Monday, September 29, 2008

[ 29092008 11.41am | another. ]

one more interview ! this one on Granado Espada.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

[ 28092008 1.12am | sniff* ]

nose is stuck.
i'm damn unhappy. (with my nose)


i feel like i have a hangover. (its the weird sleeping hours, i say) and perhaps its not far off from the truth.
i'm hungover from life. from my past.


i'm in love. with a ficticious character. LOL.
read twilight. perhaps he's a little stereotyped... but well... so far he sounds good. HAHA.


i've reached the state of exhaustion... where, although you're damn tired, you just can't sleep.
perhaps my exhaustion is physical only... with my mind not letting me rest.
many screwed up thoughts have been going through my head... maybe cos i'm reading fantasy novels. GG


i have decided to do my copyrighted you you you post. huayan just copied me. ROAR.

YOU are a continued pain in my ass. if you continue to hurt my ass i'm going to BITE yours off.
i have some... really tender feelings for you. tender sounds so edible.
you are cool!!!! muahahahahaha...
you're kinda irritating now... growing to be perhaps. whats with the attitude?
i like you, and the you you have!! haha...
you are just tired out, and you know that you know it, but you're still pushing yourself? for? maybe you need to use some discernment and wisdom. as in USE, not just KNOW.
you. are not there. just. not. there.
starting to have a burning hate for something that you do.
you're not what i expected. am i happy?
you... make me sad. so do you.

k enough. i have alot more tho. but i want to continue my book. and i think i have fa xie enough already.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

SmallVille - Time After Time - Eva Cassidy

heart breaking.

[ 27092008 1.21pm | the morning after ]



(hey, u were supposed to remind me to tell you something. remind me again ok)


the problem with investing all your energy, time, and emotions on something (or someone), of pinning all your hopes, wishes and solutions on that same thing (or person),
is that, if it doesn't work out,
everything. and i mean EVERYTHING,
comes crashing down around you.
and then,
you can't function.

[ 27092008 3.48am | ~ ]

you're young. happy birthday.

and you'll be just fine,
with all of your time...
its only what you're waiting for....

he's everything you need
he's everything you want
he's everything inside of you that you wished you could be
he says all the right things
at exactly the right time

but he means nothing to you, and you don't know why.


it may take some time to patch me up inside

and i can't take it so i'll run away and hide.
i may find in time that you were always right
you're always right...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

[ 26092008 12.03sm | muirn beatha dan ]

"she looks sweet... she's pretty."
a hot jealousy started to burn in my chest.

"you don't look sweet. you look serious. Deep. Like you're thinking. And you're more striking than pretty. You're the kind of girl that you don't notice is beautiful until you get real close.....
And then all of a sudden it hits you, and you think, Goddess, make her mine."


i was in the middle of thinking when bubly reminded me about my watch. and i realised... i can'f find my watch anymore. i have no idea where it went. its a tag heuer... and my sis got it for me on my 21st birthday. if the construction workers stole it... i'm gonna be damn pissed off.
then again, i'm really careless... so it might be anywhere...
*currently in the process of screaming something along the lines of knnbccbdllm


*goes off to bathe and cool down...

(yes cloudia... where were you when i needed you...)
[edit... seems like i'm mass editing recently... and adding on]

i found a cool book... haha its entitled how to take of a DD cup bra without blushing or something weird like that. and the author has a letter fetish. he aims to write books which omit one letter of the alphabet throughout the book. in this book, he omits the letter E. entirely.
the theory of it is interesting... but, i wonder how coherent and arresting it could be when your vocab is limited thus. and when so much thought and planning has to go into choice of words, as opposed to.. making it flow?

anyhow, on huahua's recommendation i picked up 3 books. buy 3 get 1 free. whee. and i bought another book, a follow on to a series i unfortunately started.
and... i paid $3.45 for all 4 books.


back but not very cooled down... *steams gently
but i figure, if it will turn up, it will turn up. if someone took it, then... okay. i'm sure he/she needs it more than i do. just... damn... why take my birthday present.


