Friday, July 31, 2009

何維健- 我相信


** I believe in you


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Backstreet Boys-Straight Through My Heart(Full HQ)

very insomnia-ish.
this is a week of old school music. been listening to all the boybands (are they extinct yet?) - westlife!!!!
gosh i used to be a fan.
had an excellent, and i really mean Excellent, night of games. josie is actually a hidden talent.
level 1 do a gosu ilu block on the slope and fb rk. LMAOZ.
and merry go rounding like 3-4 rounds some plants with the skele. SCREAMING, may i add, NON STOP on skype the whole time. but die to storm bolt 2 mins after we killed the skele cos he gey kiang stay lane very long with red hp.
it was such a funny night...
LOL then we have ice's darkseer vacuuming things away from me like 3 -4 times as i camp sneakily and aim nicely to cup them with my wards. its like the wards and the vacuum come in at the same time. gg.
so my wards end up 5 miles away from them.
then when his ds wasnt around i nicely cup 2 together.
AND A CLOCKWERK oppo who is quite a hooker. lmao...
so farnee...
people bad mood play also play until good mood.
the power of josiefish tok kok teamwork.
share the joy man!!!

Monday, July 27, 2009

[ 27072009 4.50pm | eeeeeeeemo song. ]

old school emo ftw. *sound of heart shattering

Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you


oh, here's an interesting article about playing hard to get.
i got it off msn today...


current mood : happy!
the office aunty gave me a very gosu bun. its really large... almost as large as an exactmat, and its got this burnt coffee kinda crust, and its sprinkled with pumpkin seeds.
its got some apple strudel-ly filling too.
she gave me half... she thinks i'm too skinny... and that i should eat more, especially in the mornings, so she gives me food and lots of nagging.
iono about you... but i kinda feel uneasy when people are nice to me.
maybe i've been abused to the extent that i find it weird when people are vaguely nice
so anyway... it was supposed to be BREAKFAST but i just finished it. yes its 5pm.
and and and
my mother decided that she's had enough of seeing me use plastic bottles (i was using a nalgene)
so last night when i filled up my nalgene and put it on the table then went to bathe, i came back to find this... heavy duty red stainless steel bottle in its place for me to take to my room.
its large and clanky.
and on sunday, my parents actually let me take the car out to see my grandma myself from church and go home myself.
those who don't know ME and my PARENTS and how my DAD feels about the CAR, well, you'd think its nothing much.
BUT if know just 50% of everything... THEN you'd be going "WOW" right now...
BECAUSE its the first time they let me take the car MYSELF - other than picking them up from the airport / sending them to the airport / sending my dad to the mrt when my mum doesnt want to at 6am.
it might be because my dad has my aunt's car with him now to use... so he CAN afford to let me take his baobei.
iono why its so exciting... but its exciting anyway. maybe cos mood now = happy.
eeks i just pasted over what i wrote...
anyway... i was saying that i needa retune by body clock before i DIE some kinda horrible death.
i think working late for the last 2-3 weeks... like 3-4-5-am kind has kinda screwed up my body clock.
its SO TOUGH to retune !!!
enough of words.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

[ 260709 2.48am | blogger is ohhkayy! ]

yay... my normal new post screen is BACK.
which means i can add in a title.
had a decent training day. very... time effective... game after game, with no waiting at all.
and i decided to play a pub... with sf. when i got to a com i thot... aiya... just random... and i got sf.
meant to beeee~
you know how... alcoholics need alcohol... and smokers need ciggs... and drug addicts need drugs...
and how maomaoyu needs maomaochongs... (k out of point)
well teens need emo the same way.
at least, thats what i've come to BELIEVE of not just SOME, but MOST teens.
its a downward spiral falling into you.
people seem to like whats bad for them.

Friday, July 24, 2009

oh dear... blogger still looks abit... wrong. maybe its IE. but i don't have firefox here.
i needa write. again.

