Saturday, August 29, 2009

blogger just ate my post.

Monday, August 24, 2009

[ 24082009 1.57am | eeeeweeeeweeeeee ]

been pking alot with a new group of people. LOL its actually quite fun + skype.
and i actually feel a bit more useful, in that i used to not need to even concentrate at all in game, and we'd still win effortlessly, but now what i do actually matters, because the average standard is abit lower. lol...
not that i'm insulting ANY of you. its fun.
esp the kok talking on sky.

happyfishmood persists through the weekend, strangely.
good aura's ftw.
but i'm starving now. gg

something that came to my mind a while back, but i didnt post.
i'm totally oblivious, its like the gold 90 FM advert where you only hear the good stuff.
everything else patters off me like water bouncing off a duck's feathered back.
maybe without the sound effects.
if you have no idea how water bounces off a duck's back... go find a duck to spray.
alternatively you can turn a hose on an umbrella.
(i was grinning when i was thinking of this line... i like it even the more when its in black and white!)


shacked happy fish.
needs food.
happy birthdae yuannnn!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


an exerpt from Crazy Sunday - fitzgerald.

"But you're not going," Stella begged him. "You're going to stay, aren't you?"

"No," he answered. "But I'll be back, if you need me."

Standing on the steps of the house which now hummed and palpitated with the life that flutters around death like protective leaves, he began to sob a little in his throat.

"Everything he touched he did something magical to," he thought. "He even brought that little gamin alive and made her a sort of masterpiece."

And then:

"What a hell of a hole he leaves in this damn wilderness--already!"

And then with a certain bitterness, "Oh, yes, I'll be back--I'll be back!"

the idea of loving an imperfect thing, perfectly, until it becomes perfect.
in the entire book of short stories (the one with benjamin button) this is the line which stuck.
the 3rd last sentence of the last short story in the entire book. and i read it months ago.

"if i shower this frog with enough attention and care, maybe it'll turn into a prince"

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"We both just wanted to have a good life and healthy kids. Do I wish we had long, soulful talks? Sure. If I had known then that I needed that, I may have chosen a different kind of person, but I also knew he was a very good man."

My parents didn't demand from each other what we seem to demand today from our relationships. My dad loved sports but didn't insist she be on the golf course handing him his driver. Instead, he taught my sister and brother to play. My mom didn't complain about his lack of conversation; she found other outlets. She had us kids, her friends, and her extended family.

My parents knew it was all right if not every single one of their needs were being met by the other, because commitment to the life they shared and created was a bigger reward than anything else. So what if my dad wasn't clued in on the latest gossip? Or that my mom was perfectly okay never learning to ride a bike or swim?"


an article off msn today.
i can't remember the website i copied this and pasted it here before running off from work.
i find this admirable. in a way. the "stick with it no matter what"
this is the "correct" view of marriage then ? not having to share anything but a common goal? because your other half... actually.. ISNT your other half to complement you.. just someone who can WORK and FUNCTION with you.
mildly depressing, if you ask me.

[edits heres the link ]

[ 18082009 2.50am | hmm* ]

sometimes... i wonder.
what do you want, and what do i want.
do you even know what you want.
is what we want worth it.
going round in circles is not a journey.
its a hurricane. very unpleasant... very unstable.

*insert silly fishgrin
but somehow i keep starving these few days. -.-
i think cos i've finally gotten enough rest, so my body has energy to digest things.
perfect. my life is almost perfect. almost, cos i always believe things can get better than they are. and of course, things can always get worse than they are.
this period of peace is close to uncharted. no fires to fight, no bitchiness to contend with, no politics... no arguments... no petty whatevers.
at least, none that involve me.
or to be a little more pessimistic, none that i know of.
last... a... long... time... please?


insert another sillyfishgrin here.
gnite world~
if only i could dish out some positive emotions to you all too!
i've got lots to share.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

[ 16082009 8.19pm | <3 song ]

please don't say "i love you"
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble...
don't think you realise the effect you have over me.
and please don't look at me like that
it just makes me want to make you near me
and when you look in my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
its nothing that i understand
but when in your arms you have complete power over me...

[ 16082009 6.52pm | exposeddd ]

i think my photo taking skills very gosu.
see josie's face ^o^
i'm apparently re-discovering jewel. i love how her voice can sound SO different.
her lyrics are heart wrenching... and she delivers them flawlessly. she's great live!
you can really feel her honest emotion through her singing... i think that's what won over most people.

current mood : ^^


and i may seem to be writing less... but... actually i'm just publishing less.
i think it prudent to not expose everything i think and feel.
and... its... 2 am againnnnn

Jewel - I'm Sensitive (Live 2006)

Jewel - Foolish games

Saturday, August 08, 2009

[ 4.40am 08082009 | you still have... all of me. ]

i'm actually surprised at the amount of sleep that i can deal with. or rather... the amount of sleep that i can DO WITHOUT.
i'm not exactly feeling very inspired... which is the WORST time for me to write.
currently listening to : my immortal - evanescence

i've been struck with a sudden urge to look at an expanse of large blue ocean... to feel the rocking of a boat as the waves strike it.
the heat of the sun... cooking my hair...
once again, i miss the sensation of rough ropes pulling against my grip..
getting cleated in the most painful places ever...
getting whacked so hard by the boom that you can fly off into the water...
memories and sensations so acute they'll stay with me for a lifetime.


i think that most problems are self-created...


and there are alot of bad habits i need to get rid of...
sleeping with wet hair...
being overtense
and...thinking too much.
(' ',)

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

[ 04082009 3.50am | eek. ]

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

i've been listening to lea salonga's version. and her voice is just excellent.
i'm transported back to memories of watching les miserables in london with my family.
even though i was young... this particular musical spoke to me. somehow.
and til today it remains my favourite musical. =D

its the fourth of august and there's some decisions i have to make.


inexplicable panic attack.


mega screwed up dream. @@ suicidal eggs wtf?!

Saturday, August 01, 2009

[ 01082009 5.18am | hmm ]

things i have to do :
pack for sunday
clean room
be less BM
be more polite
remind myself that i have this list


God....I wish that I could be one of those cruel, heartless, self-absorbed people that maintains relationships at the surface...never exposing too much of themselves for fear of revealing or exposing delicate nerves.

I wear my emotions on my proverbial's a shirt that I would never take off...let alone dare to launder. It's weathered, wrinkled, dirty, clean in some spots, and soiled with my blood...sweat...and tears. However, these days it's mostly saturated with my tears....and I wouldn't have it any other way. It feels good to feel...even though it hurts so damn much sometimes!


mood = satisfied.
aim = hit level 29 by end aug


expect the unexpected.