[ 08092008 4.07am | notahappyfish* ]

i cant believe how much emotional baggage i'm currently carrying around. i think that is probably evident in my speech and manner. i just cant help it if i cannot hide how i feel. ^^
i'm very short with some people, and i just cant help it. sometimes you just happen to be in the wrong place and the wrong time, saying the wrong thing to me.
but i'm getting better at not snapping at people. at least i warn them first.

anyhow, wcg is over, for us, this year. i cant say that i felt exceedingly excited about it all. but it was some sort of accomplishment for us. and i'm happy with what we achieved, as little as it may be. not every success has to be tangible.

you. have made many bad decisions. yes, its all part of growing up, or growing OLD. but. i just cant forgive some, because i feel it transcends age and maturity.
the person i forgive the least, is myself. if i'm the hardest on the person i know the best, what makes you think you would get any exceptional treatment?

i'm on my really really old laptop. its a 1.4ghz toshiba, and i got it back in... 2004? or so? when i was still in university.
incidentally, i JUST finished paying off the loan for it this very month on the 1st August. many many years after i graduated. lol.
looking at what it contains and feeling the old familiar keys, (and spacebar --> for the benefit of dejec) brings back just so very many memories thoughts and feelings.
it is @#$%#^$%&%^& slow though.
found a whole horde of things i'd like to take along with me to my current life.
oh, this laptop, has served me REALLY well. its the best i've owned, ever. it never required servicing, it never died on me, it was always reliable, steady, if a bit slow. if only it were my husband. i'd probably be so bored i'd die young. but well. at least theres no ups and downs and gg stuff to contend with.

you asked me a question before. and my answer is yes. yes, but i have no idea why. but because i know its not rational, its suppressed, and you will never know. ever.
its yes. but sometimes i want to kill myself thinking about it. not literally of course. i'm not that ready to meet my maker yet.

so much for my unnamed "you's"
lets get personal.
maybe tomorrow. lol.