"That will do to explain my secret, as well as the other. I've no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven; and if the wicked man in there, had not brought Heathcliff so low I shouldn't have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I love him; and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire."

beautifully phrased.
so succinct.
makes me weep.

it was a meow meow day yesterday with sora. =)
actually he doesnt say anything much... he just looks for food and darts away when you reach out to him.
josie's excited humping (oops i mean jumping... h and j are too close together) on dawn's bed made it produce very audible, alarming creaks.

i have a settled heart.
perfection does exist, even though i'm as undeserving as any other mortal.

laliang day ftw tomorrow....!
devi cloud jos. anymore?

and... wb into my life. =)
surrendered to the link that can't be broken.
can i say i'll always be there for you?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

in the 6 years i've kept my blog.. i've only written about 570 entries.
which is actually, very few... perhaps 100 a year? which translates to 1 every 4 days or so?
blogger looks a little weird now... i think there's some bug. but oh well. i'll just write and see if it happens.
its been a night of bming. lol... everywhere i go there's bming. good thing i'm such a polite fish and in a wacky mood.
i do intend to have an angsty, angry, lc ppl upside down day. in a room where i'm not blue of course. which probably means i'm gonna be in my smurf.
there are some days... like today, that i wonder whether i should be taking Lamictal because the symptoms of bipolar disorder seem to fit me so very well.
actually, it seems to fit most of my life very well. and if it affects 1 in 45 people, then well... its quite common actually!
if moods could be passed on by osmosis or something... that would be cool.
sometimes i do wish that someone else could just touch me and read my mind... or read my mood. and feel exactly what i'm feeling.
where is this need to be understood coming from?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

[ 21072009 2.01am | empty ]

hime likes to not look at the camera. =)

i think we waiting chao ji long lo. so long that we started cam-whoring.
u can tell that jos is a ladies man.


plagued by empty conversations and imagined relations.
reality is subjective.

if you're going to hell, why drag me with you?

Monday, July 20, 2009

[ 20072009 6.10pm | songgg ]

and somehow... certain lyrics are grabbing me today, and infesting my mind.
the current line that's multiplying in my head is from this song by dream theatre...
Once the stone
You're crawling under
Is lifted off your shoulders
Once the cloud that's raining
Over your head disappears
The noise that you'll hear
Is the crashing down of hollow years

She's not the kind of girl
You hear about
She'll never want another
She'll never be without
She'll give you all the signs
She'll tell you everything
Then turn around and walk away

i never really remembered the following stanza... but now that i've taken a look at it... its nice.
it says so much in so few words.
the abruptness of the sentence structure only reinforces the last line.

i think
there are a few things which i need to fix.
starting with myself.
i'm quite screwed up as a person. (there's not even an "i think" here)
*now another set of lyrics just popped into my head... AND ANOTHER.
indecent obsession
vertical horizon.

/needs long solo walk.
or at least... a quiet walk.
side by side...
matching paces.
stealthy glances
and accidental touches.
ruffling out hair
into the breeze...
downcast eyes
folded hands
hiding behind the wall of black.
dunno wat i talking alr.

[ 20072009 12.21pm | . ]

against my better judgement. =)

[ 20072009 3.37am | presence. ]

and... its always there.
under whatever is happening, whatever i'm thinking... whatever i'm feeling.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

[ 19072009 5.21am | cant remember what time i started...]

i can't sit around, i can't let it win now.
just so you know...
左右每天思绪 每一次呼吸
心被占据 却苦无医
而你潇洒来去 玩爱情游戏
我一天天失去勇气 偏偏难了难忘记
单单为你心有独钟 因为爱过才知情多浓
浓得发痛在心中 痛全是感动
真正为你心有独钟 因为有你世界变不同
笑我太傻太懵懂 或爱得在太重
只能相信我自己 能永远对你心独钟


someone... PLEASE get this song out of my head before i GO NUTS.

it just SUDDENLY popped into my head and refuses to vanish.

get out get out!!!

