah.
kenn : tell me bout the show!

kok. i hate presentations that screw up.

shen is a piece of shit. shen is a piece of shit. shen is a piece of shit.
??? i dunno where that came from.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

[ 14032004 3.55pm | serious. ]

pp, visit wm. i think his site could use some publicity. =p hes got tons of insights, which he will pour out online. like... how ppl are dumb cos when they touch something thats painful, they must touch it again to make sure it was pain they felt.

in the meantime though, his tagboard is out of place, but the rest of his site's layout is a million times more sophisticated than mine.
and he says he doesnt know html.

welcome chow. when are we going out with shen?



are : emotional, psychological, and physical.
have you realised that? that one word... encompasses these three facets.
if you need expansion on how it is related to these three sides of a person...
emotion is practically a synonym to feeling., however, says it is :"A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling"
feeling, mental state, physiological changes. emotion. all mentioned in one sentence.
need i explain more?
i do? ok.
feelings are said to happen in your heart. right? think : "heartache" "my heart tells me this is right" "heart pain"
no. your heart is just a lump of muscle thats prone to myocardial infarction, esp if you eat to much fatty shit.
where all this takes place, is inside your tiny head. psychological. pls, dont tell me your heart thinks. if you tell me your spine thinks, maybe. but your heart has no grey matter.
ok? settled?
simple. ask your dad to poke you with a pin.
or, you can ask william hung to "stings like a bee" you.
other than that, when you feel your heart hurting as a result of immense sadness, its your brain manifesting its unrest.

end of the story?
the next time you say i'm feeling... er... hungry? angry? siao? depressed? whatever, think of this discourse and try to figure out if "emotional, psychological and physical" can be separated...
figure out which one starts the chain reaction. wouldnt that be interesting?


on walking.
ever marvelled at how amazing walking is? all you do is put one foot infront of the other and you start moving. ive always marvelled at this small miracle, more so now that i'm immobile.
but its ok. i love my crutches. =) the mechanics of using crutches to move, is so much more interesting than plain walking... you get abs to boot.


enough out of me.
*stuffs a few fingers and toes in my mouth*
o, 4000 hits day is over. looks like i missed noting that day...

Saturday, March 13, 2004

[ 13032004 4.29pm | post.drunkenness ]

parents left for msia yesterday morning. had a pretty good day yest. =) went to cartel and stunk ourselves out then went off the shens place to watch a damn freaking funny american idol. after which, the 3 of us - ting shen i, went 7-11 hopping. went to 3 7-11's and a strange 24hr mamashop before we found our vodka mudshakes. yeah... 5% alcohol but i can still get pretty seh on it.

guess which drink is mine? lol...

before the drinking though, was the highlight of the night for me, and shen's nightmare. haha... cos... i drove her chao ji old bmw around her estate. wahahaha... damn fun...
even with my

now... u noe why shen was so panic

took damn stupid shots in the car, with the digi cam that always seems to be around nowadays when we go out...
heres our heineken ad shot...

and the 3 of us with a crutch.

sir... pls ah, dont call me skinny again and start telling me to eat more... cos i'm really putting on weight already.
o, and if i look a little strange in some of the photos, its cos i was concentrating on positioning the camera so that it could capture all of us nicely in the frame... not easy i can tell you. try taking a picture of youself by yourself, without using a timer lah...

anyway, heres another of my "in a cast™" analogies:
"children are like crutches... they really are a pain, and are always in the way... but in the end, you grow to love them and depend on them..."

to refresh your minds, my first "in a cast™" analogy was :
"walking around with a broken leg thinking its a sprain"

that aside, the stayover at shen's was... interesting to say the least. as always, when us gals gather, theres a long debate on relationships and a general exhanging and reiterating of our respective points.
i for one, have a theory that everyone must go through the stage of "perfection".
this stage is when you are with your first other half. perfection is still possible cos you are clean and innocent and well... innocent. theres a pressure to make it last, to live up to the romantic ideal of "the first and the last" or... the "one and only". in reality, how often does that happen? its takes a hell lot of communication on both sides, as well as a freaking lot of effort. plus, when you are totally inexperienced, you have no idea how to handle things. unless both parties can work things out together, and unless both parties are on equal ground with each other... theres no way things are gonna be "first time perfection".

then theres the "innocence lost" thing.
theres really a large difference in those who've been hurt before and those who havent been... i witnessed it last night. tings totally full of energy and bubbly and stuff... turn the camera around and you see someone whos just looking so tired and worn...
to look back on jc photos is a sort of pleasure pain. miss those days long gone, the carefree jump around everywhere kinda days... it was immeasureably fun... the perfect mix of work and play. the pain comes in when you remember that its an era of your life thats past. that the "you" then... is not the "you" now. and never will be again...

about the "you never realise what it was until its gone" thing...
thats tied in with innocence lost. its sad to see people have to grow up this way... its like... watching it happen to yourself again... and this, time, you can identify all the stages cos youve been through it, though you may not have realised that you have been through it til its over...

