Friday, August 29, 2008

[ 29082008 12.36am | post-ESWC san jose ]


heres the pic from rinoa! zenith + ks
back left to right : zr, hy, musica, ppx, xiaoma, dkmage
front left to right : tofu, xiaogui, rinoa, ymt, sakura


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

[ 27082008 9.52AM | ASIA PAWNS! ]

http://www.waaaghtv.com/en/

WATCH MATCHES LIVE! go download the client!!
OMGOSH I MISSED ONE WHOLE DAY OF MATCHES!

SINGAPORE IS THROUGH TO SEMIS AS WELL!!!!!!!
WHEET!!
ASIAN TEAMS FTWWWWWWW

***
UPDATE
finals DOTA ESWC 12pm sanjose time. WEDNESDAY.
Ks vs Zenith!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ 27082008 1.24am | a question ]

http://www.mymym.com/en/article/812/2.html

MYM Fear! ^^
We arrived at our hotel in the afternoon most of the team crashed and went to sleep. Shortly after our nap we woke up to go get our ID badges for the event so we could enter the next day. Later on that day the team reunited with one of the many teams that were attending ESWC, PMS. Levent and H4nn1- both went with PMS to go see the Eiffel tower while Maelk, Mania-, Pusher and I went to just get some food and crash back at our hotel for the night to make sure we were well rested for tomorrow when we would be playing our first matches.
First day of ESWC we played +46, SRS, Reborn and EG and only lost to EG. After day one we were a little disappointed but we still qualified from our group for the finals, only side effect was having to play SK first in the finals. Later on that night, h4nn1- LevenT and I went out to a restaurant in Paris with the girls from PMS, where I had some duck that looked like cat food, but surprisingly still tasted pretty good. And I, some pasta and a chocolate bar looking thing, overall it was a fun night (shout out to: w4nderz, Korini, furryfish and Aeris!).



***
back to my question:
i was washing my dishes when a thought came to my mind. which i wanted to share with dawn, but she disappeared when i came back, so... i decided to write it down before i forgot.
to what extent do you trust your so called "sixth sense".
and that got me thinking about, what a sixth sense is.
theoretically, a sixth sense is an... intuition. something not connected to any of the other 5 senses. its an inexplicable... feeling? thought? something that is irrational?

most "sixth-sense" feelings however, i believe are bullshit. they are probably the offshoots of thoughts and suspicions, based on facts, and things that really happened. just that you dont know which and how exactly it caused you to come to that conclusion. or MAY not know how you came to feel so strongly about whatever it is.

its almost september. before you know it, i'll be 24, and it will be 2009. life is so fulll. so very very fullll. ^^

"it is mine to give to whom i will..."

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

[ 26082008 11.57am | eswc ]

LATEST RESULTS
DOTA
SK 0 1 EVILG
KINGSURF 1 0 S3X
NAFU 1 0 SRS
SK 1 0 KINGSURF
NAFU 0 1 EVILG
SRS 1 0 S3X
SK 1 0 NAFU
SRS 0 1 KINGSURF
S3X 0 1 EVILG
SK 0 1 SRS
S3X 1 0 NAFU
EVILG 0 1 KINGSURF
SK 1 0 S3X
EVILG 1 0 SRS
KINGSURF 1 0 NAFU


1 EVIL GENIUSES 12
1 KINGSURF 12
3 SK GAMING 9
4 SERIOUS GAMING 6
5 NAFU 3
5 S3X 3

Monday, August 25, 2008

[ 25082008 2.10am | sanjose ]

gl all teams there!!
i'm waiting to watch the replays ^^
and dying of jealousy wishing i could be there. even if its as a spectator.

***

my parents are going off on a holiday soon. for a week+
precious alone-time for me.
and troublesome dogs. gg

***

i feel like going ikea. anyone wanna go with meeee? cute single and female please apply.
(for the benefit of hime) can go out after work hrs one. like... 7pm on.
=p

***

daniel is gosu.
i shud listen to him more.
LOL!

cloud is gosu also.
pban emo ftw.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

[ 24082008 3.57am | tuna ]

happy birthday tuna....

***

i think. one of the easiest ways to commit suicide should be jump off some building. and i can't think of any better block to jump off than Dawn's. its 40 storeys high, and someone ALREADY jumped before.
its a sure die.

***

i don't know why i am presented with these choices. they only serve to mess me up a little bit more. just when i've made up my mind, and am all set to live it, someone comes and throws me off balance.

***

there is no such thing as destiny. what happens to us, is created. by our choices, by Divine intervention.
whatever happens, is your own fault, most likely. FREE WILL, remember.
and, God is in control.
ftw.
even so, i cant help but not trust enough, and mass worry.
theres 2 ways it can go... either it will be good, or bad.

