i don't know. i thought one thing, but then i think another.
you're much of an enigma to me.
yet something i'd like to uncover, and at the same time run away from, much like how you squirm and your skin crawls at the sight of a poisonous jewel green snake, yet are fascinated by its shade and texture.
(i suddenly have a vision of HongKong triad initiations, movie style - a dusty warehouse, orange light bulbs... running a blade down the length of a wriggling cobra, letting the dark blood drip into a cup... the life fades from the snake... the wildly thrashing tail and red droplets stop flying... dark, cold... swallow it.)
its so morbid.
i love it.
***
lately i've been dropping into bed exhausted. no time for pre sleep reading, or even thinking. its just hi pillow, then immediate unconsciousness.
i guess it cant helped when i do 36 hours of sleep a week.
so it was weird when i had a dream last night. it was all so fuzzy. the situation and the story line... but what i saw was clear.
so weird. i dream in colour. do you?
***
release anticipation dread longing regret confusion.
alot of each. ^^
i guess confusion is probably the sum of it all.
***
work work
pain pain.
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