its the season to withdraw into myself, before i change my shell for a roomier one, the way a hermit crab does.
btw, PS sells hermit crabs... live ones. to keep as pets. i think weewee was like... wats the point of having something you never get to really SEE.
i've been thinking and doing some comparisons.
and i think. character really does matter so much. you could be average, but have a really interesting personality, and people will love you.
on the other hand, you could be average, but have THAT kinda look, the big eyed doe-y perma-expression, and importantly, be the damsel in distress. you could practise qing kong, but still be damn sought after.
in the end, it your choice. just don't force me/us to think the same way~
sorry to those who don't get the inside joke.


i seem to be talking alot to my blog... and alot of stuff thats getting really personal. its not something i do often... maybe its just a phase in my life.
i am so certain that throngs of people (if i may presume that i have high traffic) out there are are starting to guess all kinds of things and be exceedingly confused. or worse, start to assume certain things.
HAHA! i'm curious about what people think, and perhaps i think too much about what people think.
oh, and i have a "surprising fact" about myself to share (oops, i think i missed out on replying someone's blog chain... you know, those things where you aim people to reply a bunch of questions, and get those people to aim more people...)
and that is... when i'm tired, like shacked kinda tired, i start laughing at my own thoughts, and i ramble off on different trains of thought, all of which will be misunderstood / not understood by people who listen.
some of whom get frustrated and then proceed to leave me alone.
(ok... own up, who felt my acute... bitterness here.)
and others whom try to... talk sense into me and calm me down.
(now who sensed my irritation here. the worst thing you can tell a crazy person to do, is to not be crazy. especially when that person needs to be crazy to... release.)


and, omgosh, everyone, please go check this out. i loled my ass off.


"the perverse obsession with acquiring what isnt yours. i demur, that belongs to someone else. "
-- i need to, am inspired to come up with more screwed up quotes like this one.

[ 25082009 12.41pm | i admit. ]

simply put...
i guess i'm sad.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

[ 25092008 1.22am | attackoftheinsanefish ]

ARGH i need something ALIVE next to me NOW that i can HOLD and TALK to. [edit] AND that will LISTEN.
[edit2] something that i can BITE and CLAW at.



You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special


i believe.
i am sane. more or less.
or at least not SO insane.
thanks to huahua and weewee. and naanaa.
*refrains from tearing around the room ripping out my hair.

-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* ???? says (1:15 AM):
your pi gu!
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:15 AM):
my pigu where got so cute
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* ???? says (1:16 AM):
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* ???? says (1:16 AM):
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:18 AM):
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:18 AM):
omgosh u think my pigu is cute
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:18 AM):


FARK!!!!!!!! i'm NOT OK!

[ 24092008 10.18pm | to death. ]

willy. the king of emo.

I look in the mirror, with you in my arms
And I see a reflection
Of a smile that says you believe in love
And just for a moment, I drifted away
But I couldn't stay cuz
A hint of love, a bit of fear
I'm tryin' to say

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz my heart has given up

I'm tryin' to protect you
From the lies that your heart tells
Even though it says that you love me
All I see is pain and misery
Seasons may change
But I can't forget the days of old
My heart ached when you walked away
I said I'd never love again

The days go by
And I feel that you could make me happy
Time goes on
And I feel that love is at my door
And though I tell myself that you're the one
Who said those words before
Thought it hurts too much
I can't trust in love

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz my heart has given up

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
My heart has given up
Can't be here

[ 24092008 12.49am | ...the hypothetical emo post... or is it. ]

i feel like i'm so far from where you are. i feel like nothing i can so will close this gap.
i don't care that you're "not good enough for me", in fact, comparing us, family,
education, etc have always been more of an analysis, not so much of a judgement. the gap isnt closed for reasons other than those that what we were born with. in many ways, you actually do make up for it...
i feel like nothing i can do is right... no matter how rational i try to be, i'm always wrong.
what you try to do is always what you think is good for me. but what if its not what i think is good for me? am i supposed to swallow it and think, hey ok, i shall just appreciate the thought, but live in unhappiness with the effects?
i wish i could be more, ever so more to you than i am right now. can't you see that i'm laid open bare to you. scoop out my beating heart and take it if you wish.
i've always known, somewhere deep inside, that its not always enough to be willing, but without anything tangible to show for it. its a touching picture you paint though... and i know the sincerity. and no, its not meant to be cold comfort.
i feel like always at the receiving end of your wrath... you're fine with everyone. but me.
i tend to hold those i care for to higher standards. very much higher standards. prove it to me or crash and burn. there's such a thin line between love and hate.
the things you say cut me deeper than anything ever has... your words defied the saying that only sticks and stones can break your bones.
i've been on the receiving end, and there are things i've learnt. the reason why it hurts so bad, is cos i... my... heart... is attached to you. or vice versa.
i... can never figure out what you're saying... i sometimes wish you could just tell me straight, just open up to me... just... let me in. dont shut me out anymore...
this time... this is to you.
oh. i just can't.
i can't.
if i didnt bother so insanely much.
if i didn't feel so acutely, with every atom in me.
if i didnt.


