I wonder

So. It came over me quite suddenly. This feeling of being in limbo.
Not having what i want and need, yet not willing to revert, and not bothering to search. Anymore.
And I guess I always knew this sadness was in me somewhere.
It's just safer to not let myself feel it.
As long as i don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist. Its not true.
I could waft through life like a scent in a department stall. Mingling with all the countless other scents, overpowering some and being overpowered by some.
But blending in with everything else eventually... And just. Dealing.
And I might be irritated by many things, but there are few things that i profess to hate.
And i hate. Losing control.
So much so that forcing myself to conform is preferable to losing it and running around in circles trying to escape, when i already told myself not to.

I'm considering keeping this as one of my never to be posted drafts... Because although it tells the reader nothing, its one of my more honest posts, simply because it very accurately describes how I'm feeling.

Or is it just the pms talking.
:)


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