*it reminds me of... o levels... and studying with denyse over at my place...

almost 10 years ago...


why do i write.
i write because i lack any other avenue to channel out all THIS.
i write, to fill a void.
i write... because i think better in wrtiting than speaking.
i write... because i can be obscure
and in my obscurity i manage to achieve my goals, which is to relieve... certain... pressures.
i write for the same reason why some people whine, and the reason why some people go for runs.
i need.
i really need.
why do i put it online? why do i not lock it?
because i believe its obscure enough for you to never know what i'm talking about. it might look so glaringly obvious... but actually... its no where near what you think.
and the reader... will never guess at the emotions going through the words.
and anyway... its really not like i'm some PERSONALITY or something. i'm just a... not so normal person - but a person who is just one of the many faces you see everyday.
i write... because i need. i really need. someone to listen.
someone. not anyone.
i realise that above all things, i require emotional support.
i can do... many things by physical and mental strength alone. but without emotional support... i'm as good as a castle on quicksand.
then again, i actually can't figure out if i'm weak or strong, or just... stubborn.
i'm very very sapped though.
steadily drained... for... years?
i just remembered this poem which i saw at anchorage; alaska.
it was on a box of... straws? in a cafe.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

if i may... take this out of context... it makes a very good line.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

its been an amazing night. once again.
amazing because
my mood swings are on a rollercoaster ride.
i've gone from suicidal to giggling like a... like a i have no idea what.
to being rather... depressed? emo?
very amused.
angry as well.
happy too.
and a whole lot of other things which i will not elaborate on.
oh... and really needing to bm someone. anyone who happens to cross my path.
someone... please cross my path so i can bm you.
i've no respect for you, i'm so 'sorry' but its not working.
i'm also rather determined to be THE better person.
selectively, of course.
you'll know it when i like you, and you'll know it when i can't stand you.
to those i have no opinion on, you'll only see what i wanna show you!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

the creepy subconscious.

and i can't explain why my heart just went totally
i didnt realise it... but it was the only thing left alive in me at that point in time.
it was beating... rather furiously... up to that point.
then... it just went silent.
and resumed a hollow... deliberate beat.
very hollow.
and very deliberate.
and very, very final.
like steps towards the gallows.
something that i didnt even know existed, died.
when i thought there was nothing left to kill, something more died.
-rip the rest bloody and senseless with my bare hands... cease to exist!-
i get the best inspiration when my conscious brain is dead tired.
i think it allows my subconscious to come to the fore and take control for a while.
(which makes me ask myself... WHAT scary stuff is in my subconscious...? )
it might be interesting to write a book with each page just a paragraph like the one on top.
small snippets which pack a punch.
i feel... marilyn manson-ish~
OH! OH! i just remembered another bit of inspiration which struck me a while back.
let me get it out before i forget.
pinched between fingers on two corners...
hardly an expanse of white
little furry fibres, all bound together into a neat square.
pulling slowly... each pair of fingers in a different direction...
sometimes jerkily..
the tissue tears with a delicious sound, giving way under the opposing directions...
the wound is surprisingly straight.
but the edges are... ragged...

=\ song from leyawn.

nothing feels right when im not with you,
sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos.
taking them off cause i feel a fool,
trying to dress up when im missing you.
ima step out of this lingerie,
curl up in a ball with something Hanes.
in bed i lay.
hey hey, nothing feels right when im not with you.
sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos.
taking them off cause i feel a fool, trying to dress up when im mising you.(cause i miss you)
ima step out of this lingerie, curl up in a ball with something Hanes.
in bed i lay,(i would be in bed)
with nothing but your T-shirt on.
said i got nothing but your T-shirt on.
(cause i want to be close to you),
with nothing but your T-shirt on.
i remember when,
you would like to see me,
with nothing but your T-shirt on.

