Saturday, October 04, 2008

[ 04102008 1.56am | almoststepheniemeyer ]

where did this deep anger come from... when did this paralyzing anguish make its presence known. i'm a victim of my own devices. i'm paying for something i should never have purchased. Never.

yet, if i could live it all again, i would.
such is the paradox that i am.

my only comfort is my sanity. in reasoning and analysing do i wheedle myself out of this closed darkness that i've shut myself into.

i have all but succumbed.
this is something i have asked for, so i will deal with the consequences.
it takes all i've got to hold back from clawing your eyes out and breaking your nose.

someone said i've become more vocal here, online, in cyberspace. i concur... without you, my faithful online webspace, i'd be driven to a point of no return - you are my means of mental survival, and writing here, allows me to be... Almost... free.
to you, i can bare everything that i could never admit to anyone.

thank you. for being an (un)willing partner, when the emotions rumble like thunder overhead and threaten to storm around me... to fog out my carefully constructed facade of stability.

but i am surely, irrevocably altered. for this is... to say the least... debilitating.

so, please, proceed, my darling. its only whats left for you to continue acting out, before i shut this chapter away, and never revisit it.

maybe after i've removed your image from my heart...
i'll do it, even if it means getting a ****ing transplant.
cos you give me no reason to stay. or try. or... look back.

replace the mask.
not a hair out of place.
remove the weakness from my eyes.
yes. that especially.
hold my head high, and pull. pull with all my might, at the roots of-what-was that are strangling my heart.


Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown

Just don't ask me how I am

No comments: