Wednesday, October 08, 2008

[08102008 9.40am | disoriented. -TBCed- ]

how selfish would you be in order to gain something, to have something your way.
at what expense. or, at WHO's expense.
and then, when you see the pain and unhappiness you're causing, what would you do.
i'm going to let go, so God help me.


its a struggle against my nature, and what i think i should do.
what i think i should do usually wins out, but my self control sucks... cos...
i give in very easily to jealousy and anger, although my mask is f l a w l e s s---
but, if you want to ruin me, that's all you need to make me feel.
fortunately, i don't usually bother with feelings of great depth unless you mean alot alot alot to me.
i mean, i'm definitely not a compassionate person, and i seldom empathize with other people, unless i have been through something similar, or, once again, you mean alot alot alot to me.
even so, i'm more likely to scold you until you "wake up your idea", rather than "mmm" and nod sympathetically.
unfortunately, that means i would rather be treated likewise - without the excessive fussing over me thing - and the people who care about me cannot reconcile this.


i need to stop convincing myself, and just live true to what i really think.
i can do anything on earth, as long as i can convince myself to. but most of the time its not something i really want to do, but i convince myself that it is anyway, and then, proceed to live out a nightmare.


hah... this song, which i keep replaying has a sound that sounds like the Garena PM message sound. so everytime i get to that part, i become confused and i click on my task bar to see who msged me.
*plays other songs... 周杰伦 -女儿红.... 失落非主流..
and this one has such a cute name 失恋的青蛙 - Lovelorn Frog
(WILLY FROG hahhaa... =x )
jay's NEW ALBUM out on 15th OCT!!! but most of the songs have leaked already.
its amazing how i always look forward to his new albums... goodness... its been... 5 years? or so? of looking forward to his annnual album release.


"ya, if you wanna know the truth, it IS MY fault. it sucks to be a sub, i only needed one experience to be sure of that. but life's not fair."
then again. there's no need to be so mean, because regardless, i win.


tbc-ing 5.04pm
i was about to compose something... but my spark of inspiration disappeared after i was called away from my desk to attend to something.
so now i'm left... with something to say, but not quite able to remember what it was...

i was given some work to do, and then, i just got surprised by my colleagues. LOL.
so now my mind is totally not on what i wanted to say...

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