[ 24122010 1.26am | sleepless.again ]

Too much tea too much tea.

Too much tea at the wrong time...

-_-



Did a photoshoot for Garena League of Legends a while back and I finally got the photos.

No idea if I can post it up using blog posting via email, but I'll just add it in when I get to a computer anyway.

So if you don't see it yet, check back in a couple of days and it should be up.

Its Christmas Eve, and it feels like any other day.

Had quite a slack day today - chionged 3 levels on my Worgen Hunter : 63 to 66.

Did a few good battlegrounds and got 2 deserter status. Zz.



Life really comes to a standstill when wow re-enters my schedule.

Its sorta scary how totally absorbing the game is and how there's really an alternate universe in there...



Would it be preferable... To live in wow than on this sorry planet.

/shrugz.



Its been months since I've touched dota, almost a month since I've last HoN-ed and ages since I last sc2-ed.

I can feel my life rotting in battlegrounds, instances and questing.

Even my gaming life is screwed up by wow!!!



Oh well.

/shrugz again.



***



I watch you when you are sleeping

You belong to me.

[ 12122010 12.10pm | mass 1,2,0 ]

K I admit I tweaked the time from 1209 to 1210 just cos it looks nicer.
Recently got my beta account for about.me. Check out my profile at http://about.me/pmsfurryfish its all very preliminary and raw. Not very customizeable yet either, but I'm hoping that's cos it's only in beta.
Apparently its a site which combines all your social media into one page and tracks it for you.

Woke up feeling unusually cheerful this morning - very very rare for me...
And even though I've spent it waiting in the 1000+ queue for WoW on the wrong server, I'm still in a good mood.

Recently mass spamming iris. It popped into my head one day and I haven't been able to get it out since.
At the same time though, iris hasn't managed to rid my obsession with falling stars, love the way you lie pt. 2 and peaches.

/groan.

So my playlist is just getting longer........
Needa quickly get sick of some songs soon so that I can shorten my list.

***
Narnia.
Absorbing. And much better than the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.
But the cast is not good looking. and the direction is -_-; made my hair stand at the duh-ness of it all.

***
I think people come in a few kinds.
Of looks.
Like, same pattern.
I've been seeing strangers who look like people I know.
Rather distressing... Its like my dreams vs reality. Makes me confuzzled.

[ 09122010 11.26pm | alas. ]

Alas.
i have fallen prey to cataclysm, and i've pulled a few people along with me... into this deep dark pit... that's so... oh so sweet.

i'm a worgen hunter on barthilas - anyone there too? i'll accept group invites for dungeons and battle grounds etc !
or, just find me on facebook friend finder.

my current obsessions... stand at 3.
one being wow, two being love the way you lie part 2, and three being falling stars.
cranberry juice might have made it... if it weren't more of a necessity than an obsession.


***
you tell me its impossible, no way that we could break...

[ 06122010 5.13pm | mondayisgrey. ]

i think i'm a pretty lousy writer. not that my grasp of the language is bad, but because i'm unable to create a post that is absorbing and entertaining to the general public.
or craft an argument regarding a trending subject - unless i'm interested and have strong views about it.
the most personal insight you'll get from my posts are probably the sense of how i'm feeling, and the general mood.
it lacks gossip. there's no sensational news. the topics are generally about things... situations which no one really relates to.

whatever i touch seems to wither up and die - i suck the life out of anything vaguely alive. change its' everything.
desert it, and skip off cheerily, without looking back.

[ Some random date.Some random time | sanitycheck ]

I need to get this out of my mind. Dreams always manage to ruin me in a way that reality cannot.
Slept late, got woken up 2 hrs later by a dream, 2 hrs after by my phone and 2 more hrs on by my alarm.
2 might be my favourite number, but I'd like my hours of uninterrupted sleep to be in double digits...
Not that I would have managed to go back to sleep after being woken up the first time.
Have spent the day in a daze, trying to figure out what people are saying to me.
I think my blur expression is speaking volumes.

(What a mundane post. I'm yawning at the mere thought of proof-reading it.)

Oh well, I guess I always knew my greatest enemy is my mind. Figures that it would get me when I'm at my most vulnerable - asleep and oblivious to the physical dimension of my existence.
Indeed, I wouldn't expect anything less of it (it or myself?)

In this haze of sleeplessness very few things manage to reach through and speak to the sane bit of me.
One of those few things is a persistent, dull headache.
And the other is... This.

