Friday, December 19, 2008

CSS 2007 - Zijie's Last Song

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA i cant stop listening and watching to this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

[ 18122008 1.48am | manymixed ]

*post very frustrating game which makes me feel like plucking out all my hair...:


i scuttled out for lunch today, to popcorn at esplanade. been a REALLY REALLY long time since i went out for lunch. mass reports ftl.
anyhow, yj, nicole and i went there with one purpose... to see twilight stuff. lots of posters, and ugly postcards... the shirts are quite nice. but well, thats about it. magnets...
nothing that i REALLY want to get. maybe i'll feel differently after actually watching the movie.
SO. there was this one poster. of edward alone. i was considering getting it as a form of investment, cos the shopkeeper said it was selling like hot cakes. so i can keep it and sell it later on... maybe to my grandchildren's classmates. i dunno.
i don't plan to have kids anyway, so i cant end up with descendants.
then we checked out fan art tees.
there are quite a few i find hilariously cute.
one of them showed 2 stick people, the stick woman was yelling at the stick man "SPARKLE, you fool! SPARKLE!"
theres another one, playing on the roles that robert pattinson acted
"so, all avada kedavra did was turn you into a really hot vampire? well done voldy."
yet another
"for the love of God, BITE Me edward!"
damn gg.
i was loling throughout 600 fan art pics. most of which have been turned into underwear, cups, shirts, hoodies..... mousepads.........

so. i was thinking that maybe i think too much.
this isnt the first time i'm wishing i was dumber. less of an analyst.
i'm sure i could be quite content with what i have, what i am if i were just... dumber.
and i dont mean, inability to speak, although that might be really good for the multitudes around me.
but well. i cant stop my mind from wandering... and wandering... and taking all conceiveable paths...
i know i should not entertain some thoughts. but they somehow seep into my consciousness. ok, more than seep. they practically break the floodgates.
damn it.
either make me dumber, or give me insurmountable self control, before i kill a person, which, may be yours truly.


and my current twilight fan art quote.
"boys in books are just better"

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

[ 17122008 9.52am | longetermthought ]

first up, i wanna share Breaking Dawn's soundtrack. or rather, prossible soundtrack, "renesmee's song".
it beats bella's lullaby flat, imo. bella's lullaby had this really creepy note to it.
i have been hearing mixed reviews about twilight, but i think Robert Pattinson, being the face of one of the most perfect guys ever, is either very hated, or very fantasized about.
hated because he doesnt fit the mental pictures of many many readers, and fantasized about, because... because i dont know. i havent watched it yet.
but after watching mass you tube vids and trailers, i think his look grows on you.
wonder how his acting is though. i dont recall him in the harry potter movie. but then again, i've only recently become a fan on harry potter.


next up, i wanna share an epic moment...
not MY epic moment, but close to something that happened to me.
*looks at msjovial


and a great part of my mind is concentrated on how to appear as a hairy looking fish, and how to wiggle out of celebrations to go and appear as a hairy looking fish.

i'm currently in a phase of not wanting to go out. so i'm mass hibernating at home.
yesterday was one of those days where i went home straight, slept immediately, woke up at 2am and played til 5am before going back to sleep.
wake up in the morning feeling weird. but oh well. had a headache. so have to sleep.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Have you been desperately trying to buy ggshells and goldmember?

GST 5v5 Finals will be held at Networms this coming saturday! Prepaid cards, Shirts and other exciting items will be sold at networms! Refer to for more info!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

[ 02122008 1031pm | eternalllllyyyy ]

naked people pics on huahua's blog. gogo.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

[ 27112008 1.56pm | happiness ]

can you feel the lurrvee?

[ 27112008 10.00am

At the 15-minute mark, Ks had an advantage so huge that they were leading in both kills and economy. Suddenly, one member from former Zenith manually quit the game, and they wanted a reload. The last save was after the first blood, where former Zenith was at advantage. Eryc and myself was so angry about that; profesional gamers knew that what the load meant! Ks could actually play 4v5 if they wanted, but hyhy let them reload because of his former teammates. After the reload, every thing was so different.

(5 minutes ago) #14 spiddy
evo.xtc's player DCed, and xtc was leading in terms of kill 8-6. However, they lost one more tower than ks. get your facts right chinaboy

(4 minutes ago) #15 spiddy
also after the remake ks-yamateh got a double kill on evo.xtc and now they were leading in terms of kills so the reload wasn't all that bad for them

ok, first off, even though i was casting this game, i cant say that i remember what exactly happened.
but i do remember that TB just downed bottom 2nd lane tower of xtc, and evo's AP was pushing top 2nd scourge tower.
AP tp-ed back i think, and the dc happened.
reload was back to 4mins, right after first blood.
tb had farmed up quite abit by then, more than the ap, and after the reload, ap managed to farm up more cos they decided to let the tb solo more.

but well, thats the way it is, isnt it. if you dont reload you're yelled at for not having sportsmanship - so its not an option.
i'm sure ks themselves are the most familiar with how differently things can go after a reload.
they arguably won fnatic (or XcN) that way in thailand, finals.

so interesting... i like to see the after event backlash.
forum trolls ftw.

oh yeah, i believe "manual quit", ie alt qq, was incorrect too. haha. maybe its the translator!


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

WHAT CAN YOU DO?!!!!????

