[ 02032004 11.46pm | lost. ]

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the crying myself to sleep at night
only to wake moments later on a damp pillow
wanting to scream your name with all my might

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the double-lidded puffy mornings
the dry aching of my eyes
mirroring my heart and all its yearnings

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the glances everywhere that remind me of you
of us and all that was
your things scattered in a frozen tableau

this wasnt something that i asked for
not the feeling of being hollow
of emptiness that nothing can fill
except sadness. solitude. sorrow.

i never asked for all the pain
i never asked for all this mental torture
i never asked for you to leave this stain
on the fabric of my life

i never asked for this darkness in my eyes
i never wanted my smile to become so forced
i never presumed to use my mouth for sighs
for the formation of this plastic demeanor

your shirts were meant for snuggling in
not crying into
memories were meant to be smiled at
not regretted
beds were meant for sleeping in
not sitting on awake til dawn
make-up was meant for beautifying
not concealing

to be open to you means to be open always
to injury, to happiness, to breaking... (a)part...
of me will always be a little kid
looking for her lost innocence and dreams and what
she once found in you.

** pls dont send me smses or drop me sympathetic msgs asking if i'm ok. i am ok, i always am. this doesnt reflect my life, its merely the effects of inspiration. thank you for your concern. =)