***
in the aftermath of the
destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we
know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs
that we'll have each other's backs
Cos we're that lucky
*

[ 23112010 2.42am | assumptions. ]

So. I went to the borders sale at suntec recently and farmed up $100 worth of books. That adds up to quite a few books, seeing as each cost from $2-$10. And I only had about... 3-5 $10 books.
The first one I read was called "Love and other natural disasters" and it documents a couples' journey through an emotional infidelity.
So. Assuming I had a bf, and this bf cheats on me, which would I find harder to accept - a one night stand, or a prolonged correspondence with some bitch where he shares his life and emotions with her.
Admittedly, if either happened, its end of story for me. After I rearrange his features and turn his appendages into bloody stumps, of course.
But if I HAD to pick one, I'd rather he had a one night stand.
At least that's something I can excuse a lapse in self control - its purely physical, with no emotions attached to it (hopefully).
Emotional infidelity is a lot more personal, its about sharing lives feelings thoughts... Things which should be OUR private domain.
Like, why are you able to tell her this, but you can't tell me?
That said, I believe both signal inherent problems in the relationship.
And both parties are liable.
It is hardly ever the sole fault of one side.
(Inclined to say, NEVER, actually.)
Pretty enlightening read actually.
I could think of quite a few people I'd like to introduce the book to.

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[ 20112010 12.55pm | rainyrain ]

I'm self amusing by looking at little clues that I leave and trying to figure out what other people must think when they see them.
I think I needa kick this tired, unmotivated feeling I have.
Its pouring, I hope orchard river doesn't act up again. Cos I'm in town by necessity and not by choice. I mean... Like... Who goes to town during the weekend unless they HAVE to.
I have no idea what I've been busy with in the week... But I have been, and am, unbearably short of time.

Bright, Cold, Silver Moon.
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[ 12112010 | MyTwistedReality* ]

i realise that the overarching mood of the majority of my dreams is sadness.
i don't know if this is because my general thoughts are of that genre... or whether i'm under the influence of my emo-music. or maybe i'm just suffering from chronic depression.
an intangible manifestation of my predominant waking-hour moods.

dreams where i'm escaping from a mystical creature... or dreams of a fantasy-land... preferable to dreams which leave me sobbing as i wake up, or dreams which i can't differentiate from reality.
dreaming about reality confuses me no end.

"i love you too much to make you stay... baby, fly away"

Is thought-full the same as thoughtful? I'm not sure how its spelt but that's how I feel. Full of thoughts.
I'm glad I'm not locked out tonight. That alone makes my day. Cos it does suck to have to spend the night somewhere not confortable and the wrong temperature.
Anyhow. No whining about that.
I make my own choices.
This seems to be the keyphrase of my life now.
And I gotta remember that everyone does make their own choices - it is their right to. But its also my right to react however I want to towards the choices that other people make.
I realise I'm in a more powerful position than I think I am. But with great power, comes great responsibility!
-enter the cheese-
Inclined to do a you post.
Ok I think I will.
You are so stupid but I know nothing will make you see the light except yourself. So I'll save my effort.
You like to make yourself out to be all that, but in fact, and I'm totally not shy to say this, you're no better than any of them.
What makes you think you're more deserving... Huh?
I'm so sorry... I seldom feel such deep remorse... But I do think I wronged you this time.
I much prefer you in the way I think of you, as compared to how you really are. Talk about delusional.
I have not changed my mind about you. Not one bit.
Anything that might be special in me, is YOU!
You're falling into the trap... Into the rut.
If only I could do what I want to do for you.
You're holding me there...
I hope you find your answer. We're all searching.
I've been locked inside this hoUse, while you hold the key...
You. [Insert sigh]

Relient K- Be My Escape Lyrics

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

[ 01112010 3.13pm | weird stomach pains. ]

if you were right and i was wrong, why are you the one who's gone
and i'm still here.

***
lyrics that don't really mean much... but they're just repeating in my head.
i'm getting less and less sleep.

i like the way your expression changes ever so slightly, and how you get awkward when i throw out a question you don't want to answer.
i like the way i intuitively know your next move.
i like the way i can see revelation cross your face.
i like the way i can feel, tangibly, what is intangible.
i like the way i simply... just... know... you.
it makes me feel powerful.