[ 26112008 2.42am | ooh ]

anonymous person 1 says
woah, that monk has a kid. he was saying something about his haizi.
anonymous person 2 replies *get ready for discourse and killer line*
ya, you can become a monk after you get married and have kids. but i dont understand why anyone would want to become a monk. you have to eat veggie and no meat all day long. then i dont get it, isnt eating plants bad, you kill them also what. even if u eat fruits that drop from the plants, you are denying some animal of food, so you're also killing that animal.
you drink water also bad, you are killing all the orgasms in the water.

the anonymous ppl shall remain unnamed.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

[ 20112008 12.34am | i will be disappearing til tues ]

"dao bitch"


i think i have a love hate relationship with work.
i like the feeling of doing work, but i hate that it takes up so much of my time.
and i hate that i have to compensate by sleeping less.


tonight's been relaxing. or, trying to relax.
time to sweep aside the worries and look forward to raping huayan.
and, i think ant and i were supposed to share a room.
"two single beds ok?" ftw.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

[ 13112008 9.37pm | wotlk ]


wrath of the lich king sitting on my alienware... about to be installedddddddddddddddd.... muaahahha


i have WOLTK!!! on the 13 NOV!!!


[ 13112008 5.45pm | BOOK 5 ]


AND THIS ONE IS ALL ON EDWARDS THOUGHTS. hahahahahahhahahhhhhhhhhhhhh
love me now babies.
currently unpublished. so its a draft.

movie is out on the 18 dec btw.

you might be interested in this too...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

[ 12112008 7.57pm | dream ]

No day, no night, no moment,
Can hold me back from trying.
I'll fly, I'll fall, I'll falter,
I'll find my day may be,
Far and away,
Far and away.

One day, one night, one moment,
With a dream to believe in.
One step, one fall, one falter,
Found a new earth across a wide ocean.
This way became my journey,
This day ends together,
Far and away.

This day ends together,
Far and away.
Far and away.

[ 12112008 4.21pm | busyyyyyyyyyfish* ]

my poooorrr unupdated bloggggggggg

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

[ 04112008 10.23am | AHH!!! ]

japprincess, chihuahua, fishie, sheepie

here's a pic of my lovely gerlssss taken by penny, the ehome manager, during wcg SG 2008.
during an interview we had with i dunno who. or was it the filming of some tv programme.
huayan look damn man.
the other pic taken is too kokz to be uploaded.

Friday, October 31, 2008

[ 31102008 1.51pm | lunchbreak ]

hua!!! dawn love us!!! =D
(i think.)

[ 31102008 1.43am | bleah. ]

thats a very uncommonly used word. by fish at least.


i'm full of happy feelings, and very angry feelings.
lets see how long i can be pulled in different directions before i snap.
LONG TIME LA. slowly wait.


huayan is very blonde.
LOL i was just thinking
"u all from what group? dance group ah?"
GG must be the yan bun.




its time for me to think of some screwed up statement to replace my current screwed up quote.
the current screwed up quote being "the perverse obsession with acquiring what isnt yours. i demur, that belongs to someone else. "

i shall go brush teeth and contemplate.
see if inspiration strikes me.
(k no inspiration)


aiyah. i dunno why la, u just mega rub me the wrong way.


what do you want me for?
i'm grumpy at things which bother me, which is alot of things,
maybe i care too much, or think too much.
i'm not particularly goodlooking, and i dont really care about how i look most of the time.
and even if i bother to look better it doesnt make much of a difference.
i'm hard to get along with, unless you're on the same wavelength as me, and thats rare.
i'm not nice, or sweet, by ANY standards.
i make unreasonable demands.
i can't cook well, and i hate housechores.
too headstrong, too self righteous and way too stubborn.
and not shy about it.
i shall carve out a cave in some mountain and hermit there.
anyone wanna move in with me? =D

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

[ 28102008 1.12am | grumpy. ]

dig this out.
dispose of it.


needs to kill something badly. any willing party out there?


today had its happy bits. =D
girls ftw.
hua - give me the pics pls.

frostmourne - bloodelf hunter - Anaitis
barthilus - nightelf priest - sophrosyneff
i dont really play my undead mage Odyne yet...
so yeah.
Anaitis is basically the persian goddess of nature, ie, she blesses all land, waters etc. since she's a hunter... i decided to get a bird like pet for her. so i got a dragon hawk, and named it ceyx. ceyx is this guy, who died, and was turned into a bird. HAHAH. i like. i named her thus because she has control over the animals, and her pets.
sophrosyne is the goddess/greek meaning of moral sanity and from there self control or moderation guided by true self-knowledge. the ff stands for furryfish. haha... cos sophrosyne the name was taken by some other player. fitting for a priest, imo.
Odyne, now, i like her. she's the goddess of pain. to hell with akasha. lol. love this name the best, cos it goes so well with my undead mage.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

[ 22102008 12.51am | ..... ]

i wonder if... it would be any different if "(s)he means nothing to you and you don't know why"


reasons why you should never play an MMO
1) you will never do anything else unless its server maintenance
2) your b/gf will get damn angry with you
3) you will lack sleep

reasons why you should play an MMO
1) it helps you save money cos you stay at home and eat cheap junk food
2) you will never have a bored moment - in the game, you're busy doing things, out of the game, you're busy thinking about the game
3) its a good way to ignore/forget your (ex)b/gf, if you WANT to of course.
4) to feel the anticipation as you wait for server maintenance to be over.


to dos:
1) get a freaking wand
2) buy some freaking mana pots
3) find the bloody auction house

Sunday, October 19, 2008

[ 19102008 9.15pm | a day in the life of a garena admin ]

the Background:

i come out of a game, and i'm greeted with a pm on ggc.
here is how it goes:-

[20:24:21]xxx Say:
banning is so fun?