***

patient, calm fish.
me.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

[ 21082008 9.43pm | ~ ]

oh my God.
i really cannot take it anymore.

***
i blog, but i blog in vain.

***
tell me. please. tell me why this always happens to me. give me a sensible answer, and i will believe you.
just when i find my feet, i'm knocked off again.
why.
why does this hurt so much more than alot of things ever did.
where am i.

where are you.

why are you doing this to me. to me indirectly. for yourself. but to me.

why do i even care.

oh my God...
the implications.

don't make me hate you.

Ina - I Wanted You (w/ lyrics)

ting le straight emo song.
courtesy of yuna.

[ 21082008 1.38am | bbq me now. ]




o.m.goodness.




this guy is fking cute.

and he has a fking nice song.
-ggs herself-
十字街道做背景 寒风当道具
气氛闷的就像要下雨 我在等回忆光临
记忆中那场相遇 还如此清晰
怎么转眼就面对分离
温馨片段没整理 已经来不及
你说有我暖过的手心 现在贴着别的心
深情像片碎玻璃 散落在眼底
闪着晶莹却也痛了自己
我愿意不爱你
因为所有快乐伤悲都那么多余
我愿意不爱你
痛就放在心里不用关闭不需要痊愈


快乐点滴没整理 已经来不及
你说属于我们的回忆 你都不能够继续
再见说得那么轻 就好像空气
可是为什么我无法呼吸
我愿意不爱你
以后所有快乐都涂上凄美记忆
我愿意不爱你
从此就将回忆点滴直接注射在心里
我愿意不爱你
因为所有快乐伤悲都那么多余
我愿意不爱你
痛就放在心里不用关闭不需要痊愈
我愿意不爱你
痛就放在心里不用关闭不需要痊愈
☆...

wo yuan yi bu ai ni as slideshow
gu dan xin shi - lan you shi.
one of my current fav songs together with a scene from some taiwanese drama 终极一班

[ 21082008 12.50am | perverse ]

the perverse obsession with acquiring what isnt yours. i demur, that belongs to someone else.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

[ 20082008 11.50pm | xMujiCa ]

he's back! in sg. ^^
waiting for my chocsss

***

glad to have my mind on other things. ^^
rewarding things. and people.

***

had an -interesting- night meeting up with ppl i dont normally meet up with. ^^

***

had a super cool day at work too. ^^

***

finally some optimism forced into my life.

[ 20082008 12.59am | nice.date. ]

this is all i have to say.

http://www.qq163.com/song/6096/81182.htm

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

[ 19082008 11.48am | another interview ]

interview done by gameaxis. i wouldnt say the article was very well put together, but it was a good effort at piecing my disjointed comments.
i think they photoshopped me. TT" either that or the printer is abit off.
photoshop already still look so ugly. GG.



[ 19082008 1.14am | determination. ]

things will work out by sheer determination and hard work.
i'm in the mood to swear by what i say, but its just wrong to swear.

从此要做个开心鱼。
不开心也扮给你看!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

TAYLOR SWIFT: TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I need everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without


Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night


[Chorus:]


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do


Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause


[Repeat Chorus]


So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..


Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

[ 16082008 4.40am | nutcase. ]

whats in a nutshell?
a nut.
so a nut shell is a nut case. since it encases a nut.
***
wtf am i talking about?
must have inherited it from my dad. hes like
whats worse that beating eggs up?
digging the eyes out of potatoes.
***
k i think i mentioned this somewhere in my blog earlier in my life.
when i was perhaps, less disillusioned, less able to think, perhaps as incapable of acting.
what does being disillusioned have to do with it?
no idea.
i'm not even sure if i spelt it correctly.
***
[lapses into colloquial]
my windows got no more grills. very coolllll. cos grills are hot mah. you bbq on them.
ROFL
k i'm like having some weird conversation with myself.
*peels herself off the computer and deposits the remains on a area meant for rest, peace and emo thoughts.

hook.line.and.sinker.

yeah baby. (said tinker style)
you're so fcuked.
^^

Friday, August 15, 2008

[ 15082008 1.37am | crazy.disjointedbitch ]

i think i'm mad.
maybe.
i mean... come on. look at the expanse of chinese.
if you've ever spoken to me, you'll know i cant speak chinese even if it was to save my life.
*
let me make an assertion.
there are ugly people on this earth.
physically ugly. right now, in making this point, i dont really give a damn about their hearts, and character and whatever.
yes, i admit that "ugly" is subjective, perhaps based on personal opinion. what i think is ugly, you might like to look at, and vice versa. but that does not negate the fact that i think it/he/she is ugly.

therefore, ugly people exist.

moving on, is it really possible to put aside the external and lurrrrrrrrve the person for his/her heart and character? how do you kiss his/her face without cringing in horror and how do you mute your disgust?
paperbag ftw?