***
gastric pills are your best friend. =D

[ 27102010 6.00pm | it doesnt matter ]

this is my keyphrase of the day. its gonna help me remember that it really doesnt matter.
its gonna remind me that i just need to remove myself emotionally and eventually become numb.
i hope i don't lose all semblance of self and become a non sentient creature. i was already a very unemotional person to begin with.
hurhur.

this week and this quarter is crazy. its slightly more than 2 months to the new year. 2011... is gonna be really interesting and i'm looking forward to it... in more aspects than one, it will change my life. not that a year really makes much of a difference, cos its just socially demarcated measurements of time. and its not like something like that can really change things... its more of how people use this progression of time and social concepts of time to make changes within and around themselves.

bah.
i need to post something more personal and more affected, rather than random concepts and neutral discussions.

slowly, ok?
=)

This feels vaguely familiar...
"This" being the insomnia and emo music.
Ok. Its not vague at all. Lol.
Lyrics seem to jump out of songs and hit me with realisations, emotions and memories.
I wish I could take time off and immerse myself in games for a while. I need some kind of escape and distraction.
Enter the 'addiction' argument.
If only I could really be addicted to something better... Like computer games.
****
I am suddenly thinking of jc and uni with an unfamiliar sense of... Wistful-ness. It might be because that was probably the only time in my life when I was really happy.
Well... Not that I was happy throughout... But I was at my happiest then. I wouldn't ever say I was ever a simple person, but I guess I was less complicated.
***
I have to live my dreams. Nothing and no one can hold me back, except myself. But... What are my dreams.
I'm falling into the trap of stagnation and living in the past.
Break free!
2009 was a year of travelling.
2010 seems to be a year of winning. More, at least.
2011 shall be the year I send my life for an overhaul.
Nice. I'm making 2011 resolutions in oct 2010.
***
Silverchair is singing me to sleep slowly.
Diorama is soothing.
have an awful night, filled with nightmares and mosquitoes. With no love, your exceedingly unhappy fish.

[ 24102010 11.10pm | whine. ]

i've been thinking about this certain person lately. someone i don't particularly want to think about cos this person, lets call it G, reminds me of a time in my life when i was really troubled and rather unhappy. G also was someone who directly added to my unhappiness.
its unfortunate that i've been forced to think about G again, because... i don't really want to... curiosity killed the cat. cat, being me, right now. it does matter to me that the people closest to me do not think of G in the same way as i do... but my opinion is just my opinion, and my choices are just my choices. as much as i'd like to impose my point of view on those around me, i won't. or at least, i'll try not to. and just remain silent, rather than pass snide comments.
lol.

i've also been thinking about H alot too. H is to a certain extent, someone who has qualities i admire. then again, don't most people have certain qualities that are worth admiring? anyhow... H is someone i admire. someone i don't necessarily respect... someone i don't necessarily trust. but admire anyway. admiration. what does it consist of? jealousy, love... insecurity.

J is another pain in the ass. when you have a person who has a strong mind, as strong as yourself, how do you reconcile that, when you fall into conflict? J is such a person to me.

ok.
/whine.

[ 21102010 6.03pm | tired.canigiveup? ]

i feel like i'm running in an endless race, and i want to just stop running cos its just so tiring. but i can't because if i do everything will change, i'll never know if i could ever finish the race, if indeed, there is ever an end to it.
just running and running.
maybe thats why i like to run on a track. because i have the end in sight.
i'm so tired... but its just me and the path, and i'm not willing to give in and say i'm weak. i'm not willing to fail, i want to finish this race.
what happens if i reach the end... and realise the end is just the start of another long race.

damn it. i feel so tired just thinking about all this.
and i want to go swimming later. or jogging. or something.
rhythm and exertion : the best cure for an unsettled mind.

i think i'll be going through a patch of writing. whether i publish it or not. writing is good. even though i'm hardly inspired and not talented.

Blogger Chat

[ 10082010 - | FEVO card ]

So, I got my hands on one of these over the weekend... and I've been wondering what to do with it.
It opens up a world of possibilities… let me explain WHY.
A FEVO prepaid MasterCard, works just like a credit card – you can use it overseas, or locally, or even online, as long as mastercard is accepted, you can use it!
There’s also a version which doubles up as an ezlink card… talk about convenience – money and transport all in one slim card.
The most important thing about the FEVO card, is that it is not linked to a bank account or anything like that. So, you can choose the amount that you’d like to top up the card to, and you can only spend within that amount.
The piece I have, is Asiasoft customized, and it has a pretty Audition skin - in my favourite colour. There are also non-customized versions available.