abit on ting's "nice guys finish last"
never gave this much thought, but what she wrote really makes sense.
"but there's something about bad guys.
how they scowl at the world but smile only at you.
how they are cool to all but warm only to you.
how they wouldnt care less about anyone, anything, but you."

so, sorry to all you good guys out there... like... weiming. haha... youre too nice. maybe you should take up a biker bad boy image, since uve gotten yourself a bike. *chuckle*

about : "defences"
what type are you?
1. the type who just immediately gives everything and is open to all kinds of hit and run injuries?
2. the type who has a wall around you, and is damn difficult to reach... but once the wall is down, you're forever devoted.

both are alike, in the way that they are fickle, or can be fickle. the first is the "taken easily by emotions" type, the second is the "you cant reach me, you have no hold on me" type. in these 2 stages, it is very likely, and easy for them to run off with someone else.
i think i should prefer the second. thats they type that is damn rewarding... you have to work on chiseling away the defences that has taken years to build up, the calloused heart, as one might say... no. 2's also the kind thats most likely to leave you wrecked though... so unless youre prepared for it...

a couple of nights ago, i was csing. yeah... i'm back on cs again, thanks to zhenyuan... and my sister came in and gave me a tight hug. i was like... "eh?"
and she was like... "you silly snow queen... i'm trying to melt your heart... you have to realise that life is better on the other side..."

the story of the snow queen... (for those not in the know)
there was once this snow queen who captured a little girl. the snow queen froze the little girl's heart so she became cold and unfeeling...
this little girl had a brother, and the brother was damn sad when she disappeared. so he looked everywhere for her. on his way, he was aided by little animals who told him that his sister was taken by the snow queen.
when he finally found her, she was so stone that he just couldnt reach her... he tried talking to her, touching her, looking at her... to no avail.
in desperation, he hugged her and cried warm tears all over her.
at this, the shards of coldness that the snow queen had put into her melted away and she became her old self.

yup. that was really abridged and altered. but in essence, thats what its about.
somehow reminds me of "the lion, the witch and the wardrobe"
okie. later. gotta do work.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

[ 11032004 11.35pm | seh.liao ]

spent the greater part of my day mugging. or rather, trying to get down to mugging. thanks to the 2 50c cups of tea i had, i managed to sustain my focus from 5-10. excellent. i must keep up with this. fir, u smelly cow... tell me call u to study, and when i do, u dont turn up. haha.
anyway, is there logic in skipping lectures to catch up on work? cos, if you are already behind on work, and you skip lects... doesnt that give you a greater back log eventually? in the short term, if you are rushing deadlines, i guess its useful... but then, you'll be missing out on more and more...

arts canteen is excellent to study in from like... 7pm on. its quiet, except for wannabe singers and noisy gossipy trios, but they all start leaving from 7 on. and like days todae, its really really cold. haha... better than air con.
hence, i really hope to get a place in hall next sem... so i can move out to study in the canteen at night. and, i better study man. cos if zy and i both get a place in hall... we're gonna be gaming non stop. hoho.

o, ppl, keep off the roads on weds and fris ok? cos i'm gonna be driving around. haha. stay on the highways, cos learner drivers like me, with broken legs, arent allowed on highways.
anyway, theres no rule against driving with this kinda disability right?
in fact, my clutch control is better than before, cos now i'm forced to go really really slowly cos i cant really feel the pressure. last time... its the gung ho give the instructor a heart attack kinda speed parking. lol...
o, it was damn funny... cos i accidentally accelerated around a bend... a 90 degree turn into car park kinda bend... instead of pressing the brake. lol... mr lim was like... AIYO!! and he panickedly grabbed the handle above the door. hahahaha...

Saturday, March 06, 2004

[ 06032004 3.41am | eh? ]

mich... ure always running off to dunno where... glad ure back... for a while... to scold me for being cheena.

yan... nice quote. which movie?

the 3 gaying guys on my tagboard : wm is thwacker. not mata. he is traumatised that u were unsure of his identity. if it helps, he was known as the wanker. thwacker. and. stop squeezing his ass man! u might get some weird germ... its preachie u noe.

essay's done. and i'm brain dead. i slept all afternoon. so i really cant sleep now.
i was sitting here thinking... hey, shouldnt i be out clubbing and all since i'm finally done with my midterm stuff and the like... then i realised... even if i was done with all that, i'm not done with my broken ankle. so. well.
tmls gonna be a nice slack day at home... yay. will use it to catch up on more work. i mean, since i'm out of action, i should use my energies elsewhere.
have to meet up with zy sometime... hmz. how ah. no leg.

oh my gosh, pls check this clip out. pls pls... its damn funny.
but i got a comment on it. person said he thinks that the clip was staged. as in, they did this for fun, not really to be broadcast. but watever, its damn funny.

does anyone actually understand what i'm blabbering about?

anyway, my AspI did damn well for his a's... so proud of him. i mean, come on... what can be better than 4a's, 2d's, a1 and b3?? results to die for!!