[ 15082008 12.28am | ~ ]

为你我觉得遗憾的是我不够自信
不了解你说了一些话的用意
几乎是所有时间在想你
快乐之后是压抑
有没有过这样的呼吸

我真的迷了路
在喧闹人群中
有个我
静悄悄地走过
如果你是真的
想念就是真的
分两头
从每一条路到每一个错过
一直走
也许不知道往哪里走

退到了边界 结果我没了知觉 就连痛都嫌浪费
在爱裡残废 非弄得伤痕累累
累到我无力再追 最怕你突然要挽回
回到了原点 原点却又像终点 然后 多痛 一遍

只是心又飄到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

不敢问却一直想问
你心里藏着什么人
不敢猜却一直想猜
如回去有没有可能
我不够完整
你给的从来不够完整
你一个语气都无法确认
这种缺乏是什么象征
我那么的认真
去思考你对我的认真
或许是多么伤害人
而结论始终是疑问
我爱疯了
我疯到自己痛也不晓得

你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

[ 13082008 11.48pm | ... ]

刮风这天
我试过握着你手
但偏偏 
雨渐渐
大到我看你不见
还要多久
我才能在你身边
等待放晴的那天
也许我会比较好一点
从前从前
有个人爱你很久
但偏偏 
风渐渐
把距离吹得好远
好不容易
又能再多爱一天
但故事的最后
你好像还是说了拜拜

[ 13082008 12.51am | 如果* ]

my blog has a reader, who requested that i blog more in chinese. so i shall attempt. please... feel free to laugh at my chinese.

***
如果现在能够满足我的一个愿望... 我会选哪一个愿望?
包括一般win-win的愿望... 比如“快乐”,“智慧”, “钱”...
如果要选个具体的愿望, 一个对付生命中的某问题...
and so, if it were to target a specific problem, would that mean that wishes are for allieviating standing problems?
其实,想也没有用. 不会发生的.

***

最近心情起伏.
一方面有许多能够令我非常开心的事.
另一方面有些解决不了的事. 有些治不了的心病.

***

谢谢关心我的人. 我msn名字多数是歌词.
可是,那些歌词是否代表我的心情/思想,你们该知道我不会说的。
自给自足 就够了!

***

and i'm tired of thinking of how to translate my thoughts. its WAY TOO SLOW.
one day i'm gonna string a bunch of lyrics together and create a blog post.
at least i dont have to think of how to phrase what i'm thinking/feeling. borrow ftw.


***

要变傻鱼*了...
"一向来都傻了"
sigh.
晚安.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

[ 12082008 12.56am | !! ]

get this thought out of my head.
GET OUT!! of my HEAD!!!
ROAR!

AND DONT ASK!! stop asking!!!!!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

i am really kind to cloud. its just that he makes life difficult for himself. lol.
like, i let him play o2jam in the air con study room at my hostel, i give him snacks + drink.
then! he complain got security guard and he forget wat to tell the guard, so he turn off the light and sit on the floor and play. and he say, i give him dog biscuits + water.
and then proceeds to call me EVIL.

GG

***

wcg/acg is finally over. OVER. no more for a YEAR.
probably one of my most memorable wcg/acg.
^^

Saturday, August 09, 2008

[ 08092008 4.07am | notahappyfish* ]

i cant believe how much emotional baggage i'm currently carrying around. i think that is probably evident in my speech and manner. i just cant help it if i cannot hide how i feel. ^^
i'm very short with some people, and i just cant help it. sometimes you just happen to be in the wrong place and the wrong time, saying the wrong thing to me.
but i'm getting better at not snapping at people. at least i warn them first.

anyhow, wcg is over, for us, this year. i cant say that i felt exceedingly excited about it all. but it was some sort of accomplishment for us. and i'm happy with what we achieved, as little as it may be. not every success has to be tangible.

you. have made many bad decisions. yes, its all part of growing up, or growing OLD. but. i just cant forgive some, because i feel it transcends age and maturity.
the person i forgive the least, is myself. if i'm the hardest on the person i know the best, what makes you think you would get any exceptional treatment?