don't ask. you wont get any answer from me.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

[ 23092008 6.03pm | KS interview!!! lol!! ]

GOGO watch their TV interview done last night.

start from 4.45


28th Sept 08 Sunday
16 Teams ONLY (single elimination)
Venue: Parklane B1, Evolution (beside Mac)

S$60 Registration includes
-30 hours free LAN (per team)

*The first 16 teams to submit COMPLETE team details to AND make payment of $60 per team will be awarded the slots.
*Payment deadline for the 16 teams is on FRIDAY 8pm. Teams which fail to pay by then will have to give up their slot to teams on the waiting list (if there are any)
*Title your email in this format: "EVO COMPIE - [YOUR TEAM NAME]"
*In your email, indicate the full name, gaming tag, i/c and contact number of each member (up to 6).
*Incomplete registrations will be ignored.
*Roster adjustments can be made only up til 24 hours before the commencement of the tournament to ensure fairness. (ie saturday 10am)
*Registration will close on Friday 26 September 2008 at 1000AM

After registering online, you will be given a confirmation ID. Use this confirmation ID to make payment:
1. Online – POSB funds transfer (further details will be included upon confirmation)
2. Manually – evo counter (please bring your i/c for verification)
*Payment deadline for the 16 teams is on FRIDAY 8pm. Teams which fail to pay by then will have to give up their slot to teams on the waiting list (if there are any)

Tournament Details
*Teams should not be previously seeded (top 8), or winners of recognized DotA tournaments in the past twelve (12) months.
*Team members from seeded (top 8) or winning teams in the past twelve (12) months are NOT allowed to take part. in addition, top 3 teams from the previous evo tourneys are not allowed to take part either.
*If you are in doubt regarding whether your member is classified as amateur or not, please check with us via email.
*Map version: latest stable version on
*Rules: WCG Singapore 2008

Terms and conditions are subject to change without prior notice by the evo management. refer to this link for the forum thread!

Monday, September 22, 2008

[ 22092008 11.33pm | fishyfish* ]

i've yet to meet my match. you're close, but no cigar.
for a while, i thought you might be, but well.


carefully released information can somehow be worse than telling all.



Friday, September 19, 2008

[ 23092008 5.34pm | KS interview!! lol! ]

GOGO watch their TV interview done last night.

start from 4.45

[ 19092008 2.49pm | sweet* ]

i found a sweet chinese song... lol... one of the rare ones which are't emo/depressed
this is what happens when u take taxi in the morning.
you are forced to listen to the uncle's radio...







i dont know about you, but i enjoy reading msn today. the little square window that pops up when you login to msn.

Can Men and Women be friends?
i have quite a bit to say about this. but i believe i've said it before, on this very same website. so i won't bore everyone and myself with a lengthy repetition.
to cut the story short, its not possible, unless/until
1) the like factor has been dealt with (ie, you're through liking the other person and thinking that something might happen. and this is probably inevitable with every guy.)
2) the guy is totally gross. in which case you wouldnt want him to be a friend either.

and i've always stood by this - your ex can never be your friend. (refer to the last line in the article)

He Wants You Back

this is just funny and cute. and dumb.

hope this encourages you all to take a look at your msn today window the next time!!!
(no i dont earn anything or benefit from promoting this...)


this is like some kind of RETRIBUTION!!! lolol....... in a damn weird way.