It’s the same size as a normal credit card.
I’m gonna start using it… stay tuned for my next update…
in the meantime, get to know more about it at http://prepaid.fevocard.com/

[ 06082010 6.29pm | StarCraftII - the first week (and a half) ]

The Removal of LAN from StarCraft II

i can't say that i really miss this function a great deal (yet) because i'm one of the old school WarCraftIII standard game players who started off on battlenet.

Blizzard's Rationale

servers have been set up internationally to accommodate players from different parts of the world. this means that you can only play with people in your regional server - asia with asia, US with US, etcetc.

this enhances the whole experience of the gamer in a couple of ways
1) the lag which occurs when playing cross continent games is GREATLY reduced.
StarCraftII runs on a shared lag system, so you could be the game creator with a really good connection, but if your opponent is from some obscure location from under the ocean, and playing on 14.4kbps dialup, you're gonna lag as badly as he does. (i'll just use the generic "he" here, but of course i do not discount the fact that it could well be a "she")

2) the creation of communities based on locale, language, ethnicity, and other divisions thus associated with regional differences
here, hopefully you won't have american's complaining about pinoys rambling on in tagalog, and you won't have koreans and russians competing to see who can mash out a greater number of symbols.
a bonded community is one which understands each other, gamer to gamer, admin to gamer, and where everyone is striving for improvement and a better gaming experience.

How that affects me.

most obviously, i'd have to buy an authentic copy of StarCraftII. but this could hardly be said to be a torture. yes, the pricetag is hefty, for a game, but for the number of hours of entertainment, adrenaline rush and escape that it would give me - its worth it.
i mean, a night out with my girls would probably make me blow close to 200.
even compared with other paid to play mmorpgs or mmorpgs with in game item shops, this one time payment of 100 bucks hardly comes close to the fees that you might rake up from playing computer games..
and, i like my stuff authentic. it keeps the company accountable to providing me with good service.
Battlenet saves me the trouble of having to repeatedly spam commands when i'm looking for opponent(s) [a la IRC/Garena] - they have their in house matchmaking system which pairs you up with people of your standard.
here however, i present what is my first (and maybe last) gripe.
being paired with people of my own standard means i'm probably going to be playing with mediocre gamers all my life - simply because i'm not a fantastically skilled gamer myself. this also means that the likelihood of me being able to go up against one of the best, and famous, is really slim.
it also is sorta sad that i can only add real id friends from the same server - this means that all my international friends on my facebook will not be able to see me when i'm in battlenet.
oh. right. facebook. did i mention what an fantastic idea it was to integrate facebook with StarCraftII? what better way to knit a closer community, than to import a naturally-formed one?
genius.

-in case you think i'm being paid/given something to write this, i'm not. i'm writing it purely as furryfish* the gamer who loves StarCraftII.-

better than some Jay Chou / chinese sappy stuff that's been going around.
like the dance.
hurhur.
but the guy is ugly. no wonder she chose his best friend instead of him. lol.




Some say it’s not over ‘till it’s over
Guess this is really over now
There’s something I gotta say before I let you go
Listen

When you have a fight with him
Sometimes you cry
And feel sad and blue
I become hopeful
My heart aches secretly
Then just a hint of your smile
Can make feel fine again
To keep you from figuring out how I feel about you
Coz then we would drift apart
I hold my breath, bite my lips
Oh, please leave him and come to me

Baby, please don’t take his hand
Coz you should be my lady
I’ve been waiting for you for so long
Please look at me now

When the music starts
You will vow to spend
The rest of your life with him
How I prayed every night
This day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing
It’s not me (next to you)
Oh, the wedding dress you’re wearing, oh, no

You never knew how I felt about you
And I hated you so
Sometimes I wished you would be unhappy

Now I have no more tears left to cry
When I’m by myself I talk to you like you’re here
I’ve felt so restless every night
Maybe I’ve known all along this would happen
I close my eyes and dream an endless dream
Please leave him and come to me

Baby, don’t take his hand when he comes to you
Coz you should be my lady
I’ve been waiting for you for so long
Look at me now

When the music starts
You will vow to spend
The rest of your life with him
How I prayed every night
This day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing
It’s not me (next to you)
Oh, the wedding dress you’re wearing, oh, no

Please be happy with him
So that I can forget you
Please forget how miserable I looked
It’s going to be unbearably hard for me
For a long while to come