[ 2.53am 16072009 | the week? ]

(interesting fact #1 about the author - she gets really chatty and crazy when she's tired out. the more tired, the more crazy she gets
interesting fact #2 - she likes to talk to herself, especially when she's sleepy.)
err... its thursday? wow?
thats amazing. the last i knew, it was sunday and i was rushing out some work from home.
then i had 24 full hours of migraine due to my overstressed teeth grinding exercise when i took a nap without my NTI (thats like... a retainer of sorts... )
and it was a *concuss* kinda nap.
then... i actually can't remember what happened on tuesday...
OH i went home and chionged 8 games of dota. that was good. even though i'm beyond nerdlike.
and now... well... now i'm trying to clear my head before i leave the office, go home stone and try to sleep.
i have to remember to take my cab receipts.
i think i've forgotten 2 or three already.
the good part is, i get to claim day offs after this hellish period is over.
ahhhhhhhh in the distant ... monthhhhhh i seeee....
i see nothing... cos my brain is too fried.
anyhow. i may sound rather articulate here, writing, but i could almost swear that if you walked up to me now, IRL and asked me any question, i'd stammer out my answer to you like a kid infront of a principal.
i did that to my boss... and someone else in the office today. they asked me a question and i stared blankly back at them, THEN proceeded to stammer something unintelligible, which left them frowning and wondering about my mental state.
this hasnt happened to me in years... not since JC when i was mugging 14 hr days.
gosh. the brain stress.
its feels... good though.
like... how you'd feel after sprinting 2.4km.
in pain, but... good.
i would call a cab... but i'm scared i forget the receipt... and i don't really know how to / am too lazy to.
okok... yak yak yak.
how interesting can i get.
i've gotten a song today from the best song provider ever - leyawn.
he not only gives me the songs i WANT, he insists i have a new song a day (wtf?), based totally on his recommendation.
its like so exciting. its like having a blind date every mealtime.
(ok... blinddates DON'T sound exciting, to me at least... i'll never know what pushes YOUR buttons... but you get the picture... meeting something/someone and totally not being able to expect/pre-empt anything.)
so... today's was good. =D
as it usually is.
you warned me that you were gonna leave
i never thought you would really go
i was blind
but baby now i see
i broke your heart
but now i know...
that i was being such a fool
and i didnt deserve you
i don't wanna fall asleep
cos i don't know if i'll get up
and i don't want to cause a scene
but i'm dying without your love
i'm beggin' to hear your voice
tell me you love me too
cos i'd rather just be alone
if i know that i can't have you...
just to spam a few more trivialities...
i have a theory on backstabbing.
its called backstabbing, if you cannot repeat what you said to the person you were talking about.
and also if its discussed with some sort of ill-feeling, malice... yeah.
of course i'm guilty of that.
but usually i'm thick skinned enough to repeat things in front of the person.
and people on the tagboard... you all made my day man...
*yeah yeah i know i sound kinda pathetic saying this.
maybe my brain has rewired itself... so that i find the most banal things amusing.
i guess it comes with staring at grey cubicle walls and monitors for ... 15 hours.
k bye.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

the disjointed don't even try to decipher what i'm thinking cos you'll definitely get it wrong post.

screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
its 2 am and i'm cursing your name.
you were so in love
that you acted insane
and thats the way i loved you.
taylor swift.
amazing young lady.

its been a while... a long while...
since i had 7 consecutive games. ahhh.
laliang @ ECP cloudia?
hope it rains.
with tea so sweet it'll hurt my throat.
luke warm please.


its amazing how much i can accept, and how much i can live with, that i never thought i could.
of course there are some lines that i still cannot bring myself to cross.
scarred for life?

but from well... perhaps... 2 cm... its 2 m.
and thats a BIG jump.
hope so.


it helps it helps it helps!!!
180 degrees please, and north from south.
pluck... pull... dig... claw it out.
it helps that i'm not angry.
cos anger tells me you mean something.
keep it keep it...
lock it, drown it, burn it.
fade... fade...



thank you* for being there... when there's no one else left for me...
when i'm in my darkest, most suicidal, and well... simply plain upset mood.
"it may take some time to patch me up inside"
there are... i guess... some memories i'd rather not have.
the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind~*

Monday, July 13, 2009

[ 13072009 2.37pm | fking 11ths ]

there's nothing i want more to do today than to have remembered its not the fking 11th of july.
it is the fking 13th of july.
but because, for some fking inexplicable fking reason, i get out of bed totally fking convinced its the 11th.
and ta dah... i renamed my file to the 11th july effecti-fk-ing-ly overwriting my work which i actually did do on the fking 11th which was friday... and not to-fking-day into a pile of fking blank sheets.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