[20:50:5]furryfish Say:
leave = ban
[20:50:25]xxx Say:
and u dont ask me why and ban.think ahority for u to play??
[20:51:22]xxx Say:
i have 50 in banlist..u want ban 1 by 1??

[20:51:38]furryfish Say:
u expect me to ask all the leavers why? if u want to leave then dont join games in room 3/4
[20:51:45]furryfish Say:
reasons can always be
[20:51:47]furryfish Say:
cooked up
[20:52:30]xxx Say:
u not suit to be one , think this is your house??swear to god u never leave game b4.
[20:53:7]furryfish Say:
i'm sorry, but whether i'm suited to be one or not is not for you to decide
[20:53:27]xxx Say:
i wonder how to get it,not from good ways (edit:k i dont understand this bit)
[20:54:31]furryfish Say:
anyway if i'm not wrong, i only banned u for 7 days from room 4
[20:54:36]furryfish Say:
unintentional leaving = 7 days
[20:54:55]xxx Say:
ya,its a easy thing to u
[20:55:19]furryfish Say:
well, if u have a good reason for leaving during countdown ure welcome to present your case
[20:55:56]xxx Say:
no nid to present,thats not a big deal to ban me,i can unban it also.

[20:56:8]furryfish Say:
but if you're just pming me to abuse me verbally, then sorry, i'm not interested in continuing the conversation
[20:57:11]xxx Say:
this is not called abuse,u are abusing your own athority,my mum off the power,how am i going to continue, ask yourself...end it
[20:57:28]xxx Say:
want earn respect? not like this

[20:58:17]furryfish Say:
you know u can speak to me nicely and request an unban, like i said, if u think u had a good reason. i dont need a moral lesson from anyone.
[20:59:4]furryfish Say:
if u would like me to unban you, please let me know directly. i'm sorry i dont stand for being scolded when im doing my job.
[20:59:49]xxx Say:
how am i speak to u nicely without entering your room and your account?
[20:59:52]xxx Say:
i am god??

[20:59:57]furryfish Say:
you managed =)
[21:0:11]xxx Say:
so.what u said is not supported

[21:0:38]furryfish Say:
[20:59:57]furryfish Say:
you managed =)
[21:0:46]xxx Say:
as u like

[21:1:16]furryfish Say:
^^ have a good day.


the Argument:
fyi, garena sg rooms 3 and 4 have a strict banning system.
unintentional leaving = 7 days
intentional leaving = 30 days
and there are other banning time frames for repeated offenders.
nick, aka aod-jehovah was the one who introduced me to these rules for the rooms, and i so far, have only banned those who left in my games, or leavers in games that other admins are in.
i do not think i'm unreasonable as an admin, i have unbanned a couple of people who came back with their reasons.
bottom line is, i'm not being paid to do this. i gain nothing from this, other than a sense of satisfaction that i'm cleaning out the leavers from the rooms, and making the community a better place to game.
i don't need anyone's respect, in fact, being an admin is a dirty job, and you're likely to get beaten up/sworn at/bm-ed more frequently then anyone else in the room.
i'd like to think, that the leaver situation in room 3 and 4 has improved dramatically. there are actually entire games that i can sit through, which are 5v5 to the end.
and that, makes me, and my fellow room 3 and 4-ers HAPPY.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

[ 15102008 12.26am | ROAR ]

i'm trying, trying real hard.
but every now and then, i fail... and give in...
to myself and my weaknesses.

steel yourself and replace the mask ^.^


saturday botanic gardens and dempsey~
SOrA!! *reaches out ready to grabbbb
unintentional alt caps.


some mega angry song playing at the moment, courtesy of leon~

you can tell me that there's nobody else,
but i feel it
you can tell me that you're home by yourself
but i see it
you can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
but i know
i know
your love is just a lie.
its nothing but a lie.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Working for google

THIS is a dream job.
(then again, i wonder how TRUE it all is, afterall, what you see isn't always what you get. I should know!)

Monday, October 13, 2008

[ 13102008 12.11am | wish-less ]

that i were...
more mature

especially dumber +++

Sunday, October 12, 2008

[ 12102008 5.02pm | .... ]

its only what you're waiting for........

go on and let it out.
and you'll be just fine, with all of your time =)
it was a mistake to think i could ever get by myself.
what you count on to keep you steady, also throws you into the greatest turmoil.


Friday, October 10, 2008

Lips of an Angel - Hinder

was looking though some old song lyrics that i found in my phone - snatches of melodies that i heard and resolved to identify.

this is one of them.