[ 02072010 6.29am | 12.29am in paris ]

been walking around paris for the past couple of days.
day 1 - arc de triomphe, champs elysees, eiffel tower
day 2 - louvre, engagement bridge, st michaels fountain, notre dame
day 3 - eswc!

day 1 was the most taxing, because we walked up the eiffel tower *pants*
i have realised that i'm really really unfit. i shall go running 3 times a week when i get back.
weather here is REALLY HOT. if not for the cool wind, i think i'd be sweating buckets.

day 2 was unbearably hot. stuck in the square at the louvre watching the guys take turns to take pics with a status was more than i could take. i ran into the museum for air-con before i could wind up in hospital for heat exhaustion.

at the end of these 2 days, i have concluded that i need a better pair of shoes - with good sole support.
thank goodness i didnt overestimate myself by wearing heels.
it would be quite fun to see Aeon carry me to the Metro. NOT.
so here are some of the funnier pics.

huayan might be giving a funny face... but shes not the funny one...

check out XY's expression!!!

sitting at some random chair taking pics cos the lighting is great.

anyhow snap also turn out damn nice.

all i need is a prettier face.

Aeon.

hyhy tofy xy roy ice

huayan was mega excited to be at the louvre.

i took a picture of roy taking a picture of her and hyhy.

*

 

fail statues. or fail photos of some statues.

 

i was trying to take a pic of the guy's face from below... from the perspective of the kid at his knee.

but.

i didnt realise that he wasn't very dressed..

so i accidentally upskirted him.

=\

i shall ZI PAI!!!

statue giving me the third finger. @@;

*

and next follows a series of photos like this one here ...

on egyptian hieroglyphics

on a sarcophagus

on a statue

on a mummy!

anddddd

me squeezing a birdbird at notre dame!

haha... its a baby and already so fierce, trying to peck at me.

unintentionally photographed in the exact same position as this signboard...

for more pictures.... http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=190915&id=679036463&l=c58092672c
thats the fb link !

[ 11062010 6.05pm | on the brink of... the weekend ]

break my heart from what breaks Yours
everything i am for Your kingdoms' cause
as i go from nothing to
Eternity

[ 28052010 6.20am | this post has no title ]

ITS A LONG WEEKEND!!!!! AND MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN!
this translates to : i can sleep anytime i like and use the net til anytime i like.

it also means that i will turn up for L2P at expo tomorrow... probably later on in the day when there's more of a crowd.

of late, i am rarely inspired... and generally boring.
life consists of... training, family... and.... the neverending work.
and... lessons.


also. one thing has been keeping me sane.
http://odb.org

and today... :
Are you trusting God for whatever comes next on your calendar?

i'm not. but i'm trying to.

tell me why it hurts?



then again. i think i know the answer.

http://us.craftcup.com/index.php?site=allmatches

hehehehe

[ 25042010 4.01am | eeeheeehehehehehehe* ]

i'm very excited today... i just saw this pic from you know who and i find it fascinating. but kinda eerie in a way too.

but thats not why i'm excited.
LAN training today was so exciting. ehehehehehe... win all 5 (was it 5? so many teams ff i lost track alr...) games ftw?
i'm so glad you're back.
on the next lan training we have to eat marutama. i need to eat it at least twice a month to function normally.
BUT.
NEXT WEEK. i shall be in KOREA. if everything goes fine.
and its not the prospect of going to korea thats gotten me so hyped... (i've been there before) its WHO i'm gonna MEET thats got me jumping around like a jumping bean.
=D
*grins happily.

and... WHY am i awake at this time?
2 reasons.
i just got back from a bbq (omgosh! furryfish participates in a social event! how rare!)
and cos ice is playing his 4th round of an sc2 competition. GO PWN THOSE ANGMOHS!!!
*skips around with tongue out.

***
how many wheels can a hamster run on before it dies?
***
new babies are gonna pop out in may, and i'm looking forward to teaching them how to drive their parents nuts. AHAHAHA.
work has been a mixture of *pull hair and glare around with a harrassed expression* *scamper around from end to end of the office* *giggle hysterically whilst looking at pile of 'to-dos' on table*
somewhat.

***
and. i like THIS pic.

***
other than totally failing at finding what i set out to find, i had a surprisingly good evening.
lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa...............

hello, my poor dying blog.


http://news.replays.net/page/20100303/1455784_3.html

***


i guess when i have less time, i just write less.

[ 19032010 6.08pm | weekend!! ]

fking cute.