[ 19092008 1.58am | 火 ]



to prevent myself from saying something in the public domain that i might live to regret, i will just choose not to mention anything.
esp since i'll prob get a few more ...... (trails off... and bites tongue. ^^ )


today was fun. in general.
i love my department... sales ftw. love the people.
and evo was soooo fun. LOL... i cant rem enjoying a game so much... in such a fking long time.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

[ 17092008 3.33pm | nicenumber. ]

theres no reason why my blood should boil. but then, just the thought of your injustice and greed just gets me somewhere.
however, i see as you more of a challenge. a problem waiting for me to solve. and in that way, its fun.
its all about how you get yourself out of things, and into the things you want to get into.

its fun.
i await the excitement that all the challenges will bring me.
perhaps i'm beginning to understand why some people get a kick out of dissecting situations and changing them.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

[ 09092008 12.49am | confused. ]

i don't know. i thought one thing, but then i think another.
you're much of an enigma to me.
yet something i'd like to uncover, and at the same time run away from, much like how you squirm and your skin crawls at the sight of a poisonous jewel green snake, yet are fascinated by its shade and texture.
(i suddenly have a vision of HongKong triad initiations, movie style - a dusty warehouse, orange light bulbs... running a blade down the length of a wriggling cobra, letting the dark blood drip into a cup... the life fades from the snake... the wildly thrashing tail and red droplets stop flying... dark, cold... swallow it.)
its so morbid.
i love it.


lately i've been dropping into bed exhausted. no time for pre sleep reading, or even thinking. its just hi pillow, then immediate unconsciousness.
i guess it cant helped when i do 36 hours of sleep a week.
so it was weird when i had a dream last night. it was all so fuzzy. the situation and the story line... but what i saw was clear.
so weird. i dream in colour. do you?


release anticipation dread longing regret confusion.
alot of each. ^^
i guess confusion is probably the sum of it all.


work work
pain pain.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

[ 07092008 4.24am | arghhhhhh ]

how come i'm up at this time when my parents are around.
how come they havent woken up and started yelling at me yet.
maybe cos they're just back from the 6-8 hr drive from Msia and they're dead tired.

anyway. its good to still feel free and easy.

everything is quiet on the front, currently. everything in every aspect of my life.
which doesnt mean that a sudden eruption won't appear, as it inevitably does.
but at least i'm feeling more... stable... and at peace.
of course there are still the upsides and downsides and the random WTF!%^%$& moments... once again, in every aspect of my life.

what stops you from pursuing your dreams, your wish list... something that might be your raison detre...
if you think about it, you will realise that what makes things so difficult, is yourself, and how you think.

i'm incapable of meeting halfway. its either there, or not there.
let go.

you!!! are a FREAK!!! HELP!!!
ok maybe not really a freak...
but you freak me out!!!!!!
maybe i just need to get used to this.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

[ 04092008 11.38am | return of the basketcase ]

sam wasn't feeling well yesterday. so i went with her to tampines mall for foot reflex + back massage.
she's a regular there, her appointment card is gosu full.
i'm a noob, first time going for this.
the guys are really strong and thorough, my feet still feel kinda sore from yesterday. add in well moisturized, cos they use nivea on you. lots of it.
it was quite an experience, and i think i prob have alot of problems cos it hurts in many places.
oh well~
i'm inclined to blame the massage for making me sleep so soundly last night, that i was late for work. GG.


life is busy busy busy. i need more days in a week, more hours in a day, more minutes in an hour.
more braincells in my brain, and better multi tasking ability! more hands! more arms!


was talking to muji. sometimes i think i'm in the wrong geographical location. i should be somewhere where moving out when you hit 18 is norm. i need to be alone, settle myself, and just... lead my own life.
its not like i'm not -allowed- to. its just, that... i can't. the financial burden would kill me.
if i worked somewhere where i get 50 per hour... (ie. australia) man... all this wouldnt be a problem. sadly, i do not think i would like to stay in aus.
plus, i'm pretty much dependant on the tropical equatorial climate. i dont think i can function anywhere else.


troubled mind + lack of sleep = crazyfish.
crazy. not cray.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

[ 02022008 12.12am | about to kill someone ]

my greatest enemy is my own self.
stop your second guessing. stop playing devils advocate.
stop stop stop.

clear your mind of all this.
one day you're gonna go mad and you won't even realise it.
cos you're more or less mad already.
yay. i like talking to myself about myself. lol.

basketcase in the making.


you know it. you do.
you dont even have to think very hard, or dig very deep.
its obvious. its there.
just admit it.