i'm on my really really old laptop. its a 1.4ghz toshiba, and i got it back in... 2004? or so? when i was still in university.
incidentally, i JUST finished paying off the loan for it this very month on the 1st August. many many years after i graduated. lol.
looking at what it contains and feeling the old familiar keys, (and spacebar --> for the benefit of dejec) brings back just so very many memories thoughts and feelings.
it is @#$%#^$%&%^& slow though.
found a whole horde of things i'd like to take along with me to my current life.
oh, this laptop, has served me REALLY well. its the best i've owned, ever. it never required servicing, it never died on me, it was always reliable, steady, if a bit slow. if only it were my husband. i'd probably be so bored i'd die young. but well. at least theres no ups and downs and gg stuff to contend with.

you asked me a question before. and my answer is yes. yes, but i have no idea why. but because i know its not rational, its suppressed, and you will never know. ever.
its yes. but sometimes i want to kill myself thinking about it. not literally of course. i'm not that ready to meet my maker yet.

so much for my unnamed "you's"
lets get personal.
maybe tomorrow. lol.

Friday, August 08, 2008

[ 080808 2.45am | omgosh its 080808 ?! ]

olympics starts.
cool i didnt even realise.
***

mass thoughts.. AGAIN.

***
i dont need your sympathy. i can settle myself, fine and well. those i care about, know it.
***
omgosh, you and you!!!!!!!!!!!! just... like STOP it already. i GET the POINT.
***
i mass lurves youuuuu... you... you!!!
***
thank you.
***
you learn some PR ffs!!!!!!!!!!! from you maybe!
***
you make me feel suspicious!!! but i'll just see how things go.
***
things arent the same with you... maybe its better this way? maybe we'll revert.
***
you! can be more obvious OR NOT!?@#
***
sorry for putting you in this position. glad you're handling it well!
***
i have to see you you you you you soon... and which ever you's i missed out.
***
you are driving me nutz. stop making me make all these judgement calls. i'll go crazy soon. but then again no. i'm STRONG.
***
thx for your intentions.
***
you. need help with yourself. like mass. but i was through giving it to you. did i ever?
***
you need to learn to treat ppl better. those that sacrifice for you.those who are SINCERE. who am i to know who is sincere? dunno. but if you had half a BRAINCELL you'd know.
***
you, can be so cute and stupid. that i wanna just eat you up.
***
you are such a hermit crab. i must pull you out and leave u raw ftw.
***

WHEE!
thats it for furryfish's rant of the night.
on to HUAYAN. you have to read this in order, or you wont understand the second part to it.
this nerd -_-
says in an interview, to the camera (self intro)
"hi my name is huayan. i am NICK"
correct statement "hi my name is huayan, i am yan*" (ie, nick name)

and here... she displays the same sense of humour on msn. LOL!!!
(shes so gonna kill me)

-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
HAHA
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
i smell so nice
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
WANNA SMELLY ME
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
HAHA
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
OMG
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
WTH
Razer | furryfish*PMS says (1:48 AM):
lolololol
Razer | furryfish*PMS says (1:48 AM):
WANNA SMELLY ME?!@$#@$
Razer | furryfish*PMS says (1:48 AM):
YES NICK I WANT TO SMELLY YOU
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
HAHHAHHA
-huaÿan'. _siicklyretarded™ . Like A Star* 华嫣 says (1:48 AM):
OMG

how? i lurve herrr
(k, hime's gonna emo me cos of this statement.)

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

[ 06082008 11.35pm | ARGH!! ]

i was typing in the date, and i pressed 07, for year 2007. omgosh. I CANT BELIEVE HOW FAST TIME IS SUDDENLY FLYING.
anyway. many decisions have been made. my life is somewhat settled. but i'm in a perma grumpy state. almost anything can set me off. even ppl whom i dont normally flare up at.
oh well.
and i've been like that for... a month already?!
omgosh.

*slaps self back to normal

***

i want a GIRLFRIEND!!! who wanna be my girlfriend?
please apply on the tagboard. cute, single, and plays dota please.
=D

*contemplates having a shot glass-full of ice-less baileys.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

[ 03082008 1.01am | inanotheruniverse ]

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.
SOMEBODY WHO CAN FIND ME.
COS I'M NOT SURE WHERE I'VE LANDED UP.


somethings became alot clearer to me. and after certain events, i feel that my previous blog post has been vindicated.


been wondering once again about the eternalsunshineofthespotlessmind concept again. even if you reset everything, and everything is totally forgotten, it will still happen again, maybe in a different way. because...
its meant to be.
have no idea what i'm talking about?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/synopsis
lots of spoilers, if you havent watched the show before.


i'm on the verge of eking out a new niche for myself. one that doesnt include you, you, you, you, you, you.

i still cant believe how little i trust.
if i seem to. its just an illusion.

***

i dont wanna run away,
baby you're the one i need tonight.
也许我太过天真, 以为奇迹会发生.