[ 12072009 3.57am | forever and... never. ]

and he's the one who broke her heart, so totally, that no other pain she experienced after that ever had much effect anymore.
sure, she loved again.
but it was never the same...
never with the same innocence and purity.
she still looks at the ring he gave her.
in fact, she wears it round her neck on a chain.
she likes the feel of it against her skin, under her shirt.
the reminder of promises that had once upon a time.....
how a look from him had her blushing so...
when all sensation left her, save for her fingertips, when he held her hand...
his lashes, light and ticklish under her lips...
the shattering of sensations as darkness closed in around her when he turned and didnt look back.
what she won't ever know
is that he wears her ring too...
round his neck, on a chain
where he can feel it next to his heart.


under an inspiration-attack again.
or is it NOT?!
either way you're welcome to check my neck for a chain. just ask first please... i don't appreciate being molested without warning.
(even with warning, you're liable to be mauled...)


T2 was hilarious. i think i pissed the theatre off with laughing. i know jos was mega(tronly) embarrassed to be next to me. LOL!
its not my fault that everyone else is so slow they don't get the joke until after the scene is over~
peaceful night pleasee please pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee
*practically begs.

Friday, July 10, 2009

[ 10072009 10.30pm | 3/4 deadfish ]

VERY selected WCG 09 photos... i think my hair colour looks quite delicious. of course, as always, you're welcome to disagree.

Donald and i

xuesha, me, jaczie, michelle

but still refusing to sleep.
last night, or rather, morning, was a dreamless morning.
is this the start of my nocturnal peace...
currently have a few songs stuck in my head.
and some weird questions...
i am ... soda water-
an efferverscent drink
untamed energy
with a tangy flavour.
-goodness... don't ask me what recess those weird lines came out from-
its the i'm sleepy, i have many weird things going through my mind and i shall randomly jot them down mode.
a mode i seem to be in very frequently.
parents are back in the morning.
training tomorrow.
jos and eliz after.
ménage à trois
and the mornings are the worst.
partial consciousness and the momentary euphoria it brings,
freezes into a solid lump somewhere in my ribcage,
as reality desaturates my elation into a medley of greyscales...
and the weight sinks deeper...
and lower...
fastening my ankles to the ground
as they clank solidly into place.

[ 10072009 4.32am | tiredfishday* ]

been putting alot of hours into work recently...
i'm still at the office.
maybe i'm just inefficient. ^^
anyhow, i'm finding it rewarding, albeit tiring.
and i've still got tons of stuff to do.
i'm growing happier... steadilly happier... with myself, and my aims. and... my life.
and what i'm doing.
and i've realised... i can actually close an eye to many many things... actually... i can close alot of eyes. pity i only have 2 to close, my tolerance level is THAT high.
maybe that means i'm growing up! (or older, however you wish to see it, neither offends me)
what i DO miss however, is reading... a very good book.
and hanging out with friends.
(sat yeah josie! eliza??)
and maybe... just doing... nothing... but pondering... in a tranquil location... at night... where there's a body of water...
preferably... in the rain... with a jacket.
and a teh so sweet it'll hurt my throat to drink it.
ahh... simple pleasures of LIFE. time to fulfill them.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

[ 080709 12pm | asterisk*blog! ]

i think i've become a fan of Kate Voegele.
all hua's fault. this is the current song that i'm mass listening to
its called : Unfair.

