[ 28042006 3.31am FINALLY. ]

blogger is finally working... omgosh... i have been wanting to write since... two weeks ago? one and a half? exams really make me wanna write more i have no idea why.
anyhow, heres what happened in the past... dunno how many days

- mVp cut hair outing! lol
- capl at e2max
- EXAMS!! LAST PAPER ON SAT!!! FREEDOM STARTS AT 11 AM!
- LAN session yesterday post soci of food paper + SUPER HEADACHE and unexpected bump into YOUAN.
- recent many studying sessions with paul, keith + co. and GIMMIE!!

k thats the rough... outline of my life since my last blog.

***
i'm aching for some good training sessions with my gals... its been WAY TOO LONG. (oh man, wassup with all my caps recently...)
been re-reading old entries... where did i find all that energy to be so creative...

considering trips overseas with shen...

i'm going crazy... i levelled twice in o2jam today... lvl 24-26. theres something... really good abt banging at your keyboard when you're full of pent up frustration and stress...

i never thought i could make good friends through gaming... somehow i've never really succeeded in making any that i've actually kept in close contct with... joel perhaps? but yeah... i dun think i could do without my present dota bunch...
lol this was a dp done for one of the little (stalker) flies on my web - my angel! O=)
just think that the little photo insert is gosu... TOOT NO. 1 FTW!



and this is my hair now. hurhur... black and blue... i match my mouse and mousepad, as well as my everglide keyboard. the next person who calls me an AH LIAN is gonna have some round things plucked out... there is a HUGE difference between LIAN and GOTH. and i am GOTH.



i love this shot... its us 3 rEv0s who have the rEv0 jersey... in a row... in the same position... with our nicks showing on our sleeves... TaC* FTW! egames compie dec 2005...
me! kiao kar-ing! my trademark position V^^



long long ago... gals showcase match at WCG 2005... september 11th. lol... sunday.
me, my teh, my old 6230i, my omni and i.

transcript of screenshot taken by ice ***

mVp)ice.on- : -.-
mVp)Dej3cted- : lol
mVp)ice.on- : OO
You whisper to your friends : OOOO
furryfish.rEv0 : hello?
mVp)ice.on- : hi
You whisper to your friends : MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH FURRY FISH
You whisper to your friends : IC
mVp)Dej3cted- whispers : omg exposed
You whisper to your friends : K GG
You whisper to your friends : SCREEN SHOTED

its just funny in its own way... =)
think this was taken in... i have no idea when... but i remember the day. october perhaps? november? i can't remember... rofl...


E2Max new year's eve compie... me in my rEv0 jersey again and a super grumpy face i dunno y... dawn's bro on my right (oops i mean my left...), my bro ajax on my left (eek i mean my right!! i'm directionally spastic i think)... with tofu hiding behind him and cloud watching open mouthed at my gosu noobness next to tofu. eter behind my head with cz close behind him. crea in his super formal striped long sleeved shirt and gosu hair sitting with some unknown guy.
this compie... met hengky's team first round. lol or... played with dej, dawn, dawn's bro, and dawn's bro's fren.
interesting night it was... was wtfing when rEv0 first team met mVp, i mean... who do i support man... all friends!


hei se hui! 黑色会！！ all of us in black that day dunno why... and lux happily whipped out the phone while i was eating and being blur... check out my gosu hair and expression man... T.T candid shots for you i guess.
reminds me of the many days that the bunch of us went out to the paradiz foodcourt prior / post lan...

i am furryfish.

mehh~* bracket 3 many many!!

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解

[ 18042006 3.41am madness* ]

yeah, thats me, as usual. mad.
i was extremely distressed when blogger couldn't log in, and my com started acting real slow. but its all ok after the restart... was panicking hard cos i really needed to write.

here's to an abstract entry.

there are just somethings i have to learn to get over i guess. not everything turns out the way you want it to. this phrase reminds me of click chico... lol... which reminds me of the "loyal to death" comment.
i am so off tangent. i am more off tangent than i am abstract.
i am in need of a walk at the beach.
anyhow, some things are expected, some things are unexpected, some things are better than expected, some things are as expected. some things are... a wake up call, some things are a challenge.
an identity, a deviant. who really cares in the end. you are just who you are. why are some things un-understandable, why is it so hard for another person to see what you mean.
things which are gone, won't come back again, thats the reality of life. a chance once past is always past. even if it knocks on your window, called opportunity, a second time, it will be another chance, not the same chance.
to bring up things which are gone, to do or not to do?
honesty as brutal and blunt as a broom handle, shall i mince thee and season thee with salt?
to all things that i care about, have cared about and will care about - let me down easy, so i can rest in peace after you're gone.
to work hard and aim high, to believe in yourself and those around you. trust is so hard. faith is even harder.
cynicism is what saves the heart from hurting more, the mind from sliding into InSanity-* .
expectations are so dangerous, its like how a flashbang is more deadly than a he grenade, cs speaking. they blind you to the reality of things, leave you in your own surreal world then when things clear, you realise you've been walking on a candyfloss bridge over a pool of sea urchins.
what is cohesiveness and where is the splendour of sharing with other lonely wanderers of this tundra, also called life. what is it that you want? what is it that you are doing?
a face you wish to see not, ever, of whom you wished to know of, never. the insatiable curiousity, with the golden opportunity.
a mouthful of wine and a jugful of beer, a scenario in a car so long ago, legs up on the dashboard, giggling tipsilly. promises made, then, and barely controlled anger, now.
common knowledge you should know, education to be administered.
the need to relieve this weight upon my overworked lump of muscle within my chest, so rest with a clear conscience, no regrets and to be purely happy, a wish for a lifetime. a wish for now. the tragedy of an overactive mind is insomnia.
light of my life... leave me not, for i need you like the couch potato needs his daily dose of MSG.
silver linings, silver pavements, silver rain, a silver sea...
a cup of roses and my morning tea...
to reflect upon my iniquities, to muster the courage to voice an admission. to take sherica's lighter and burn off my hair. [ o? where did that come from? ]

i lament the loss of my coherence and i am deeply sympathetic to those who part company with my blog entry scratching their heads in confusion.

then again, pardon my insincereity, for in actual fact i do not care.

i leave you in InSanity-*

"i like the way you say my name, in the middle of the night when you are sleeping..."

