[ 18042006 3.41am madness* ]

yeah, thats me, as usual. mad.
i was extremely distressed when blogger couldn't log in, and my com started acting real slow. but its all ok after the restart... was panicking hard cos i really needed to write.

here's to an abstract entry.

there are just somethings i have to learn to get over i guess. not everything turns out the way you want it to. this phrase reminds me of click chico... lol... which reminds me of the "loyal to death" comment.
i am so off tangent. i am more off tangent than i am abstract.
i am in need of a walk at the beach.
anyhow, some things are expected, some things are unexpected, some things are better than expected, some things are as expected. some things are... a wake up call, some things are a challenge.
an identity, a deviant. who really cares in the end. you are just who you are. why are some things un-understandable, why is it so hard for another person to see what you mean.
things which are gone, won't come back again, thats the reality of life. a chance once past is always past. even if it knocks on your window, called opportunity, a second time, it will be another chance, not the same chance.
to bring up things which are gone, to do or not to do?
honesty as brutal and blunt as a broom handle, shall i mince thee and season thee with salt?
to all things that i care about, have cared about and will care about - let me down easy, so i can rest in peace after you're gone.
to work hard and aim high, to believe in yourself and those around you. trust is so hard. faith is even harder.
cynicism is what saves the heart from hurting more, the mind from sliding into InSanity-* .
expectations are so dangerous, its like how a flashbang is more deadly than a he grenade, cs speaking. they blind you to the reality of things, leave you in your own surreal world then when things clear, you realise you've been walking on a candyfloss bridge over a pool of sea urchins.
what is cohesiveness and where is the splendour of sharing with other lonely wanderers of this tundra, also called life. what is it that you want? what is it that you are doing?
a face you wish to see not, ever, of whom you wished to know of, never. the insatiable curiousity, with the golden opportunity.
a mouthful of wine and a jugful of beer, a scenario in a car so long ago, legs up on the dashboard, giggling tipsilly. promises made, then, and barely controlled anger, now.
common knowledge you should know, education to be administered.
the need to relieve this weight upon my overworked lump of muscle within my chest, so rest with a clear conscience, no regrets and to be purely happy, a wish for a lifetime. a wish for now. the tragedy of an overactive mind is insomnia.
light of my life... leave me not, for i need you like the couch potato needs his daily dose of MSG.
silver linings, silver pavements, silver rain, a silver sea...
a cup of roses and my morning tea...
to reflect upon my iniquities, to muster the courage to voice an admission. to take sherica's lighter and burn off my hair. [ o? where did that come from? ]

i lament the loss of my coherence and i am deeply sympathetic to those who part company with my blog entry scratching their heads in confusion.

then again, pardon my insincereity, for in actual fact i do not care.

i leave you in InSanity-*

"i like the way you say my name, in the middle of the night when you are sleeping..."