"Lips Of An Angel"

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

03 女兒紅 - Jay Chou 周杰倫 [NEW! Capricorn 魔杰座]

周杰伦 -女儿红















[08102008 9.40am | disoriented. -TBCed- ]

how selfish would you be in order to gain something, to have something your way.
at what expense. or, at WHO's expense.
and then, when you see the pain and unhappiness you're causing, what would you do.
i'm going to let go, so God help me.


its a struggle against my nature, and what i think i should do.
what i think i should do usually wins out, but my self control sucks... cos...
i give in very easily to jealousy and anger, although my mask is f l a w l e s s---
but, if you want to ruin me, that's all you need to make me feel.
fortunately, i don't usually bother with feelings of great depth unless you mean alot alot alot to me.
i mean, i'm definitely not a compassionate person, and i seldom empathize with other people, unless i have been through something similar, or, once again, you mean alot alot alot to me.
even so, i'm more likely to scold you until you "wake up your idea", rather than "mmm" and nod sympathetically.
unfortunately, that means i would rather be treated likewise - without the excessive fussing over me thing - and the people who care about me cannot reconcile this.


i need to stop convincing myself, and just live true to what i really think.
i can do anything on earth, as long as i can convince myself to. but most of the time its not something i really want to do, but i convince myself that it is anyway, and then, proceed to live out a nightmare.


hah... this song, which i keep replaying has a sound that sounds like the Garena PM message sound. so everytime i get to that part, i become confused and i click on my task bar to see who msged me.
*plays other songs... 周杰伦 -女儿红.... 失落非主流..
and this one has such a cute name 失恋的青蛙 - Lovelorn Frog
(WILLY FROG hahhaa... =x )
jay's NEW ALBUM out on 15th OCT!!! but most of the songs have leaked already.
its amazing how i always look forward to his new albums... goodness... its been... 5 years? or so? of looking forward to his annnual album release.


"ya, if you wanna know the truth, it IS MY fault. it sucks to be a sub, i only needed one experience to be sure of that. but life's not fair."
then again. there's no need to be so mean, because regardless, i win.


tbc-ing 5.04pm
i was about to compose something... but my spark of inspiration disappeared after i was called away from my desk to attend to something.
so now i'm left... with something to say, but not quite able to remember what it was...

i was given some work to do, and then, i just got surprised by my colleagues. LOL.
so now my mind is totally not on what i wanted to say...

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

[ 07102008 12.57pm | lingeringthoughts~ ]

爱 我却不能给妳我全部


jay chou - 失落非主流

时间过了 走了

怎么了 你累了 说好的幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了

你不懂了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了

怎么了 你累了
我懂了 不说了
爱淡了 梦远了

Monday, October 06, 2008

[ 06102008 10.09am | trepidation. ]

suffice it to say that i'm going to approach today with caution.


it's highly likely that i may MIA...
but i doubt i willy. --- HAHAHA willy!!!. i meant WILL.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

[ 04102008 1.56am | almoststepheniemeyer ]

where did this deep anger come from... when did this paralyzing anguish make its presence known. i'm a victim of my own devices. i'm paying for something i should never have purchased. Never.

yet, if i could live it all again, i would.
such is the paradox that i am.

my only comfort is my sanity. in reasoning and analysing do i wheedle myself out of this closed darkness that i've shut myself into.

i have all but succumbed.
this is something i have asked for, so i will deal with the consequences.
it takes all i've got to hold back from clawing your eyes out and breaking your nose.

someone said i've become more vocal here, online, in cyberspace. i concur... without you, my faithful online webspace, i'd be driven to a point of no return - you are my means of mental survival, and writing here, allows me to be... Almost... free.
to you, i can bare everything that i could never admit to anyone.

thank you. for being an (un)willing partner, when the emotions rumble like thunder overhead and threaten to storm around me... to fog out my carefully constructed facade of stability.

but i am surely, irrevocably altered. for this is... to say the least... debilitating.

so, please, proceed, my darling. its only whats left for you to continue acting out, before i shut this chapter away, and never revisit it.

maybe after i've removed your image from my heart...
i'll do it, even if it means getting a ****ing transplant.
cos you give me no reason to stay. or try. or... look back.

replace the mask.
not a hair out of place.
remove the weakness from my eyes.
yes. that especially.
hold my head high, and pull. pull with all my might, at the roots of-what-was that are strangling my heart.


Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown

Just don't ask me how I am

Friday, October 03, 2008

[ 03102008 5.39pm | vexed ]

and i'm not sure why exactly.
as usual, its a combination of things. MANY things, may i add.
but i believe the root of the problem is that i think too much.
its a good thing i adjust my emotions quickly, so shocks never really shock me for long. and anyway, because i think so much, i seldom really get shocked.


my mum was searching for garden snails yesterday, hammering the shell off them, and tenderizing the snail meat for Charcoal (char for short), when she sprained her ankle.
she's now on crutches. =_=
Char likes smashed snails.
and i think i know what it is, its a white breasted moorhen/waterhen.
heres a link, theres a small pic of the little black maomao things.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

[ 02102008 11.48 | verytiredandverynoob ]

比想像中更痛 你真的沒回頭

回憶不跟你走 都擠在我心中

謝謝你曾讓我難過 謝謝我沒有想太多

我眼淚都笑了 誰還想哭呢
再勇敢的站著 找回光和熱
面對你的時候 我不會捨不得
因為路有些曲折 是美的
我眼淚都笑了 誰還想哭呢
來不及完美的 就唱首驪歌
想起你的時候 我不是卑微的
因為我已愛過你 深深的

心碎成了沙漠 就快開鑿綠洲

你溫柔的雙手 本就不屬於我

[ 02102008 12.54am | blackchicklet... ]


my parents went to see the istana today, in their own words, "we've seen the palaces of other countries... but not our own country"

and... they brought this home.

apparently it was squeaking helplessly in the middle of a road, and my dad couldnt help but rescue it.

its so cute... and it loves me... maybe cos i was in all black, and i'm 毛毛黑黑可爱too.



