[ 27092009 5.47pm | girlsandboys ]

i'm female.
so what i'm writing here must be taken in context.
the main difference between guy friends, and gal friends, is that guy friends will never be jealous of you at all.
the difficulty instead, is that your guy friend can fall for you, or vice versa.
if the liking is mutual, then ohhkayy.. glhf. otherwise, you're doomed to a few months of feeling awkward, and potentially losing a good friend.
my girlfriends, are classified into - close, and acquaintances.
with my guy friends, however, they are classified into - close, good and acquaintances
the middle ground "good" is possible because guys don't tend to judge girls as much as girls judge other girls.
the girls who know me... either love me or hate me. i think. there's no in between. and i guess they either have misconceptions about me, or know me for who i am.
in a sense, guys are easy.
as long as you're not a total turn off which instantly sends them running for cover, they tend to be more forgiving when it comes to character and looks. more so than how girls treat other girls, at least.
i guess thats why males are programmed to marry females.
(yes, i DO belive this is the natural order of things. if you disagree, by all means. but i'm not going to go into a debate on this)
i do realise, however, that my close girlfriends last longer than close/good male friends. but close girlfriends are few and far between.
you're more likely to walk down orchard road without seeing a single ah-lian, than to find a close girl friend.

***

happee burfdae cloudia. <-- this one always around to listen to me grumble/whine/emo/go siao etcetc

[ 25092009 4.47pm | AwakenedOne. ]

simply the means to my end?
possibly.
perhaps.
yes.
an instant of clarity and perspective.
its so clear when its laid out like that.
what is NOT clear, is my next step.


***


"what a fine persecution - to be kept intrigued without ever quite being enlightened."

[ 25092009 1.26am | whatever. ]

there's a word that i've been hearing alot lately... its like i have some kind of FATE with it.
the word is... "link". and it has nothing to do with dsd linksysx- aka jon.
link.
a connection... a bond... a tie.
i can't say it is a word i like. in fact, i think its a word i'm starting to dislike.
it carries with it a notion of inevitability, helplessness... something you can't fight.
like a parasitic strangler fig, entwined dearly around its host, an embrace of death.
link.
a knotted string, the loose ends straining... but the knot gets tighter.
; so then... what is worse?
*laughs sardonically.

i reach out and grasp... but all i feel is air.
divided we stand, united we fall.

[ 23092009 6.30pm | familiar date... ]

this date seems very very familiar... somehow i think its joel's birthday.
oh guess what. it is, i just went to check FB.
LOL.
i'm good.
happy birthday joel Ee!



/needs someone to talk to.

[ 22092009 11.32pm | testing my patience. ]

/tries to tolerate this.
but is going to snap soon.

The Script, Breakeven---with lyrics

The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

[ 18092009 3.55am | MdhtSun ]

"Why won't you leave me alone?"

Believe me, i wanted to say. I've tried

Oh, and also, I'm wretchedly in love with you.

[ 17092009 8.15pm | hungry ]

LF supper buddy who stays in the EAST. VERY VERY EAST.
i feel like... running out more at night in the evenings... anyone wanna pei me!
i think its cos i've been cooped up in my house for so long. i feel like i'm doing a 1 month confinement. WTF?


***


i am terribly tired. i think i suddenly understand... that you actually DO have guts. and perhaps, i'll respect you a little more cos of that.
+1 to you then.


***


i've realised that enthusiam should not be murdered, because its really hard to ressurect.
and it'll never be in the same form again.
it'll always be a little more tainted.


***

*plucks absentmindedly at the scabs on her surgery wound...

U2 - with or without out you lyrics

i finally found a version thats not LIVE. *success!

[ 14092009 1.34am | obligation ]

GRATS DsD!! i'm surprised... but pleasantly so.
jonjon hao shuai !

***

if i sit at home any longer... i think i'm gonna grow roots and sprout leaves. this week promises to be much the same as the last 2 weeks...
but even going to church for a couple of hours leaves me breathless...
i'm down to 40kg, and i think my heart is having a hard time. my blood pressure is a steady 80/50.
argh.
like that how. i need to xiu yang faster.
ameliorate!
*blacks out

maybe i should just request for a blood transfusion to add a couple of pints to my system and get it over with.

***

i havent been writing much. maybe its cos... i simply have nothing left to say. maybe i've said all i needed to. maybe this isnt the right place to say what i want to say.
or maybe i simply have no NEED to share.
lol.
i sound like some confused kid. maybe i AM a confused kid.
creating barriers
losing some options
when i do make a decision, its cos i know that i will stick with it. whether its wrong or right. (and though i can't be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side... okok i digress into very out of point lyrics that just found their way from my memory to my fingers)
the main thing about decisions are not whether they are wise or not. but whether you're willing to stick to them, come what may.


***
cling to the knowledge that-
the alternative is something you know you cannot live with.
then set your eyes on your chosen path and walk forward alone.
o w n e d .

[ 09092009 12.52am | nice date? ]

time for more pictures... changed the dressing today.

this one is with flash.. and from the side. u can see all the little stitches.

ok..so they aren't actually very LITTLE.

this one is from the top without flash. u can see the redness and the uneven-ess.

and this one is with my finger there for comparison.

hao cute worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!

[ willy says it looks like barbed wires... i say... its like ba zhang...

it ties my meat together!!]

[ 07092009 7.45pm | *pricked ]

if only i typed less in my saved drafts, and more in my published posts, i think you'd be more interested in my blog.
anyway, heres a pic of my operationnnnnn *squeaks
it looks cute.
no other adjective will do.

appendicitis is fun. once the pain goes away. morphine ftw?
been sleeping all day and night post op (op ended at 8pm tuesday) and i can't seem to shut my eyes now.
havent eaten anything at all since 12pm on monday, and i threw it all up anyway.
so... i have a new scar-to-be next to my pelvic bone, an aching hand where the iv drip needle was, and a very painful throat. i dunno how my throat got so painful... dunno what they did to me during GA. the inside of my throat near the little dangly thing is all purple and i have something that looks like a love bite in the middle of my neck. some large woman was pressing me very strongly there to prevent me from throwing up (even tho i WASNT throwing up).
w/e. i've got MC til the 18th sept.
and i'm off painkillers now... cos i don't wanna kill my liver and kidneys. so it kinda aches... -.-
***
its interesting to see the same things happening over and over again... in some.. endless cycle. you, then you... then... you.
me first tho.
always me first.
then things get better for you.
*shrugz.
i had my fun.
and learnt my lessons.
glhf?
***
me is... HAPPY FISH!
i've had too many people telling me i'm (insert translation / synonyns for the word "Crazy") over the last couple of days. [including my MOTHER]
*hops around insanely while clutching her belly with a grimace
and the reason is YOU!!!