Thursday, August 30, 2007

[ 30082007 3.08pm thoughts. ]

throw in the towel babe. your time's up.

the past few weeks have not been perfect for me. ok, scrap that. the past few weeks, days, have been hell. the emotions that i have gone through are killing me and i just want to go scream at the sea. there's really only so much a human can take, i think i'm about to experience spontaneous combustion first hand.
i'd like to say that i'm living a victorious life in Christ, but how much of my spirtual life is going right? every single cell of mine protests to His ways. its easy to say deny yourself and take up the cross and follow Him, to do it is something else.
trying to remain thankful and appreciative in my lowest most unhappy times is like eating ice cream when its snowing and you have no clothes on.

you of little faith.

my physical wellbeing is just... down the drain. i'm feeling tired all the time, grumpy, squeezed from all directions. headachey.

when everything seems to be going wrong. how do you dig yourself out and carry on.

give it up.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

[ 14082007 3.02pm uninspired. ]

the days following WCG have been dull and bland. nothing interesting has happened, save for an outing to astons + lan at GG on saturday. met up with some old faces (with no hair cos of ns) and had a pretty good time. met dawnsheep, dean and bryan + 2 other GE faction mates on the way there.

life follows a strict routine of waking up late and rushing around the house avoiding my mum's health food and cabbing to work to avoid opening TOO late. relaxin runs through my body and keeps me paralyzed in bed, especially in the mornings. even though i'm blessed with working hours that start late, its still a chore to drag myself out of sleepyland.

i spend my day in the new world of Granado Espada while multitasking and serving customers ice cream. my forays in the strange land are halted when i leave for dinner and a few dota games, at his house, lan or at home.

over the past few months, i've found its always a challenge in interpersonal relationships to keep on track, and channel energy to the correct paths.
at the same time, sometimes i'd like to just give in to my raw emotions and quit masking them beneath neutral politically correct words.
imagine me thrown a cup of bitter chocolate icecream in an irritating customer's face. haha.

buy lime tomorrow. this gal who plays DOA eunyce, cynthia aka wanderz and i will be in it. i think.

below is dawns post from the genesisfaction blog.

Thursday, 2 August, Singapore.
Two GEnesis faction girls, furryfish and Shadowstriker (a.k.a. pinksheep) were involved in WCG 2007, DotA. One of our teammates put up this photo of us during the Today interview on the Asterisk* blog, so I decided to pull it in here. Left to right: Cass (cass*), Maria (astatine*), Dawn (d4wn*), Tammy (furryfish*), Dawn (pinksheep*), Shan (flawed*). And we're also very proud to have our team jacket which features the logo (above). =D

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

[ 01082007 1.44am traumatic. ]

other than seeing myself on tv in my most major role to date, i watched a cat get knocked down by a car.
that adds up to a pretty traumatic night.

the cat.
was bouncing around playfully under a tree, white paws and grey stripes.
white whiskers, nice shiny coat.
hopped onto the road.
when it reached the middle lane, i turned to look away.
heard an explosion.
turned to see it hopping back limping and falling over.
crawled onto the pavement, stomach heaving.
opened its mouth in a couple of silent cries.
kicked at nothing.
and was motionless.
eyes open, still looked alive. whiskers twitching gently.
its chest gave a few last ripples.

its amazing how something that was so alive just seconds ago had life knocked out of it. reminds me of a line in a poem about how a careless wave of the hand could damage a fly's wings unknowingly.
life is so fragile.

its one thing to laugh at death, and another to see it in process. i'm the kind who wouldn't think twice if dared (with a bet) to pick up some remnant of a dead creature. but to see dying in action... is something i wouldnt wish on my enemy.