[ 06042006 7.13am wondering. ]

ever had the feeling that people think you're crazy because you game so much? why does gaming carry a stigma that sports doesn't? i mean, if you are involved in competitive sports, people dont say that you are addicted and postulate that you have a mental illness or obsession... but if you are serious about competitive gaming, you have to deal with being called geek and addicted and all that.

i mean. there is just this certain look, that people who dont understand, give you when u tell them you've been training ______(insert game name here). it is the omgosh i wanna laugh or is this person for real look. especially when its gals you tell. they'll be like... huh? game got so fun one meh? or some other dumb comment like that. TOO FEW PEOPLE TAKE GAMING AS A SERIOUS SPORT. think about it, when you tell someone, o i like to go to the gym, they would probably say something like... o wow, you're so healthy. theres a sense of... awe and admiration for the person because he/she is able to take control of his/her body. when you tell people you spent the last 4 hrs gaming, they would give you an almost tangible sneer, and you can read the words "you are so out of control of your life" across his/her forehead.

and i dont think that the time spent on the respective activity is very much different!

yeah. sometimes i just dont get it.
***

ok. i dunno why things stress me out. maybe i just have to have more faith? where does having too much faith and turning a blind eye meet? where is the line drawn?
i wanna stay far away from that boundary... but i'm really... really... running out of steam. exams are in 2 weeks time or so. and i really have to prioritise studies now.
postponement of caring. is that possible? maybe i should give it a try.
***

fell asleep doing readings. i hate waking up in the middle of the night to turn my lights off... and sleeping on books isnt exactly comfortable. but... oh well. at least i'm starting to DO some work. SOME at least.
thursday. sigh.

i can't take it anymore... this kinda life is killing me...

[ 04042006 9.30pm the past few days... ]

Didn't wanna want you

Didn't wanna need you so bad

Didn't wanna wake up

And find that I was falling so fast

Didn't wanna need you

Didn't wanna need anyone

Now look what you've done

***

nice song... marcos hernandez - the way i do.

tawned the training room on thursday and friday... thurday after the match and friday after more matches. zzz 30hrs no sleep (from sunday night 10pm til this morning 5/6 am) = 14 hrs straight of sleep needed. ROFL!

post X3M talk last night : -

been thinking over the leaving rev0 and kal thing. theres no REAL difference to my life patterns, except that theres a sense of exclusion. rev0's my first team, and seeing them move on and finally getting sponsors, yet not being a part of it, its a little strange. 10march2005.

the people in rev0 now tho... i cant say that i know them all. cos, there have been so many new recruits and stuff. even at clan bbq, i didnt know half of them. for rev0, i guess its just the nostalgia thing. cos i dont become a part of something for fun. and i have never LEFT a clan. for kal, things arent different, cos i've never competed in a compie with them, and we are still going out together. so nothing VERY much has changed there.

i just hate... leaving. i'm the to-death kinda loyalty... so this was a struggle.

the emo emo thing... is also something we all have to get over... i'm also guilty of it, but i'm gonna put it under control. but i can say, that i dont get offended by anything said to me in game. what ticks me off in game are excuses without trying. people who dont try hard enough and lousy teamwork! also ksing, on PURPOSE! like, dont spam spell or time purposely for last hit, just whack normally and let the last hit go to whoever it goes to by CHANCE. cos its the team win that matters, not the frags. also, if teammate times for last hit, that means u miss out giving the enemy hero a few hits, which might be the difference between a kill and a tp away, or a kill an back vs time for the rest of his team to come gang us.

ok. that felt like it was not easy to understand. but i'm not aiming anyone, its a... general kinda thing, like what i'm pissed off at generally.

***

fri night - we tawned after the matches, then had a team talk. i'm so glad that alot more things are settled, but i just wanna emphasize... honesty and dun take things to heart too much. trust each other as friends and teammates.

after the team talk, played a game, then went to mount elizabeth hospital to pick up hiro's car. k, i wont elaborate on that part in case i'm not supposed to. but that was like the first time i felt like my license was useful! drove back to the room. and after a game, drove 7 of us to hiro's house to zzzzz.. imagine the sight of lux, cloud, jas, shan, ice and hiro squashed into the passenger seats of the car! rofl... nissan sunny. i was like... omgosh if i get into an accident, i have to account for 6 other lives! lol... took a bus back from his place later in the evening.

***

the changing role of my blog - i realise that its becoming less of a place for me to reflect on issues and creative posts. its become a... log of my life. to a certain extent. its still impersonal, cos i dont publicise my life, but its got more of my day to day stuff on.

***

avalon round 2 - thx for the win gals! and thx to the support from behind - ice lux cloud. there is a difference behind mindless comments and useful help, and last night, it was helpful! <3>

thx to hero and demon too... for always being there to guide and to talk to, and look after the room and us! and for letting our friends overrun the room! =D dont think TOO much abt things.