Don't go wasting your emotion...
Lay all your love on me
Dont go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

[ 01102008 3.14am | =D ]

its a happy night...
i'm a happy fish.


these are evil books.
they speak of the impossible union... many impossible unions to be exact.
and despite the impossibility of the situation, how emotion doesnt say die, hence forcing a reaction into further emo situations.
in all, i wouldnt say they are examples of excellent writing, nor would i say they are exceptionally riveting.
they do not explore many issues (if any at all), so far, and i'm into the 3rd book, and the plot is drawn out and simplistic.
predictable perhaps.
what draws the reader, however, is how the situation, the emotions depicted, sync, pull, and draw out parallel feelings and memories.


i proposed today.
to a streetlamp.
i have the bruise on my left knee as testimony.
LOL. ok fine. honestly, its called - birkies are too slippery to walk through 2 cm deep puddle even though wearer was treading with extra care but good thing wearer is imbued with grace from higher being enabling her to fall looking like... poetry in motion.


perhaps i've changed my mind about MFM.



Monday, September 29, 2008

[ 29092008 11.41am | another. ]

one more interview ! this one on Granado Espada.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

[ 28092008 1.12am | sniff* ]

nose is stuck.
i'm damn unhappy. (with my nose)


i feel like i have a hangover. (its the weird sleeping hours, i say) and perhaps its not far off from the truth.
i'm hungover from life. from my past.


i'm in love. with a ficticious character. LOL.
read twilight. perhaps he's a little stereotyped... but well... so far he sounds good. HAHA.


i've reached the state of exhaustion... where, although you're damn tired, you just can't sleep.
perhaps my exhaustion is physical only... with my mind not letting me rest.
many screwed up thoughts have been going through my head... maybe cos i'm reading fantasy novels. GG


i have decided to do my copyrighted you you you post. huayan just copied me. ROAR.

YOU are a continued pain in my ass. if you continue to hurt my ass i'm going to BITE yours off.
i have some... really tender feelings for you. tender sounds so edible.
you are cool!!!! muahahahahaha...
you're kinda irritating now... growing to be perhaps. whats with the attitude?
i like you, and the you you have!! haha...
you are just tired out, and you know that you know it, but you're still pushing yourself? for? maybe you need to use some discernment and wisdom. as in USE, not just KNOW.
you. are not there. just. not. there.
starting to have a burning hate for something that you do.
you're not what i expected. am i happy?
you... make me sad. so do you.

k enough. i have alot more tho. but i want to continue my book. and i think i have fa xie enough already.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

SmallVille - Time After Time - Eva Cassidy

heart breaking.

[ 27092008 1.21pm | the morning after ]



(hey, u were supposed to remind me to tell you something. remind me again ok)


the problem with investing all your energy, time, and emotions on something (or someone), of pinning all your hopes, wishes and solutions on that same thing (or person),
is that, if it doesn't work out,
everything. and i mean EVERYTHING,
comes crashing down around you.
and then,
you can't function.

[ 27092008 3.48am | ~ ]

you're young. happy birthday.

and you'll be just fine,
with all of your time...
its only what you're waiting for....

he's everything you need
he's everything you want
he's everything inside of you that you wished you could be
he says all the right things
at exactly the right time

but he means nothing to you, and you don't know why.


it may take some time to patch me up inside

and i can't take it so i'll run away and hide.
i may find in time that you were always right
you're always right...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

[ 26092008 12.03sm | muirn beatha dan ]

"she looks sweet... she's pretty."
a hot jealousy started to burn in my chest.

"you don't look sweet. you look serious. Deep. Like you're thinking. And you're more striking than pretty. You're the kind of girl that you don't notice is beautiful until you get real close.....
And then all of a sudden it hits you, and you think, Goddess, make her mine."


i was in the middle of thinking when bubly reminded me about my watch. and i realised... i can'f find my watch anymore. i have no idea where it went. its a tag heuer... and my sis got it for me on my 21st birthday. if the construction workers stole it... i'm gonna be damn pissed off.
then again, i'm really careless... so it might be anywhere...
*currently in the process of screaming something along the lines of knnbccbdllm


*goes off to bathe and cool down...

