[ 01042008 1.05pm so much for being fooled. ]


excellent day. which i spent grinning helplessly at the computer as more and more things piled up and crashed over in front of me. some things cant be helped. like a women's monthly period, and the final week of the month pressure cooker of sales people trying to hit their targets. going haywire once a month is simply not fun.
只能无奈的对着电脑笑。

dinner+coffee was cool though.
"your sitting position shows how big you are"
*licks the pestle
and a whole lot of other ridiculous comments which almost got me laughing til i puked.


**
forgive me if i think you are dumb. but i think there are other things i would rather spend my energy doing. and this just isnt something i would spend an excessive amount of my youth on. i believe in doing things while i'm young, as opposed to waiting til i'm too old, or dead, to do them. instant gratification? perhaps, but i want my experiences now. when they are available. the only thing between me and them, is you, you, you , and THIS.

if i had my way with things, my life would be so different. probably not so "accomplished" probably a little more "wasted", but probably more fulfilled.
alot more fulfilled, and less empty. less regretful, even.

not that i've been a total stick in the mud. i've just been biding my time and keeping my wings clipped. i just need to... stretch them. fly. go astray for a while. and hopefully find my way back.

incidentally, i love dreams where i'm flying. there is just this awesome feeling of freedom and nothingness between you and your goals.

ant called to rant again tonight. and he got me thinking about the reasons why you get a bf/gf. he was saying that if he were to get one now, it would be for all the wrong reasons.
so maybe its not about being attached only. how about marriage. marriage is about exchanging one set of freedoms for another, one set of problems for another, one set of restrictions for another. if marriage were an institution, then the husband and wife should be the CEO and Presidet. its all about functionality isnt it.
how many people believe that they marry for love, only to find themselves disillusioned after a while. the things you look for in a boyfriend, vary greatly from the things you look for in a husband. the set of roles and responsibilities are worlds apart. not that i've been married before to know all this... its probably my onesided view... but well.

talking to the Ks people introduces me to another kind of life, and society, where getting married at 16-19 is normal. where schools are for kids below 16. and work is non-existent. in the near future at least.
but thats all besides the point.
having a lifelong companion has its perks. if you can get over the way he smells after his soccer game, the way he eats his dinner, burps after drinking, lounges around in boxers, pees on the toilet seat etcetc. knowing someone is there for you no matter what, to share the emotional, physical and financial burdens.. is just, WAY TOO PRACTICAL to miss.

its a long way off for me i guess. for more reasons than the obvious.
i'll always remember one line from my sister. "dont marry to escape."
how true how true.
i'd rather a lifelong partner without sex, than marriage.


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thursday......................