[ 24092008 12.49am | ...the hypothetical emo post... or is it. ]

i feel like i'm so far from where you are. i feel like nothing i can so will close this gap.
i don't care that you're "not good enough for me", in fact, comparing us, family,
education, etc have always been more of an analysis, not so much of a judgement. the gap isnt closed for reasons other than those that what we were born with. in many ways, you actually do make up for it...
i feel like nothing i can do is right... no matter how rational i try to be, i'm always wrong.
what you try to do is always what you think is good for me. but what if its not what i think is good for me? am i supposed to swallow it and think, hey ok, i shall just appreciate the thought, but live in unhappiness with the effects?
i wish i could be more, ever so more to you than i am right now. can't you see that i'm laid open bare to you. scoop out my beating heart and take it if you wish.
i've always known, somewhere deep inside, that its not always enough to be willing, but without anything tangible to show for it. its a touching picture you paint though... and i know the sincerity. and no, its not meant to be cold comfort.
i feel like always at the receiving end of your wrath... you're fine with everyone. but me.
i tend to hold those i care for to higher standards. very much higher standards. prove it to me or crash and burn. there's such a thin line between love and hate.
the things you say cut me deeper than anything ever has... your words defied the saying that only sticks and stones can break your bones.
i've been on the receiving end, and there are things i've learnt. the reason why it hurts so bad, is cos i... my... heart... is attached to you. or vice versa.
i... can never figure out what you're saying... i sometimes wish you could just tell me straight, just open up to me... just... let me in. dont shut me out anymore...
this time... this is to you.
oh. i just can't.
i can't.
*breaksdown
if i didnt bother so insanely much.
if i didn't feel so acutely, with every atom in me.
if i didnt.
if.

***

don't ask. you wont get any answer from me.
^^*