[edited] u see. this is how brain dead i am. i say "hey, go check out this site" then i forget to give u the url. <---

Friday, March 05, 2004

[ 05032004 4.07am | floundering. ]

shen ye li meng zhong xing lai zai hei an zhong zhi neng kan jian ni de lian
xiang zhe cong qian de kuai le dan chun dou gen zhe ni li qu
li wo du zi ju jue gu dan bei shang
ru he siao mie xin zhong wei ni ran shao de ke wang?

this looks like it could make an interesting chorus.

floundering through my essay. urgh.
and my mind is totally not here...

weiming - inspiration comes from sources that you least expect. sometimes. like... from watching your toenails grow... or depression stemming from watever depresses you. i've realised that the easiest sadness to express is that of leaving a relationship. i think this is because theres been so many things written about it! the vocab is all there, all you need to do is rearrange it... and voila. expression.
other forms of depression, not so talked about, so theres a lack of vocab there. eg, being ostracized in school, or family problems (ok, family problems is easier than being ostracised), or smelly toenails etc. but definitely. sadness practically = failed relationship, in terms of songs at least.
just turn on the radio.
hence, my argument is that (national debators, here i come.) i could be feeling depressed about some other shit thing, like... why my toenails arent growing, but because there is a lack of a large pool of vocab to draw from to describe why people are sad when their toenails dont grow, being the unimaginative copycat that i am, i choose to express my depression in the most eloquent and avaliable form there is.

and the opposition says...

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

[ 02032004 11.46pm | lost. ]

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the crying myself to sleep at night
only to wake moments later on a damp pillow
wanting to scream your name with all my might

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the double-lidded puffy mornings
the dry aching of my eyes
mirroring my heart and all its yearnings

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the glances everywhere that remind me of you
of us and all that was
your things scattered in a frozen tableau

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the feeling of being hollow
of emptiness that nothing can fill
except sadness. solitude. sorrow.

i never asked for all the pain
i never asked for all this mental torture
i never asked for you to leave this stain
on the fabric of my life

i never asked for this darkness in my eyes
i never wanted my smile to become so forced
i never presumed to use my mouth for sighs
for the formation of this plastic demeanor

your shirts were meant for snuggling in
not crying into
memories were meant to be smiled at
not regretted
beds were meant for sleeping in
not sitting on awake til dawn
make-up was meant for beautifying
not concealing

to be open to you means to be open always
to injury, to happiness, to breaking... (a)part...
of me will always be a little kid
looking for her lost innocence and dreams and what
she once found in you.

** pls dont send me smses or drop me sympathetic msgs asking if i'm ok. i am ok, i always am. this doesnt reflect my life, its merely the effects of inspiration. thank you for your concern. =)

Monday, March 01, 2004

[ 01032004 4.08am | distracted. ]

thats the best word to describe me today.

anyway, i am doing my readings, or rather, trying to do my readings... and i got distracted because i wanted to yell about something here... then i came here... and read lone rifle's buzz and then i forgot what i wanted to write.
so. i'm irritated.
but i'm listening to jay chou. so, thats helping soothe me a little. haha... shen is scolding me for having a sec school crush on him. eee... grose. no way man.

right now, all i know, is that if my parents wake up and find me still running around, they are gonna kill me. they'll probably break my other leg.
anyway, i just packed up my room [ yes weiming!! the pile at the exercise bike thing is still there though, i only packed my table... but its really really neater. to me anyway. u can take a peek when u pick up your key thing. but no, u arent staying til 5am again!! and btw, u are really kind to give you the one, but its so tempting to just chuck my work aside and watch all day... no, that doesnt mean that you can take it back. *protective scowl* ]

anyway, lone rifle : i know you hate ns... but well... i dunno. maybe breaking my leg (!) [ o! yes! i finally remembered what i wanted to come here to talk about! =) okok. stop digressing and being distracted. - frown- ] which would make me pes c is a sign. but i wouldnt be pes c forever right...
directing was just a thrown in thought... singapore holds no future for directors...
whats wrong with acting? i'll forever be cast in the role of the kid.... other than that?
journalism... is actually interesting, but looking at the state my sister is in... i'm tempted to reconsider... i guess who you work for and the subjects you tackle must be... favourable? but then again, i think i'm pretty good at working under constraints. ok. and i'm not that violent. i wont beat up passengers k... i can really be pretty patient.
and writing, i can be a freelance writer, like... moonlighting. heh...

ok. back to the topic i wanted to talk about originally. do you know, that out of all ankle injuries, only 15% of them are actually fractures / breaks ?? do you have any idea how lucky i am to actually break my ankle??? and according to this site i found, fibula injuries are surprisingly unpainful. haha. but thats not to say its painless. the first day that i injured myself, i was walking around in pain.

o, helped joey translate a song, which i really found pretty interesting. maybe i should become an interpreter... or a translator. i actually like being able to fool around with 2 languages. which is why i think i might take up jap next sem. so i can have 3 languages to fool around with. =) and i'm gonna get my parents to teach me cantonese. because, i think that in about 2 generations time, singapore will only speak english, chinese and malay. so i have to learn cantonese so i can teach my kids and grand kids to swear in a language that no one will know. haha.
[ who says i'm having kids... ok... i'll teach my sister's kids then. what a cool aunty! ]