[ 16032010 11.47pm | hmm. ]

and sometimes i wonder if i care about the team and competitive gaming more than i actually care about my own identity.
i mean, it would explain why i pour all my energy into team stuff and why i get bothered about teammates and team happenings.
WHAT IF. i'm the only one who feels this way? and the other 3-4 don't really give a damn!
then, too bad i guess, but it won't be the first time i'm in that situation, and, from experience, 1-2 person's zeal is enough to keep everything going.
ant says we're the most stable team around.
interesting. yes, we've kept our name the longest, and we've built our identity. by the next generation the name will likely be gone, but not the legacy and the groundwork, i hope.

[ 09032010 8.13pm | dear... ]

to my dear neglected rotting blog:
i often think of you, and do come to see you once in a while.
i know it's lame to tell you that when in the end, i don't spend any quality time with you.
however, its as much as i can give right now - you just have to be comforted by the fact that deep down inside i care alot about you, and i do miss you quite alot.

***

work's crazy.

***

team's been great. training's been great.

***

moon's signature is cool too. so is starcraft 2 beta.

***

i needa clean up the inside of my laptop's keyboard. some keys don't register if i type with the wrong strength / speed / pressure.

***

needs a new supply of ice breakers. sour sweets ftw.

[ 27022010 2.24am | mehhday ]

happy mehh day sheepie!

***

i would like to. go on a holiday somewhere cold, and wet.
and alone.
like... now.

in case you all havent realised, i've been very caught up with the team blog's blog special - a week in the life of yours truly. which translates into silence here.
thank you for your support, i hope it made an interesting read =)

[ 15022010 7.13pm | MORE alaska pics ]

i was reading clubsnap... and i came aross a post on alaska in the winter. it looks gorgeous...
i WILL go back in the winter.
i WILL. one day.
http://www.clubsnap.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5694307#post5694307
but in the meantime... here are more of my summer alaska trip pics. =)

holding a piece of glacier. a glacier melts in a really cute way... little pieces sort of pop off like ice cubes.

in juneau, they used to harvest glacier ice to put in their beers cos it takes a longer time to melt, and its really cold

but its now banned cos the glaciers are receeding due to global warming.

there's the glacier i took a piece of ice from.

the murky river put my mum off walking towards the glacier. haha.

my toes nearly froze off walking through it barefoot.

thats my dad on the right. he looks like he's peeing. oh well.

thats me after braving the subzero river waters, at the toe of the Exit Glacier in Seward.

i look so bedraggled.

the wind coming down from the glacier is also extremely cold.

made all my old creaky athritic joints hurt. gg.

dad and i!

we were standing on the balcony of our cruise ship.

i was getting tired of trying to aim the camera to catch myself and the scenery...

so i just took the reflection of our balcony door.

^^V

daddy got gosu camera. i don't have..

see... so tiring to aim yourself and the background into the pic...

this is what happens when you forget to put on your camera flash - your face ends up shadowed.

but the scenery is nice!

Juneau. beautiful sunset.

caught a bit of the boats balcony in the pic so i'd remember where i took the pic.

parents were watching some live show in the theatre on the boat... i was mucking around in the room.

heehee.

skagway on the yukon railway.

scary rickety bridges.

and an old train.

me wearing my mum's hat, looking pleased.

still on the yukon railway.

it was really hot.

no other purpose to posting this pic other than to let people criticize my spotty face.

i was eating mega alot of nonsense!!

[ 13022010 3.02pm | hothothot ]

its so hot. i wish i were back in alaska.

thats glacier bay. =\

doesnt it look nice and cool!

tarantula vs bird

i never realised how self righteous some people can get, until i read the comments for this video.
it is fascinating to watch nature in action. it is fascinating to watch animals kill each other, mate with each other, hunt each other, eat together... etcetc.
but if i were to put it down to curiosity of the spider's owner - he wanted to see what would happen - then i think that ignorance and curiosity on his part are lame excuses.
from the comments, spiders CAN eat birds, but not in excessive amounts due to the high calcium content. well, its just ONE chick. there's no indication whether the spider was on its 5th chick or whether its the first chick the owner ever gave it.
most of the commentors took issue with feeding it a chick. a BABY BIRD which hadnt any chance to see the world. you're all personifying a bird ffs. animals are animals, humans are humans.
and if you're so concerned about animal rights, then what about the mouse or the cricket you're recommending in place of the chick ? lol ? those aren't animals?
and who are YOU, or WE as HUMANS to determine an animals' rights?
*rant.

