[ 260308 1.19am inadequate ]

i could go on and on a list of complaints, but in the end it boils down to that one word.


inadequate.



not living up to your expectations. to other people's expectations of you. of falling short.
i'm reaching the end of my tether, way too soon. or maybe i just lack direction. or maybe i'm like a blinkered cart-horse that can only see the small semicircle infront.

**
did an interview for straits times today, i'm not sure when it will be out. i will probaby update. its about generation Y's and their working attitudes. it made me soul search, unexpectedly, about what i want in a job. yes, the environment and the culture. yes, the pay. yes, what the company is about.
i love having a free rein.
i love exposure, learning new things, trying out new things.
i love doing the things i love.
am i too individualistic? too self-centered?
too... indulgent?
spoilt perhaps.

***
i'm tired. i had a long day. but i cant sleep i'm just thinking about too many things.
so many things that i'm not sure where to start unravelling the train of thoughts.


i am unfortunately in a suicidal mood again. i had this urge to do a 10km jog again... pity i lack running shoes now...
theres someting about the rhythmic pounding of feet, in sync with a heavy heartbeat that clears my mind.
i need it i need it.
fishing. in the dead of the night.
maybe i just need a dose of the seaside.


Am reading Romeo and Juliet again. because ice mentioned it a while ago. i remember memorising lines from it...
Bondage is hoarse and may not speak aloud,
Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies
And make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine
With repetition of "My Romeo!"

sigh. love the language. even though its a household play... and so commonly read and (mis)quoted..

deny thy father, and refuse thy name
or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
and i'll no longer be a Capulet!

what's in a name? that which we call a rose,
by any other word would smell as sweet.

lovely. it like listening to lyrics nicely written chinese songs. you never realised that thoughts and feelings could be put across so accurately and beautifully.