(yes cloudia... where were you when i needed you...)
[edit... seems like i'm mass editing recently... and adding on]

i found a cool book... haha its entitled how to take of a DD cup bra without blushing or something weird like that. and the author has a letter fetish. he aims to write books which omit one letter of the alphabet throughout the book. in this book, he omits the letter E. entirely.
the theory of it is interesting... but, i wonder how coherent and arresting it could be when your vocab is limited thus. and when so much thought and planning has to go into choice of words, as opposed to.. making it flow?

anyhow, on huahua's recommendation i picked up 3 books. buy 3 get 1 free. whee. and i bought another book, a follow on to a series i unfortunately started.
and... i paid $3.45 for all 4 books.


back but not very cooled down... *steams gently
but i figure, if it will turn up, it will turn up. if someone took it, then... okay. i'm sure he/she needs it more than i do. just... damn... why take my birthday present.


its the season to withdraw into myself, before i change my shell for a roomier one, the way a hermit crab does.
btw, PS sells hermit crabs... live ones. to keep as pets. i think weewee was like... wats the point of having something you never get to really SEE.
i've been thinking and doing some comparisons.
and i think. character really does matter so much. you could be average, but have a really interesting personality, and people will love you.
on the other hand, you could be average, but have THAT kinda look, the big eyed doe-y perma-expression, and importantly, be the damsel in distress. you could practise qing kong, but still be damn sought after.
in the end, it your choice. just don't force me/us to think the same way~
sorry to those who don't get the inside joke.


i seem to be talking alot to my blog... and alot of stuff thats getting really personal. its not something i do often... maybe its just a phase in my life.
i am so certain that throngs of people (if i may presume that i have high traffic) out there are are starting to guess all kinds of things and be exceedingly confused. or worse, start to assume certain things.
HAHA! i'm curious about what people think, and perhaps i think too much about what people think.
oh, and i have a "surprising fact" about myself to share (oops, i think i missed out on replying someone's blog chain... you know, those things where you aim people to reply a bunch of questions, and get those people to aim more people...)
and that is... when i'm tired, like shacked kinda tired, i start laughing at my own thoughts, and i ramble off on different trains of thought, all of which will be misunderstood / not understood by people who listen.
some of whom get frustrated and then proceed to leave me alone.
(ok... own up, who felt my acute... bitterness here.)
and others whom try to... talk sense into me and calm me down.
(now who sensed my irritation here. the worst thing you can tell a crazy person to do, is to not be crazy. especially when that person needs to be crazy to... release.)


and, omgosh, everyone, please go check this out. i loled my ass off.


"the perverse obsession with acquiring what isnt yours. i demur, that belongs to someone else. "
-- i need to, am inspired to come up with more screwed up quotes like this one.

[ 25082009 12.41pm | i admit. ]

simply put...
i guess i'm sad.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

[ 25092008 1.22am | attackoftheinsanefish ]

ARGH i need something ALIVE next to me NOW that i can HOLD and TALK to. [edit] AND that will LISTEN.
[edit2] something that i can BITE and CLAW at.



You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special


i believe.
i am sane. more or less.
or at least not SO insane.
thanks to huahua and weewee. and naanaa.
*refrains from tearing around the room ripping out my hair.

-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* ???? says (1:15 AM):
your pi gu!
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:15 AM):
my pigu where got so cute
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* ???? says (1:16 AM):
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* ???? says (1:16 AM):
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:18 AM):
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:18 AM):
omgosh u think my pigu is cute
Razerfurryfish*PMS is officially feeling -suiCidaL- says (1:18 AM):


FARK!!!!!!!! i'm NOT OK!

[ 24092008 10.18pm | to death. ]

willy. the king of emo.

I look in the mirror, with you in my arms
And I see a reflection
Of a smile that says you believe in love
And just for a moment, I drifted away
But I couldn't stay cuz
A hint of love, a bit of fear
I'm tryin' to say

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz my heart has given up

I'm tryin' to protect you
From the lies that your heart tells
Even though it says that you love me
All I see is pain and misery
Seasons may change
But I can't forget the days of old
My heart ached when you walked away
I said I'd never love again

The days go by
And I feel that you could make me happy
Time goes on
And I feel that love is at my door
And though I tell myself that you're the one
Who said those words before
Thought it hurts too much
I can't trust in love

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz my heart has given up

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
My heart has given up
Can't be here

[ 24092008 12.49am | ...the hypothetical emo post... or is it. ]

i feel like i'm so far from where you are. i feel like nothing i can so will close this gap.
i don't care that you're "not good enough for me", in fact, comparing us, family,
education, etc have always been more of an analysis, not so much of a judgement. the gap isnt closed for reasons other than those that what we were born with. in many ways, you actually do make up for it...
i feel like nothing i can do is right... no matter how rational i try to be, i'm always wrong.
what you try to do is always what you think is good for me. but what if its not what i think is good for me? am i supposed to swallow it and think, hey ok, i shall just appreciate the thought, but live in unhappiness with the effects?
i wish i could be more, ever so more to you than i am right now. can't you see that i'm laid open bare to you. scoop out my beating heart and take it if you wish.
i've always known, somewhere deep inside, that its not always enough to be willing, but without anything tangible to show for it. its a touching picture you paint though... and i know the sincerity. and no, its not meant to be cold comfort.
i feel like always at the receiving end of your wrath... you're fine with everyone. but me.
i tend to hold those i care for to higher standards. very much higher standards. prove it to me or crash and burn. there's such a thin line between love and hate.
the things you say cut me deeper than anything ever has... your words defied the saying that only sticks and stones can break your bones.
i've been on the receiving end, and there are things i've learnt. the reason why it hurts so bad, is cos i... my... heart... is attached to you. or vice versa.
i... can never figure out what you're saying... i sometimes wish you could just tell me straight, just open up to me... just... let me in. dont shut me out anymore...
this time... this is to you.
oh. i just can't.
i can't.
if i didnt bother so insanely much.
if i didn't feel so acutely, with every atom in me.
if i didnt.