[ 07022010 11.38pm | hmm. ]

this is the time. for a YOU post.
***
i'm glad you've turned around. its nice to see that you're coming to your senses.
you're just, in all generality (is that a word?) not there.
i can't decide whether i wanna kill you, or befriend you.
most of the time you surprise me with what i feel about you.
you might be what i classify as fking dumb and someone i'd willingly throttle, but. always the but.
as bad as you think you are, i just can't see it.
you're getting too full of yourself, you needa take a step back.
you're part of a good memory.
and i wanna turn you into a memory.
and i wish you weren't even in my memory.
you needa make up your mind, cos there's only so many times i can tahan the same thing.
you drive me nuts, but its nuts i put up with. again and again.
with you, anything is possible!!!
***
as usual, don't ask, and i won't elaborate.
***
ok ok... THANKS CYN for the INSPIRATION.
have a good flight back, and come back soon.

[ 04022010 9.25pm | controversy ]

hey man. why focus on the one player who isnt playing, when there are FIVE players who played!
is everyone just waiting for some juicy controversy about how i
a) fell out with the team, and quit at the last moment, so i didnt play
b) was too noob, so i was benched
c) felt that the opponent was too noob so the team didnt need me to play
d) insert whatever interesting conspiracy theory you are having
would it shoot me/us to instant fame if i/we decided to bitch about our opponents and the organisers and whine about how unfair and biased they were, and how sore they were?
why doesnt anyone wanna hear about how hospitable everyone was, what a good, close fight we had, and how everything fit together perfectly with excellent timing like a gift from heaven? like a sweet dream come true?

lol.
BECAUSE. EVERYONE LOVES CONTROVERSY. EVERYONE LOVES TO SEE THE IMPERFECTIONS SO THEY CAN JUSTIFY THAT THEIR OWN LIVES ARE NOT UNDESIRABLE JUST BECAUSE ITS NOT PERFECT.
maybe.
thats my theory anyway.
***
well, sorry to disappoint you all, you won't be getting any controversial statements from me (this time).
it was a great trip =)
and i mean that from the bottom of my heart.
perfect. muah~

[ 03022010 2.28pm | postlunchearlgrey. ]

its gotten cold, but it still tastes great.
reminds me of the xlb shop in shanghai with their hong cha...
***
i can't even begin to talk about shanghai. there's just too much that i'm feeling and thinking about it.
the trip was great. perhaps, better than i expected and hoped for.
unfortunately there's only one thing that can turn the "perhaps" into "it WAS". and that one thing is TIME.

its like the weather is reversed - cold indoors, hot outside. as opposed to warm indoors, winter air outdoors.
i'm addicted to winter clothing... all the layers and boots. =D and of course... long black sleek coats. *sighs happily
*digression - i just got a fantastic song from my colleague. i know what i don't like about it... but generally it fits (OMGOSH I ACTUALLY TYPED "FEEDS"  ACCIDENTALLY) my mood.*
i ate alot, slept alot, and got stressed out alot.
my aims there were all accomplished. but because of the trip, i have new aims. *sneaky smile.
and i'm pleased to announce that my bb has its data plan back up and running. it was sucky not to have msn on the go! my other bb is just... not the same for web surfing and msning. =\ starhub is not bad la! they settled my complaint withing 24hrs.
i only have ONE conclusion to make after the trip.
and that is : jon should have been born a girl.
^^
more elaboration on that after work...

[ 26012010 12.10am | thanks... ]

its been a very long and tiring journey up to today.




i've been at the cusp ...



and it looks like i'm finally crossing over to the other side.



i'm not sure if its the light side or the dark side, but rest assured, i will be totally engulfed by which ever side i find there.



i'm am utterly grateful for the many helping hands this past month.



its like a scene in Advent Children where Cloud is boosted up into the sky to poke a monster. every step has people lending their support and encouraging him on.







so many things to be grateful for.



but in the end, you face the decision alone.



other people can only lead you there, you make the final call.







and tomorrow ... i hope i make it there before the final call. i have a tendency to be late for the first appointments of the day...



^^



its gonna be a good few days.



anything with my girls is gonna be great.

[ 22012010 1.15am | why ]

cos i've broken all my promises to you... i've broken ALL my promises to you...
what matters most?
everything that you feel while listening to every word that i sing...

~secondhand serenade

***

he says i think too much
he says i only write when i'm not happy
he says he doesnt need to know.

