[ 27102003 3.16am | post-game.pre-sleep ]

its really really not my fault that i'm still awake now... i slept for 5 hrs in the afternoon -_- ok fine. so maybe it is my fault.
just had a few good games of wc with zy. not bad not bad... at least we can still win sometimes.
for those who are not noticing, i have enlarged my font size. better? feedback. or i'll change it back to 6pt cos it looks rather large to me now.


sometimes, its really strange the way things turn out. you could work really hard at something, yet see no fruits of your labour. nothing you do seems to help...
if you just let it be, maybe it'll work out right in the end... to just go with the flow and relinquish responsibility. not quite giving up... just, not resisting.
then again, do you compromise yourself when you do that? can one really answer to oneself after its over and done with? would you ask if there was something more you could have done?
or whether if anything you did or didnt do would affect the outcome at all...
i'm starting to sound abit like the oracle. matrix. THE matrix. not those sequels... the kitchen scene... when neo broke the vase. gosh... how many times have i watched that show...

"na de qi, fang de xia" (can pick up, can put down - direct translation) meaning, able to let go. something my chinese teacher back in rg commended me for being able to do. actually, i don't think i'm like that at all... if i pick something up, i won't let it go without kicking up a huge storm. like... expect to see blood man... i'd fight to my last breath if i wanted to keep it. fight, mind you. not thrown tantrum. and not just talking about physical, tangible things of course... (ee... i sound like a big baby)
keyword : want
but sometimes, fighting aint enough. there are so many other factors on top of your personal wants and so many stronger powers than your own will-power...

for those curious ones, i don't really have anything specific in mind... just a thought i've been toying with.

conclusion : "still what could've been is better than what could never be at all" - tiffany "could've been"


song of the moment : ainslie henderson - keep me a secret

i'm trying to keep you out
and i'm trying to keep me in...
keep me a secret
keep me outta your arms
keep my kisses off your lipstick
stop me swallowing your charms
keep yourself a secret
lock up all your doors
i'll keep you out of my dreams
just you keep... me... out... of... yours.


my winamp seems to be playing gorgeous songs all of a sudden... like totally man... *insert reese witherspoon look here*
wish i could just quote my favourite lines from every song i hear here. audio-excitement.

guess its almost time for me to sign off and read political science notes til i konk off... which will take a very long time... damn it. insomnia again.