don't ask. you wont get any answer from me.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

[ 23092008 6.03pm | KS interview!!! lol!! ]

GOGO watch their TV interview done last night.

start from 4.45


28th Sept 08 Sunday
16 Teams ONLY (single elimination)
Venue: Parklane B1, Evolution (beside Mac)

S$60 Registration includes
-30 hours free LAN (per team)

*The first 16 teams to submit COMPLETE team details to AND make payment of $60 per team will be awarded the slots.
*Payment deadline for the 16 teams is on FRIDAY 8pm. Teams which fail to pay by then will have to give up their slot to teams on the waiting list (if there are any)
*Title your email in this format: "EVO COMPIE - [YOUR TEAM NAME]"
*In your email, indicate the full name, gaming tag, i/c and contact number of each member (up to 6).
*Incomplete registrations will be ignored.
*Roster adjustments can be made only up til 24 hours before the commencement of the tournament to ensure fairness. (ie saturday 10am)
*Registration will close on Friday 26 September 2008 at 1000AM

After registering online, you will be given a confirmation ID. Use this confirmation ID to make payment:
1. Online – POSB funds transfer (further details will be included upon confirmation)
2. Manually – evo counter (please bring your i/c for verification)
*Payment deadline for the 16 teams is on FRIDAY 8pm. Teams which fail to pay by then will have to give up their slot to teams on the waiting list (if there are any)

Tournament Details
*Teams should not be previously seeded (top 8), or winners of recognized DotA tournaments in the past twelve (12) months.
*Team members from seeded (top 8) or winning teams in the past twelve (12) months are NOT allowed to take part. in addition, top 3 teams from the previous evo tourneys are not allowed to take part either.
*If you are in doubt regarding whether your member is classified as amateur or not, please check with us via email.
*Map version: latest stable version on
*Rules: WCG Singapore 2008

Terms and conditions are subject to change without prior notice by the evo management. refer to this link for the forum thread!

Monday, September 22, 2008

[ 22092008 11.33pm | fishyfish* ]

i've yet to meet my match. you're close, but no cigar.
for a while, i thought you might be, but well.


carefully released information can somehow be worse than telling all.



Friday, September 19, 2008

[ 23092008 5.34pm | KS interview!! lol! ]

GOGO watch their TV interview done last night.

start from 4.45

[ 19092008 2.49pm | sweet* ]

i found a sweet chinese song... lol... one of the rare ones which are't emo/depressed
this is what happens when u take taxi in the morning.
you are forced to listen to the uncle's radio...







i dont know about you, but i enjoy reading msn today. the little square window that pops up when you login to msn.

Can Men and Women be friends?
i have quite a bit to say about this. but i believe i've said it before, on this very same website. so i won't bore everyone and myself with a lengthy repetition.
to cut the story short, its not possible, unless/until
1) the like factor has been dealt with (ie, you're through liking the other person and thinking that something might happen. and this is probably inevitable with every guy.)
2) the guy is totally gross. in which case you wouldnt want him to be a friend either.

and i've always stood by this - your ex can never be your friend. (refer to the last line in the article)

He Wants You Back

this is just funny and cute. and dumb.

hope this encourages you all to take a look at your msn today window the next time!!!
(no i dont earn anything or benefit from promoting this...)


this is like some kind of RETRIBUTION!!! lolol....... in a damn weird way.


[ 19092008 1.58am | 火 ]



to prevent myself from saying something in the public domain that i might live to regret, i will just choose not to mention anything.
esp since i'll prob get a few more ...... (trails off... and bites tongue. ^^ )


today was fun. in general.
i love my department... sales ftw. love the people.
and evo was soooo fun. LOL... i cant rem enjoying a game so much... in such a fking long time.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

[ 17092008 3.33pm | nicenumber. ]

theres no reason why my blood should boil. but then, just the thought of your injustice and greed just gets me somewhere.
however, i see as you more of a challenge. a problem waiting for me to solve. and in that way, its fun.
its all about how you get yourself out of things, and into the things you want to get into.

its fun.
i await the excitement that all the challenges will bring me.
perhaps i'm beginning to understand why some people get a kick out of dissecting situations and changing them.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

[ 09092008 12.49am | confused. ]

i don't know. i thought one thing, but then i think another.
you're much of an enigma to me.
yet something i'd like to uncover, and at the same time run away from, much like how you squirm and your skin crawls at the sight of a poisonous jewel green snake, yet are fascinated by its shade and texture.
(i suddenly have a vision of HongKong triad initiations, movie style - a dusty warehouse, orange light bulbs... running a blade down the length of a wriggling cobra, letting the dark blood drip into a cup... the life fades from the snake... the wildly thrashing tail and red droplets stop flying... dark, cold... swallow it.)
its so morbid.
i love it.


lately i've been dropping into bed exhausted. no time for pre sleep reading, or even thinking. its just hi pillow, then immediate unconsciousness.
i guess it cant helped when i do 36 hours of sleep a week.
so it was weird when i had a dream last night. it was all so fuzzy. the situation and the story line... but what i saw was clear.
so weird. i dream in colour. do you?