(you say... i only hear what i want to, i don't listen hard, don't pay attention to the distance that you're running... to anyone... anywhere...)

i'm dreading some things... and i'm looking forward to other things...
i'm sorta glad its not my week to write on the pms blog... cos i'd be terribly boring and uninspired.
i need to read more...
i need to... do so many things. i feel so tired thinking of the countless things i'm supposed/have/expected to do.
and i can't figure out what keeps me doing them.
i worry that i will soon become a mindless zombie, spastically repeating movements. with no emotions attached.
even a machine would be more qualified to be human than i in this (approaching) state.
i've compromised many things i think, believe and feel.
and i can only wait for the day my conscience comes back for revenge.
great.

[ 21012010 1.47am | =\ ]

and that's becoming my favourite face emoticon.

***

all this searching ... just live without? you can't miss what you have never had.
claymore is fantastic. too bad there's no place for weaklings in this world.

***

today is the day, when you can catch me feeling down.

Heaven Can Wait - We The Kings + Lyrics

=\
somehow matches my mood. but its too owl city like. prefer it more emo and rock.

[ 19012010 11.21pm | hmmm ]

i have a weird feeling...
i know what caused it. or rather, i know the causeS.
but it doesnt bring me any closer to solving or understanding why i feel the way i do.
then why am i letting the causes get to me?!
lol...
***
i shall... dig my fingers into your brain - and make sure my fingerprints are all that you can remember.
***
i'm so weak... so weak.
i need the resolve and the decisiveness.
***
is controversy the only way to get attention. isnt that just so tiresome. lol.
i am getting old. i prefer more peace in my life. but man.. a BM game once in a while sure gets me rofloling.
***
its such a waste, isnt it. i wish...
but i'm still tired.
=\
i sometimes hope that i lose all hope. (ok that sentence looks weird) so that it'd be easier to just 放手 .
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ 15012010 3am | i need more sleep ]

i have so many random thoughts going through my mind.

i wonder what i would think now of myself when i was 18.
i wonder how i'd deal with myself. LOL
i've been thinking about new year resolutions... and i've been putting writing them down for a while.
i did write some down at sam's house on NYE, cos she MADE me. but they weren't really WELL thought through.
and i've already failed to keep... perhaps... .half of them.
Lets see...
- i need to take care of myself better. like, get more sleep, put on some weight, fix my straw/grass/(insert anything brittle and dried out) -like hair, take more pains to dress less chapalang-ly.
- i need to love everyone around me better. to be less of a sociopath, less cold, less detatched. and bankai less. and meet up with the people who i havent been meeting up with for the longest time.
- i need to clear out my room. and keep it cleared.
***

there's something wrong with my eye...

that red thing gave me a headache for 2 days straight -.-

no, don't ask me to see a doctor...

can someone count the number of eyelashes i have? it looks pathetically sparse. lol...

macro function is so gosu.

Its the kind of mood where I've decided to spam shattered by OAR at close to the loudest volume my mako can go.
I think my neighbours hate me. But that's just too bad.
I don't consider my self an emo person... But I figure I must appear that way to you all because when some thing(s) get/s to me I'll take it out on a keyboard.
I make no excuses though. If I am, so be it. I am.
As I look at the conflict before my eyes... I think... Endless possibilities in every direction, but a misstep in any, leaves you nowhere to go.
And its not easy to be farsighted, whilst considering the immediate issues, and tapping on the experience of the past. But we all do get better, the more we practise right?
Judging by the way things are, I'm gonna be a professor in Decision Making and Problem Solving by next year.
And then I look at what was... What is... What I would like to see.
My past and my future side by side, as close and as separate as two pages of a book laid to rest open, on its covers.
Joined, but not really; separated, but not exactly so.
On one side, there's what I loved, on the other, what I love. And on the z-axis, there's what I could love.
I need some good alone time... By the beach... In the dead of the night... Under the pouring rain.
It is not enough...

AHHH I'M BLIND AHHHH !!! I'M SO BLIND !!!!

Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone Live.

[ 01012010 10.34pm | kankai ]

my dad always told me : there's more than one way to skin a cat.
i'm a controversy - it reflects how i second guess myself all the time, and how i try to do the right thing even though i don't feel like doing the right thing.
dreaming is good. as long as you stay asleep. i hope you never wake up and see reality.
/quit life if or when you do?
^^

2010 is gonna be one exciting year.
i so look forward to it.