The city sleeps
So silently
I wish I could say the same for me
But I've got this dead ended street
To keep searching
For a tunnel underneath the bitter truth
Or a bridge invisible I won't fall through

And I don't know how much I can keep
Letting you unravel me
'Cause the more you learn the more we share
We were worlds apart and you see
It was so much easier to be
'Cause now I know what we can't have and it's so unfair

I never meant
Most of those pretty words I said
But I wanted you to think I did
'Cause telling you all this makes no difference
It's useless
'Cause those who get to know our hearts the most
They always seem to be the ones we'll never hold

Can't you see it's destroying me?
I can't stand the closeness
But don't you dare go avoiding me
It kills me and yet it keeps me going


eh... my blog might sound scary and emo, but i'm actually feeling quite normal.
it just so happens that i'm currently partial to her more depressed sounding songs.
and other than currently having a splitting headache as a result of my own stupidity i couldnt be better!
this week is probably gonna do me in as i chiong material for upcoming meetings.
i think i'm gonna become closely acquainted with the after-hours office crowd, who/what ever it/they may be.


Eliza has taken up residence on our Asterisk* blog as our 6th and event photographer =).
and she's embarrassing us all with our most unglam pictures and darkest secrets.
so... i advise you to quickly take a look before i decide to remove her posts to prevent myself from possibly dying of shame.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

i had alot of dreams last night...
one that made me wake up sobbing... again
and another that left me waking initially happy, then empty.
and another that stressed me into consciousness.
had a good long rest though.
much needed.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

*collapses and starts blabbering nonsense out of sheer exhaustion.
TGX 09 - the year of upsets.
and... eliza + josie = lurrrrbeee

its so interesting... that gaming started it,
and gaming shall also be the end of it.

very many sleepy thoughts. i seem to see new connections that didnt seem to exist prior to the sleepy-state.
and i think...
its becoming... clear... to me.

it ain't right to just love me when you can
I wont wait patiently
or wake up everyday
just hoping that you'll still care


its the shot through your chest...
you literally feel your heart pause.
the sensation leaves you instantly cold
you feel the shot radiate up and down your back as it exits.
it leaves you devoid of feeling, and you hear a ringing in your ears...
emotional stress really makes your heart hurt physically.
it causes irregular heart rates, and your heart will retain water.
i presume its the water retention that causes the pain.


when you start blabbering nonsense cos you're sleepy, the best thing to do its just shut up.
unfortunately, thats easier said than done.
*ahhhhh im so tired.

Friday, July 03, 2009

NEW! Kate Voegele - Forever and Almost Always with lyrics/download

so the story goes on down
the less traveled road
Its a variation on
the one I was told
and although its not the same
its awful close, yeah

in an ordinary fairy tale land
theres a promise of a perfect happy end
and I imagine having just short of that
is better than nothing

so youll be mine
forever and almost always
and Ill be fine
just love me when you can
and Ill wait patiently
Ill wake up every day
just hoping that you still care

in the corner of my mind I know too well
oh that surely even I deserve the best
but instead of leaving
I just put the issue to bed
and outta my head

oh and just when I believe
youve changed for good
well you go and prove me wrong
just like I knew you would
when I run out of second chances
you give me that look
and youre off the hook

because youre mine
forever and almost always
and Im fine
just love me when you can
and Ill wait patiently
Ill wake up every day
just hoping that you still care

oh, what am I still doing here?
oh, its all becoming so clear

youll be mine
forever and almost always
it aint right to just love me when you can
I wont wait patiently
or wake up everyday
just hoping that youll still care

forever and almost always
no it aint right
to just love me when you can, baby
aint gonna wait patiently
I wont wake up everyday
just hoping that you still care

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Kate Voegele - You Can't Break A Broken Heart

no damage you can do now i’m immune to you now

learn the lesson, you dumb bitch.

i'm through with saving you from yourself.
i'm through with finding excuses for you.
i'm through with listening to your excuses.
i'm through with empty promises and proclaimations.
i'm through with backtracking continuously on my journey.
i'm through with being held by guilt.
i'm through with never... and i mean... NEVER getting satisfaction.
i'm through.
i'm just. so. tired through. that i'm dropping the reins.
and never picking them back up again.
the perfect Other, the perfect... curse.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

"It's kind of miserable. It was about seeing my ex-girlfriend on the Underground in London with her new man, who I didn't know existed. She and I caught eyes and lived a lifetime in that moment, but didn't do anything about it and haven't seen each other since."