release anticipation dread longing regret confusion.
alot of each. ^^
i guess confusion is probably the sum of it all.


work work
pain pain.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

[ 07092008 4.24am | arghhhhhh ]

how come i'm up at this time when my parents are around.
how come they havent woken up and started yelling at me yet.
maybe cos they're just back from the 6-8 hr drive from Msia and they're dead tired.

anyway. its good to still feel free and easy.

everything is quiet on the front, currently. everything in every aspect of my life.
which doesnt mean that a sudden eruption won't appear, as it inevitably does.
but at least i'm feeling more... stable... and at peace.
of course there are still the upsides and downsides and the random WTF!%^%$& moments... once again, in every aspect of my life.

what stops you from pursuing your dreams, your wish list... something that might be your raison detre...
if you think about it, you will realise that what makes things so difficult, is yourself, and how you think.

i'm incapable of meeting halfway. its either there, or not there.
let go.

you!!! are a FREAK!!! HELP!!!
ok maybe not really a freak...
but you freak me out!!!!!!
maybe i just need to get used to this.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

[ 04092008 11.38am | return of the basketcase ]

sam wasn't feeling well yesterday. so i went with her to tampines mall for foot reflex + back massage.
she's a regular there, her appointment card is gosu full.
i'm a noob, first time going for this.
the guys are really strong and thorough, my feet still feel kinda sore from yesterday. add in well moisturized, cos they use nivea on you. lots of it.
it was quite an experience, and i think i prob have alot of problems cos it hurts in many places.
oh well~
i'm inclined to blame the massage for making me sleep so soundly last night, that i was late for work. GG.


life is busy busy busy. i need more days in a week, more hours in a day, more minutes in an hour.
more braincells in my brain, and better multi tasking ability! more hands! more arms!


was talking to muji. sometimes i think i'm in the wrong geographical location. i should be somewhere where moving out when you hit 18 is norm. i need to be alone, settle myself, and just... lead my own life.
its not like i'm not -allowed- to. its just, that... i can't. the financial burden would kill me.
if i worked somewhere where i get 50 per hour... (ie. australia) man... all this wouldnt be a problem. sadly, i do not think i would like to stay in aus.
plus, i'm pretty much dependant on the tropical equatorial climate. i dont think i can function anywhere else.


troubled mind + lack of sleep = crazyfish.
crazy. not cray.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

[ 02022008 12.12am | about to kill someone ]

my greatest enemy is my own self.
stop your second guessing. stop playing devils advocate.
stop stop stop.

clear your mind of all this.
one day you're gonna go mad and you won't even realise it.
cos you're more or less mad already.
yay. i like talking to myself about myself. lol.

basketcase in the making.


you know it. you do.
you dont even have to think very hard, or dig very deep.
its obvious. its there.
just admit it.

Friday, August 29, 2008

[ 29082008 12.36am | post-ESWC san jose ]

heres the pic from rinoa! zenith + ks
back left to right : zr, hy, musica, ppx, xiaoma, dkmage
front left to right : tofu, xiaogui, rinoa, ymt, sakura

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

[ 27082008 9.52AM | ASIA PAWNS! ]

WATCH MATCHES LIVE! go download the client!!


finals DOTA ESWC 12pm sanjose time. WEDNESDAY.
Ks vs Zenith!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ 27082008 1.24am | a question ]

MYM Fear! ^^
We arrived at our hotel in the afternoon most of the team crashed and went to sleep. Shortly after our nap we woke up to go get our ID badges for the event so we could enter the next day. Later on that day the team reunited with one of the many teams that were attending ESWC, PMS. Levent and H4nn1- both went with PMS to go see the Eiffel tower while Maelk, Mania-, Pusher and I went to just get some food and crash back at our hotel for the night to make sure we were well rested for tomorrow when we would be playing our first matches.
First day of ESWC we played +46, SRS, Reborn and EG and only lost to EG. After day one we were a little disappointed but we still qualified from our group for the finals, only side effect was having to play SK first in the finals. Later on that night, h4nn1- LevenT and I went out to a restaurant in Paris with the girls from PMS, where I had some duck that looked like cat food, but surprisingly still tasted pretty good. And I, some pasta and a chocolate bar looking thing, overall it was a fun night (shout out to: w4nderz, Korini, furryfish and Aeris!).

back to my question:
i was washing my dishes when a thought came to my mind. which i wanted to share with dawn, but she disappeared when i came back, so... i decided to write it down before i forgot.
to what extent do you trust your so called "sixth sense".
and that got me thinking about, what a sixth sense is.
theoretically, a sixth sense is an... intuition. something not connected to any of the other 5 senses. its an inexplicable... feeling? thought? something that is irrational?

most "sixth-sense" feelings however, i believe are bullshit. they are probably the offshoots of thoughts and suspicions, based on facts, and things that really happened. just that you dont know which and how exactly it caused you to come to that conclusion. or MAY not know how you came to feel so strongly about whatever it is.

its almost september. before you know it, i'll be 24, and it will be 2009. life is so fulll. so very very fullll. ^^

"it is mine to give to whom i will..."

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

[ 26082008 11.57am | eswc ]

SRS 1 0 S3X
SK 0 1 SRS
S3X 1 0 NAFU
SK 1 0 S3X

5 NAFU 3
5 S3X 3